Randy Jackson?

So, we're watching American Idol, you know, listening to Simon rip on people and watching anyone and everyone tower over Ryan Seacrest, when all of the sudden, the following happened:

Person A: Hey, did you guys know Randy Jackson is Michael Jackson's brother?
Entire Room: stares at Person A in disbelief
Person A: Well, he is.
Brent: Umm...no, he isn't.
Person A: Hmmm...well, someone told me that.
Brent: Well, someone lied to you...

Good times. Good times. I bet if Person A ever sees that guy again, he's going to put him in a comma!

The Dean Johnson Adwizards...

Ahhh...the Dean Johnsons Adwizards are at it again. Just when I thought they've reached their zenith with their balloon tied to the deck of the model, they go and totally redeem themselves!

And by totally redeem, I mean embarrass further everyone who lives in the Waterstone community to the point that I have to dress like the Unabomber, just so no one judges me.

What have they done, you may ask?

Instead of balloons, they have now taken a long string with flags on it and wrapped it around the big for sale sign outside the development. Then, to top it off, they tossed on about 45 million "closeout" signs to go with it. See below:

I mean, seriously. What kind of monkey team do they have working in their marketing crew? Did they hire two horses and an emu and call it good? I refuse to believe this isn't a joke. Maybe it's a gimmick used to get people to come in because they think no one could advertise this poorly. I don't know. I'm stunned. I feel like I've been put in a semi-colon...

I'm gonna put him in a comma....

So, Alison and I were watching True Life last night (damn...damn...damn you writers strike!!!) and it was called I'm in the System.

So, it follows these three dudes and shows how they deal with being in jail.

One of the guys, Stinky, goes to jail for 16 months for attempted murder when he shot at his neighbor for hittin' on his chick.

So, anyway, while he's in jail, his chick, ReRe, starts getting together with her old boyfriend, Big T. She has a guilty conscience though, so she tells Stinky about Big T. The convo (yep...convo, not to be confused with convoy) went something like this:

ReRe: So, I'm with Big T now.
Stinky: How you gonna play me like that? If you love me like you said, you won't go out there and you know, sleep with somebody elf. That's basically like saying, you know, I don't give a frick about Stinky.
ReRe: Yep, you're just my baby daddy now.
Stinky: When I get out, I ain't saying I'm gonna kill that person, I'm gonna go out there and just beat him, you know, to the point that he gonna be in a comma...

Dang...that's some rough stuff. I got put in a comma once. It sucked. I mean, not as bad as the time I got put in a semi-colon, but you gotta be a real man to put someone in a semi-colon...

20 piece mug set...

OK, so anyway, I'm in Target, trying to find a vortex to another world so I can escape the shopping. I've looked everywhere, to no avail. Finally, as I was just about to throw myself in front of a passing cart, I noticed something that intrigued me.

On the end cap (you know, where they put the stuff they really want you to buy) I spied a 20 piece Miller Lite Mug set for $19.99. Hmmm...not a bad deal I thought, if I were in the market for something like that, which I wasn't.

But, I know people who enjoy a good mug set and they might enjoy a 20 piece set from Target. Then, I got to looking at it closer. Here's the breakdown of what came in the 20 piece set:

* 1 Bottle opener (ok, that seems fine...do you really need more than 1?)
* 4 Miller Lite Mugs (ok, that seems okay, but we're only at five items here and there are 15 left to go. Something seems fishy)
* 15 Coasters

15 Coasters!!?!? What in the world are you going to do with 15 coasters? Have 3 of your closest friends over, give everyone a mug and then give 3 of the people 4 coasters and one gets the shaft because they only get 3? Are they afraid you'll lose them? Might there be a tragic coaster accident and they'll snap like so many twigs?

But why stop at 15? They seem like they grow on trees. Why not put 30 coasters in there...or at least a number that is divisble by 4 so everyone can have an equal amount on coasters. Cripes!

I don't mind that they put coasters in the set. That's fine. But let's not advertise it as a 20 piece set. If we're doing that, might as well count the box and the instructions (open beer, pour beer) as two more pieces and it's a 22 piece set. Hell...you'll get a receipt from the thing...that's a 23 piece set right there. Magic!!!

My Honesty Payment!!!

So, I'm going through my e-mail, and yet another spam letter has made it through. At least I think it's spam...
-------------------------------------------------------------
YOUR HONESTY PAYMENT.
FROM;THE CREDITS AND BILLS LIQUIDATION OF C.B.N AND BCEAO.
message codes;;00/cbn/bceao/002219/22/01/2008
May I use this juncture to notify you that new Government have Paid thebills which was thecause of the delay of your Payments,
and the Managements of CBN and BCEAOhas put yourfunds into a foreign draft, and find out that before the Draft willreach you it may get expireddue to the unreliability of the corrupted postal service here,
and wedecided to convert theDraft into Cash, (boxed money) the sum of $6.500,000.00 so to deliverit to you in Cash onyour Personal receipt at your DESTINATION in your country.
We which to deliver your Payment through this system to avoid another tress of K.T.T and soon all the necessary arrangements of delivering the $6.500,000.00 in cashto you has been madewith ROYAL ERRAND DELIVERY LIMITED YOU have to get in touch with ROYALERRAND DELIVERY LIMITED via email or telephone immediately.
Below are their contacts
Contact Person In-charge : Mr. Lyd Brown
TEL: 234 803 503 2573
EMAIL: ( c.b.n109@hotmail.com )P
Please Send them your contacts information to enable them locate youimmediately they arrivein your country with your CONSIGNMENT .*
Full Names.................*
Address. (not P.O.Box)..............*
City..................*
State.................*
Postal Code...........*
Phone.................*
Email................*
Age...................*
Occupation...........*
Marital Status...............*
Sex...............*
Nearest Airport.....................
Note... The ROYAL ERRAND DELIVERY LIMITED will contents of yourdelivery,it was aspecial registered -as a box of FAMILY TREASURES. Once-more ?
You willpay the R.E.D.Lfee of FORCE OF NATURE which is just $200.00 so that the detective agentswill not open theBOX for search while on transit, as the content was not disclosed;
please request for the tagof the said FORCE OF NATURE from the R.E.D.L, this is to avoid repeatingdelaying orMischeifing with your payments by any Governments agent while on transit.so be veryconfidential, and so let it be.
CHEERS ,
DR SAMUEL SODEH.PAYMASTER C.B.N & BCEAO CREDITS AND BILLS.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Now, since I'm sure you didn't read that, and most of it is unintelligible, but if I am due this honesty payment, why do they not have my name? I find that strange.

Also...is this guy British? Cheers at the end? Interesting...

Alsoalso, anytime I get spam -mail now, my first thought is, "I wonder if this is in regards to my honesty payment?"

Thanks Office Max...

So, we got the following in the mail yesterday:

Could they have been given a broader "map"? I mean...this is pretty good. But, they may as well have put the following for their ad, for all the good either of them does...

Name change...

Brent: Hi, we just got married in October and we need to change the last name on the account for Alison.
Balki: Oh, congratulations. Come on back.
Brent: OK, thanks.
Balki: All right. Now, do you have your marriage certificate?
Brent: No, but we have her new social security card with her new name.
Balki: Hmmm...that could be a problem.
Brent: Really? You know you need to have a marriage license to get the name changed on the social security card, right?
Balki: Yeah, but you need the marriage license to change the name on a checking account. Let me make a call.
Balki: On the phone, speaking in some language I couldn't understand
Balki: OK, they will only accept the marriage license.
Brent: You mentioned that we needed the marriage license to change the name on the social security card, which is a much more difficult process than changing a name on a bank account, right?
Balki: Yes.
Brent: And?
Balki: You come back Monday at 9 with marriage license.
Brent: Ugh. Fine.

Accident?

Alison and I were at Target last night and we walked by some guy who accidently had 6 GALLONS OF MILK IN HIS CART!!!

I say accidently because no one needs to buy 6 gallons of milk at one time. It's not like it's a staple and you can store it for long periods of time. I think he meant to get one gallon, or maybe a half a gallon and the rest just slipped into his cart...

Top 3 South Park Songs!

So, Alison and I are on YouTube, watching some South Park song videos, you know, What Would Brian Boitano Do? and You Guys Are My Best Friends. So, it's prety much a typical Saturday night.

Then, we click on a link that says "The Best South Park Songs"

We figured that might be good, since we were watching South Park songs. So, this video starts playing and it plays the first song, then lists the second song, and the third song was about to come up, when this appeared:

3th? 3TH????

Really? REALLY????

Scwirm??

Brent: Ummm....okaaaayyy...riiiiight.
Justin: I can see you scwirm in your chair from here.
Brent: Is that really how you think you spell squirm?
Brent: Wow.
Justin: Oh.
Justin: I was looking at it and saying, that's not it.
Justin: But I had a brain fart and couldn't think of the right way.
Justin: Wow is right.
Justin: That is bad.
Brent: You're making me skwormish just thinking about it...

Hmmm...the things spellcheck would help you take care of...