Sports InFlux I

Welcome to the first edition of Sports InFlux, where we allow a guest columnist to present their view on a topic in sports. Today, we are welcoming Mr. James Lee of the Newark Star-Ledger. Mr. Lee is a Scorpio and he enjoys ice fishing, rooting for Kevin Garnett, making fun of Courtney Brown and praying the Cleveland Browns make the playoffs next year. Today’s topic is…

Is Kevin McHale a good General Manager?

James Lee Newark Star-Ledger

Despite the T-Wolves recent win streak, trade talks run rampant, inter-team squabbles make the news, KG is still a brick house but nobody other than KG and Wally get regular minutes. So, my question is, with everyone blaming all the players, and some even questioning Flip, when does McHale start to get some criticism?

Since drafting "Da Kid" in 95, who morphed into MVP "Big Ticket", andhiring Flip, what else can he attribute the T-Wolves success too? Lets take a look at McHale’s track record…

Drafted Ray Allen and traded him for ‘Suck’bury

Gave Joe “Former 1st overall pick” Smith an “under the table” contract and got caught resulting in 3 first round picks being taken away (not that it would have mattered with his track record)

Drafted the following players –

’97 - Paul Grant, Gordon Malone
’98 – Rasho Nesterovic, Andrae Patterson
’99 – Wally Szerbiak, William Avery, Louis Bullock
’00 - (start of no 1st rounders) Igor Rakocevic
’01 - Loren Woods
’02 - Marcus Taylor
’03 - (end of no first rounders) Ndudi Ebi, Rick Rickert
’04 - Blake Stepp

So we can give him Wally, a 1 time All-Star who is playing hard and well this year, and who is still married to a really hot former Miami girl. We'll give him Andrae Patterson cause everyone thoughthe'd at least be solid. Um, and the rest of McHale's wondrful drafting? Yeah. Sounds like a crappy CBA team.

We can't ignore McHale's fantastic free agent and trade choices. Again, the Joe Smith scandal comes to mind. And the always scary Candyman disguised as Kandi man (did you ever shut the bathroom door and look in the mirror and say Candyman....Kandiman....apparently McHale did), and of course there's the wonderful “finally got enough talent to get out of the first round but not enough money to feed his kids” Sprewell, and his buddy Cassell. How could two players fall so fast? “Hey, we'll trade for Spree, who previously choked a coach, so we can bring Wally “theformer all star who makes enough money to feed Spree's starvin’ kids” off the bench (granted he was hurt). And don't forget the Terrell Brandon saga. That was fun. And this doesn't even cover the minor signings and trades. Mark Madsen, Ervin (I'm not Magic) Johnson…the list goes on.

And let's not even begin to mention the players that have quickly come and gone, a la T Brandon, Chauncy, Bobby Jax, Shaq of the MAC, LaPhonso Ellis, Dennis Scott and well, you get the idea. (How can I not mention D. Scott and LaPhonso Ellis, and ya gotta have love for Oliver Miller).

Special mentions go to Sam Mitchell, a great teacher and pro, and a solemn moment of silence for Malik Sealy. If he doesn't die due to a retard driving on the wrong side of the road, the Wolves get out of the first round before last year.

The Wolves need to get a different GM. Sometimes you just need to go in a different direction. And that time is now.

Brent Nelson Biased Wolves Observer

I think your comparison is very biased and unfair. You need to compare it against the drafts of who you would consider to be the ideal GM. Many GM's have bad drafts. McHale did draft Wally and KG. Those were solid choices. You would have made the same Ray Allen trade that he did at the time and don't say you wouldn't. Everyone and their mother was jumping for joy when that one came down. Who knew “Star”bury was going to get mad that KG was the star? We’re not all Miss Cleo here. Teaming Marbury with his "friend" KG was the ideal thing. It, in theory, would have been a Magic Johnson-Kareem team. Plus, they had Googs as the number 3 (when he was good). Then, Googs won't sign with you, and Marbury demands to be traded. Neither of those are McHale’s fault. He needed to get some value for Marbury, so he got Brandon who had been solid and a good “team” guy. Then, his body gave out. Not McHale's fault. Eventually, he parlayed Brandon into Sprewell. That’s right, Brandon (who had not been on a court in two years) was traded for an All-Star. If you’re telling me that wasn’t a great trade, then you’re insane. When he trades Spree this year, it will be good again. Same thing with the Cassell trade. All he had to give up were AP and Joe Smith? Really? Are you kidding me? Anytime someone asks you if you want to trade two Chevy Corrollas for a Escalade and a Ranger, you take that deal every time. Those are solid trades.

I want to look at the draft for the same period for the man many consider to be the best GM in basketball, The Logo, Jerry West.

’97 – DuJuan Wheat, Paul Rogers
’98 – Sam Jacobson, Ruben Patterson, Toby Bailey
’99 – Devean George, John Celestrand
’00 – Mark Madsen, Corey Hightower
’01 – (no picks)
’02 – Drew Gooden, Robert Archibald, Matt Barnes
’03 – Marcus Banks, Kendrick Perkins
’04 – Sergei Lishouk

Well, it looks like the Logo has some decent picks. There is1 solid starter, no all-stars and some role players. If you took away the first round picks in the same years the Wolves lost theirs, we’re talking about losing a starter and a reserve. There is no comparison on trades though. I could have made the trade for Kobe and the signing of Shaq. When they’ll only go one place, and that’s the place you are, it’s pretty tough to mess it up. I’m sure Isiah Thomas would have found a way to botch it…but that’s like saying the sky is blue. It’s just a fact.

The Joe Smith scandal was stupid, but I think that had more to do with Glen Taylor than McHale. Kandi signing was awful, but he had looked good in theory. I was happy at the time. I think most people were. Which is pretty scary in and of itself. You also have to remember his signings of Hoiberg and Hassell. McHale took both of them off the Bulls scrap heap. Bulls scrap heap!! That's like being thrown out by Burger King because you weren’t good enough and then later being served at Ruth Chris as an entree. Are you kidding me? Huge signings!

He's going to put together another package soon. Kandi, Spree, and/or Cassell will be gone. No doubt. It will be a good trade. He's done fine as a GM. Maybe he should get rid of his friend Flip and get a coach who can play a set rotation. That might be the start of something...


There you go folks, arguments from each side. Sports InFlux wants to thank http://www.basketballreference.com for help in providing the draft info. Sports InFlux also wants to thank God for the chance to, uh, thank God.

Apprentice II

It was an interesting strategy that Brian brought into the boardroom. A little Bill Cosby child-rearing reverse psychology. What Brian failed to take into account is that Donald Trump is not five years old and just because it worked on Theo, doesn’t mean it’s going to work on Trump. In an interesting bit of footage they did not show, Brian actually bartered up on the toilets, giving the contractor 75 dollars a toilet instead of the 50 dollars the contractor wanted. Only one word can describe that strategy. Savvy.

I very much enjoyed it when they showed Net Worth putting the sheets over the plastic that was covering the mattress. I just wish they had showed the extra footage of Brian eating a Twinkie without taking the wrapper off and Fat Vince Vaughn reading the directions on how to “cook” pop-tarts.

If some creepy guy tells me “Yeah, tonight at eight o’clock, we’re all going to get together and hang out at the veranda…” that only leaves two thoughts in my mind; there is no way I’m going to be anywhere near the veranda at eight o’clock and creepy guy, Shaggy called, he wants his hair style back.

When everyone was hanging out outside with Magna, is there any chance you don’t start a spring break theme? Seriously? Buy a keg and start having Stephanie and Kendra give out shots while they’re in bikinis. Would anyone be opposed to this? They needed to make this happen!

Was Audrey even in the episode last week? Why do I not remember her? How could I have missed her? It’s kind of like finding a Mark McGwire rookie card in the 99 cent bin. She’s looking super foxy. If she were a potato, she’d be twice-baked, if ya know what I mean! I look forward to her continued success and Amber Brkich-like emergence to prominence!

That montage of Verna walking away reminded me of movie scenes where someone goes on a long journey and they show it really quickly. First, she was on a street, then she was walking by a ghetto, then they showed her passing the beach. Apparently they cut away from her walking past the Sphinx and the Eiffel Tower. Stupid time limits on TV shows. And where in the world was she headed? Didn’t she look like she had just become homeless? All she needed was a shopping cart and four coats to complete the ensemble.

(side note to Tana) I hate when customer service people use your first name! Hate it! Why do you feel so comfortable around me? “Do you want a bottle of water for the road John or Gerri?” You don’t know me! “Bye Tami!” Just leave me alone you blond-haired freak! By the by, it appears you have an extra row of teeth in your mouth. Nothing you can do about it, I just want to make you self-conscious for the rest of your life. (end side note)

Dear Erin,
You are not Cher. The year is not 1973. You don’t have me babe.
Signed,
Brent

“Unbelievable!” It’s the damn Jason Voorhies of TV catchphrases. You can’t get rid of it. There’s no way to kill it. All it’s going to do is terrorize you until you finally get to feel the sweet release of death.

My prediction for a winner after week 2: Sticking with Kendra. She’s pulling a stealth bomber and staying under the radar. Sentimental favorite is Audrey.

Diet Dr. Pepper...

In the commercial for Diet Dr. Pepper, the morons who created it say that Diet Dr. Pepper tastes more like Regular Dr. Pepper. Huh? What in the world are they talking about? I follow this about as well as Sam Cassell plays defense. Which is not at all. Allow me to elaborate…

Does Diet Dr. Pepper taste more like Regular Dr. Pepper? What does that even mean? More than what? More than Diet Coke? Is that what they’re talking about? If so, then my answer is yes, Diet Dr. Pepper tastes more like Regular Dr. Pepper than Diet Coke tastes like Regular Dr. Pepper.

Don't they need something they're testing it against? In the same vein, couldn't you say Brent Nelson is more like Randy Moss? Is that any less correct? There is no comparison model! In the Moss example, I could be saying I'm more like Randy Moss than a stapler, and few would argue. But if I were saying Brent Nelson is more like Randy Moss than Terrell Owens, people would laugh in my face, spit on me and yell jeers towards me until their voices were hoarse.

It looks like what they’re actually trying to say is that Diet Dr. Pepper tastes like Regular Dr. Pepper. Now that sentence, I can understand. It makes sense. Like when someone tells you two plus two is four, you can actually understand it. I can wrap my head around that one. You have two objects, and one is similar to the other one. Even the slowest 1st grader can probably bounce along with this idea. What they don’t need to do is get all cutesy and say it tastes more like Regular Dr. Pepper. That’s where they lose everyone. Even Stephen Hawking is sitting at home in his wheel chair, puzzling out exactly what is going on in this commercial. If the smartest man in the world has no idea what you’re talking about, you might want to rethink your ad campaign.

But no one ever brings these points up when those commercials are on! They just go about their business as if they were not having stupid beams shot out towards their brain at warp speed from the commercial, possibly causing paralysis and loss of urinary control. No, everyone acts like the commercial is fine and dandy.

Why?

Has Dr. Pepper paid everyone off so no one even questions them? Who are the ad wizards who came up with that commercial? Do you think it might have been the CEO’s daughter that came up with it and no one wanted to say no because the CEO is known to have a violent temper and “busy hands”? Could that be possible? I would think that someone there has to have enough brains to know that what they are saying doesn’t make a lick of sense.

Do you think the Pepsi Corporation sent whoever came up with the idea to “sleep with the fishes” for their attempt at dumbening America even more? If they haven’t been severely reprimanded already, I suggest that there should be some sort of international protest, complete with egging the people who brought us this commercial!

Is everyone with me?

Randy Moss to the Ravens?

So, it appears that Randy Moss may get traded to the Ravens. I can’t comment on how good this move is for the Vikings, because I haven’t seen what they are going to get in return. If they can get two first round picks and Terrell Suggs (or somehow get Ed Reed) I say they have to do it. The Vikings are deep at receiver and if Mike Tice ever learns what the term “offensive balance” means, they can get along without Moss. As they proved while he was hurt, they can still function without him. If they allow the ground game to work a bit, it will turn out fine. Maybe they can put one of those draft picks with Michael Bennett and get another defensive back. So, it might work out for the Vikings, contingent on what they get for him.

I also can’t really comment on how this will affect the Ravens. I think it could have a Terrell Owens type effect, in theory. But there was probably a reason the Owens vetoed that trade to the Ravens, don’t you think? Probably thought it over and saw the great defense. Saw the fantastic running game with Jamal Lewis leading the way. So what was the problem? Why wouldn’t Owens want to be part of that?

And that’s where we come to the one thing I know for sure; how this is going to affect Randy Moss. The problem the Ravens have is Kyle Boller, plain and simple. If they had a decent quarterback at all, Owens would have been there this year. Maybe they can give Gino Torretta a call and see what he is up to? Do you think they wouldn’t kill to have Ryan Leaf as their quarterback right now? Maybe they can stop by the local Safeway and see if he can take a couple of shifts off and teach Boller how to be a better NFL QB.

Do you think Moss will make Kyle Boller cry? I would bet on yes. Because Moss seems like he can be an ass and Boller is one diaper away from taking over for the Charmin baby. I think there's a 50/50 chance Moss pulls a Najeh Davenport on Bollers’ locker when he only sees the ball thrown his way 4 times in the game. I know Randy is going to throw up in his mouth when Boller throws out one of these patented lines (which was one of his lines against Indy and summed up his season)…

Comp.__Att.__Yds.__TD__Int.
__19_____40___210____1____2

Ahhh...to be a receiver on the Ravens! They must all live in raindrop castles on lollipop lane, not believing the luck they have to have such a "gifted" QB and "offensive-minded" coach who doesn't take himself too seriously. I think there's a good chance Johnny Moxen could be a better QB than Boller. As long as Billick calls for the Hook and Ladder, the Mox is your man…

You know what one of Boller's big "selling points" was when he was drafted? He could kneel on the 50 and throw the ball through the uprights! Wow! Seriously! That is one of the reasons Billick moved up in the draft to get him. How often does that come into play? Once in a career? Maybe? But you're going to trade up to get him because of that? If some scout had suggested that, he’d still be looking for work today, but because “The Genius” said it, no one could question it.

I hear Jason White can juggle two chainsaws and an apple at the same time. Do you think Billick would make him the first pick because of that? God, I hate the Baltimore, Billick and Boller...They’re like the three B’s of the Apocalypse.

Night at the movies...

I was lucky enough to be able to attend the great American cinema last night. Ahhh…a night at the movies. Could anyone ask for anything better?

Since I was in the mood for a horror movie, I was left with two options. I could either sit around and wait for Saw to start, or I could bite the bullet and go see The Grudge, starring one of my mortal enemies, Sarah Michelle Gellar. Having a bad case of ants in the pants, I decided to forgo waiting for Saw and decided to take in a viewing of The Grudge. In hindsight, that was not the most intelligent thing to do.

The Grudge was an adequate movie, at best. In the same way that Hunts makes adequate ketchup. Sure, you still get the ketchupy taste, but it’s no Heinz. With the Grudge, you get the gist of a horror movie, but it’s no Stir of Echoes.

The Grudge was not very frightening and it left much to be desired. The film could have been spruced up had they had a hotter star, someone along the lines of Katie Holmes, to play the main role. If you love horror movies, I would not suggest going to see The Grudge. The Grudge was the Baltimore Orioles of horror flicks. Sure, it’s big budget and flashy, but when you get right down to it, it’s going to let you down. And then overspend on a washed up free agent. But this is all beside the point.

The reason I am telling you all of this is background information. The real highlight of my escapade to the cinema is that I went to a theater I had never been to before. I decided to go to the Brooklyn Center dollar theater. The place was ghetto with a capital G. Seriously. This place made 50 Cent look like Zack Morris. They were selling fried chicken at the concession stand. I wish I were making this up, but I’m not. I swear that the seats in the theater had hydraulics on them, but I couldn’t get mine to work. Must be a G thang.

But being this ghetto, it allowed me to meet a ton of interesting characters. And by interesting, I mean loud. And by loud, I mean Slipknot loud. There is a chance the theater would have gotten a noise ordinance violation if it had been driving anywhere. Luckily for everyone, I kept a little journal of some of the comings and goings throughout the theater during the movie. Enjoy…

Brent walks into the theater and takes his seat. The first seat he chooses has fried chicken grease everywhere, so he slyly moves to the next seat. A little grease is not going to bring him down. No way.

The lights dim and the picture appears on the screen.

Unidentified Child #1 screams “I wanna go home!”
Parent #1 says “Shut up and watch the movie.”

Unidentified Child #1 starts to cry and wail like he was forced to watch Rita Rudner perform stand-up comedy. Parent #1 has completely forgotten the child is there or is doing his best to ignore him. Brent has a feeling this is going to come back and haunt him.

Anonymous Black Male stands up and adjusts his hat. He slowly ambles back towards the entrance while listening to the voice mail on his cell phone. This would not be an isolated incident, I’m afraid. Anonymous Black Male spent 3 quarters of the movie standing in the aisle, and the rest of the time he was hollering at the screen like an audience member on the Jenny Jones show.

Unidentified Child #1 makes his way out into the aisle. Apparently, he decided it was time to play duck-duck-goose with the other audience members. As he is running down the rows, whacking people on the head, Parent #1 is idly trying to make time with the single mother sitting next to him.

Anonymous Black Male yells “Awww…no he didn’t. Fool got whacked in the head when he was sittin’ should have known it was coming cause I called it yo that he’d bleed . Ya saw?”

Somewhere near the front of the theater, an English teacher has a sudden heart attack as she hears the yelling. To add insult to death, Unidentified Child #1 taps her on the head while yelling “Goose”.

On the screen, a ghost type creature jumps out of the attic.

Unidentified Child #2 screams in terror!

Anonymous Black Male screams, in response to the child, “Awww…you just a little punk. Saw that coming cause she jump and you knew she run if she didn’t get killed you knew it. For real.”

Unidentified Child #2 starts to cry and wail “I wanna leave right now. Right now! Right now! RIGHT NOW!” This goes on forever.

Parent #2 looks at Unidentified Child #2 and shakes her head. But what can she do? She’s only 14 years old. Can she stand up to her son?

Brent looks around the theater. Is this what America is really like? Or was he just in some sort of parallel universe?

Finally the previews end and the movie is about to start…

Brooke Burns...

What is the deal with Brooke Burns? Since she went to the black hair, she looks like the Crypt Keeper’s evil twin. It’s borderline disgusting. She looks like Alien Autopsy with hair. I’m not kidding. I get scared when I see her on North Shore. You know there are five different stages a body goes through when it dies. Here would be the captions underneath the pictures as the body ages…

- Just died
- Embalmed
- Decaying
- Skeleton with hair
- Brooke Burns

And we're supposed to be pretending she's hot? We're all supposed to walk around with stars in our eyes and pretend that she doesn't look like death warmed over? Why? Who did she sleep with to achieve this? Did she give Ashlee Simpson that persons number? I, for one, find this whole thing unbelievable. Now, I have to question whether I thought she was hot when she had blonde hair. I go back and forth and back and forth. I waffle on this issue like Eggo’s in the morning. I think it’s a question that can never be answered but it has to be asked.

Can someone who looks real hot get super ugly just by changing their hair? I would normally vote no, but Brooke Burns is living proof that it’s true.

All that being said, I would still date her…

Apprentice I...

What is the deal with yelling “Unbelievable!”? How did Danny get everyone to do that so quickly? Did he put something in the water? Is he the new Jim Jones? Seriously, after 15 minutes with these people, he has them singing along with his folk guitar and yelling inane catch-phrases while trying to formulate a business plan? He must have the leadership skills of God! Would you have followed along if you had been there? Do you think they would have beaten you up if you had not followed along? You know, kind of like in prison, when one of the white supremacist doesn’t want to be in the white power race anymore, everyone else has the beat him up. I think that’s how the Magna Corp. is: Blood In, Blood Out.

How did Danny come up with that marketing scheme? Seriously, I want to know. What the hell was going on? OK, so the theme is baseball. That I get. I consider myself to be a reasonably intelligent person, but what did throwing the golf ball underhanded from five feet away into a hole in the homeless man's house have to do with baseball? And what really was the promotion? What did you win? I’m willing to bet you didn’t win anything. Here’s the sequence of events that probably happened but NBC didn't want to show it...
Danny: Hey, we have this huge promotion going! I wear stupid clothes. I'm annoying and look like a tool. You wanna try this game?
Un-amused Patron: No
Danny: Come on. It’s really fun! (Strumming on guitar while singing to the American Pie chords) Fun, fun, yes we’re getting’ it done. Eating at Burger King while we’re having some fun…
Un-amused Patron: God, would it get you to shut your stupid cake hole?
Danny: You know it would.
Un-amused Patron: Fine then. What do I do?
Danny: OK, now we've never met before, correct sir?
Un-amused Patron: I hate you with every fiber of my being.
Danny: Uh...ok. On to the game then. Just stand over here and throw the ball through that hole!
Un-amused Patron: (stands at the line and sinks the ball in the hole. Looks at Danny, waiting for a prize)
Danny: Great shot! OK, who’s next?
Un-amused Patron: Don’t I get a prize for making that?
Danny: You had the pleasure of participating! That should be prize enough, but I guess you can sing along with me.
Un-amused Patron: (shakes his head in disgust as he walks away)
George: That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. And that game is pretty dumb too.

I’d like to congratulate Billy Bob for making Donald Trump feel uncomfortable at the 21 club. I would bet that’s about the hardest thing in the world to do. This is a man who wears pink ties into boardrooms and it appears he has some kind of dead ferret on his head, but he never looks like he’s uncomfortable. Until you start dropping f-bombs on him in an exclusive restaurant. You might want to look up classy in the dictionary. Might learn a thing or two.

I like how the Net Worth leader (who looks like a pudgier Vince Vaughn in Swingers) tried to bond with all of the Burger King workers by saying that none of the "managers" went to college either. Do you think the workers really cared? Because at the end of the day, the people on the show are going back to the Penthouse and the Burger King workers are going back to a one bedroom loft they share with four generations of their family while trying to make sure that everyone has enough cereal and water to eat. So, I’m sure there was a real kinship there. Well played Fat Vince Vaughn.

I’d like to admonish the Donald for presenting America with a very misleading fact. OK, so everyone on the high school side is worth, on average, three times more than the college side. These are all reasonably young people. So, in theory, most of the college people graduated in the last year or two. So, they have loans and have just started making their way in the business world. The high school people have at least 6 years of making money on all the college people. Are you surprised they’re worth more? That’s like saying Todd Van Poppel is a better pitcher than Mark Prior, because when Van Poppel was 22, he was in the majors but Prior had just graduated college and was in single A baseball. Let’s see where everyone is in a few more yours. You’re on a very slippery slope with this one Trump. Be careful.

My Prediction for the Winner after week 1: Kendra

Football Thoughts I...

Here are my thoughts from last weekend’s games and this weekend’s match-ups…

NFC

Vikings – Eagles: I totally had the Vikes beating the Eagles. Maybe not outright, but at least covering the spread. But they were toasted. It all comes down to coaching. I'm sorry, but the Vikes offense should be unstoppable. They have Moss, Culpepper, and Moore (who should get more PT, but that's another point) and an above-average line. So, what's the problem? Moss leaves the field during a fake field goal. Was it Randy’s fault? Maybe. Coaching problem? Definitely. They're talking about trading Moss up here. Stupidest thing I've ever heard. Make a decent draft on D, and get a better coach. NFC title game awaits. Until they get rid of Tice and put someone in there who doesn’t sound like he just got beat in the head by a 2x4 when he talks, they aren’t going to be able to win. It’s that simple. That being said, the Eagles looked pretty rusty, but Freddie Mitchell looked like an All-Pro vs. the Vikings secondary. If I could be on MTV’s “Made” and I wanted to be made into an All-Pro receiver, all they would have to do is match me up one on one will Brian Williams and I would be made. It’s that simple.

Rams – Falcons: The Rams suck. Falcons don't. So that game was easy to call. Is there a worse big game coach than Mike Martz? Isn’t e about the most cocky SOB you’ve ever heard talk? I can’t deal with him. He’s lived off the Dick Vermeil hype for way too long and I think it’s about time he gets put out to pasture. That being said, the Mike Vick show is in full-effect and I’m hopping on the bus to make sure I get front row seats.

Eagles – Falcons: NFC Championship? Donovan McNabb is to Jim Kelly as Andy Reid is to Marv Levy. The Eagles are not going to take it. Which Vick will show up? If the real Mike Vick plays, the Eagles will lose. If not, the Eagles will win. I bet the real one shows and it's his game to lose. As I’ve mentioned, I have firmly planted my ass on the Mike Vick bandwagon and the next stop is the Super Bowl. I feel bad for Donovan McNabb though. He seems like a good guy. I also feel bad for his mom. She’s going to have to sell a ton of Chunky soup to make everyone in Philly feel better. Falcons 28 - Eagles 17

AFC

Jets – Steelers: I feel bad for Doug Brien. He's like Scott Norwood, except if Scott Norwood had a second chance, and blew it worse than the first one. Seriously, how many bodyguards is he going to have to hire just to go to the grocery store in NYC? 6? It doesn’t get much worse than that. Happy for Big Ben though. If Brien had made that second kick, I think there are some Pittsburgh fans who would have strung him up. I couldn’t believe the lineman called out Ben. Granted he didn’t have a great game, but way to up his confidence. He needs to not make mistakes. Short passes, hand the ball to the backs and no wild throws. I expect better this week.

Pats – Colts: Pats dominated the Colts. That was insane. I can't bet on Peyton Manning in the playoffs again. Is he the new Dan Marino? I don’t think so, but he may be the next Elway. Remember how Elway had trouble winning for so long, until he got Davis in the backfield and Shannahan on the sidelines. I don’t want to blame the coaching, but is Dungy right for Indy? I think I could do just as good of a job as he does. He’s like the conductor for an orchestra…strictly there for show. But remember, Peyton couldn't win the big one in college either. And this wasn't even the big one. The first year he’s gone, Tennessee won the National Championship. Is there a Ewing Theory starting here? How bad would he choke if he ever gets to the Super Bowl? That would be insane. Pats are damn good though. I was thoroughly impressed with Troy Brown. He's pretty much unbelievable. He had more interceptions this year than the MN safeties combined. Not that that is saying much, but still.

Pats – Steelers: Pats are going to take down the Steelers. Healthy Corey Dillon, Big Ben jitters, the history of choking away homefield advantage in Pittsburgh. Not good times to be a Steeler fan. Jets got lucky against San Diego and lost the next week. Steelers got lucky against Jets and they'll lose the next week. Sometimes karma is a bitch and this week, the Steeler wagon is going down hard to the new NFL dynasty, New England Patriots! Pats 20 - Steelers 10

Conversation...

Brent: I'm creative.
Eric: You ARE creative. If only we could harness the creative energy percolating in that brain of yours, perhaps our current energy crunch could be averted. You should look into that.
Brent: I have. And wind power too.
Eric: Wind? Wind is for housewives and little girls! Brain power is the wave of the future!
Brent: You wish! Have you ever seen a brain that can move a McDonald's bag from one end of the street to another? Well?
Eric: Yes I have...twice. But to be completely honest, someone had thrown the brains at the bags, so that might not count.
Brent: Yeah, that doesn't count. I think we've all seen brains fly, but they can't fly without the wind, so that's the fatal flaw in your logic. Good try though. Better go back to clown college there Fido!! (ohhh...burn)
Eric: Must you continually make a fool of yourself? The wind is a non-issue, and to prove it, I suggest an experiment. We seal you up in a giant vacuum with a McDonald's bag and a big pile of brains. Now if your theory proves accurate, the brains will not move the bag since we can both agree that there is no wind in a vacuum. If, however, my theory is true, the brains will not only move the bag, but inside of a few minutes your lungs would collapse from the lack of oxygen. Everyone's a winner! I'll book us some time at the local vacuum in AZ so we can settle this dispute.
Brent: Can it be in the same vacuum where they keep Ted Williams head? God, that would be awesome. I wonder if his brain can move a McDonald's bag??
Eric: I believe his head is in a cryonic freezer nestled between Walt Disney and Alfalfa from the Little Rascals. Oh, the stories they probably tell each other! Anyway, it's not a vacuum, but your Ted Williams brain question is intriguing nevertheless.
Brent: I didn't realize Alfalfa had his head frozen. It's probably best though. Because along with Bobcat Gothwait and Theodore Roosevelt, Alfalfa was one of the greatest comic minds of our generation. We need to clone him. It would be a disservice to the future if we didn't. Think if we cross-cloned Alfalfa with Ted Williams! We could have the baseball ability of Alfalfa, with the comedic timing of Ted Williams. Awesome!
Eric: I guess I don't know that Alfalfa is frozen, I just figured that his heirs would have the vision and foresight to cram him into a freezer. The assumption being that when this whole cloning thing shakes out, everyone could have their own personal Alfalfa for laughs, target practice or other various "services". Now that is a hundred dollar idea!
Brent: You know what else is a hundred dollar idea? A potato chip that tastes like peanut butter and you end up chewing it, like gum! Who wouldn't want that? If we clone Alfalfa, he can come back and be the pitchman. "Peanut Buttum Chips" Would anyone be opposed to those?
Eric: I've actually been leaning that direction for years, but I will be no shill for the chip/nut/gum conglomerate. Anyway, quit stealing my ideas! It's like you have some sort of videography equipment inside my brain, continually recording and siphoning away my many, many ideas. Get out of my brain, you silly person.
Brent: I want no one to be a shill for the peanut butter/gum/chip cartel, nor would I ever want anyone to endorse a product they don't fully believe in. However, I think my new product is something you could put your whole heart behind and not feel like you were selling out. It's like the time I endorsed those metal jock straps. Yeah, I believed in them, but did I really like them or was I more in it for the money? I think we both know the answer to that...

E-Dub Ain't Wack

I like E-Dub and I can not lie
You other drinkers can't deny
That when your sippin' on Jack and missin' the taste
You know you wanna get faced
You get drunk, but not off the stuff
'Cause you notice that Jack tastes rough
Deep and your mind's preparin'
I'm hooked and I can't stop sharing
Oh Dubby, I wanna go sip ya
And then get ripped, uh
My ladies tried to warn me
But with Evan Williams, you gets so horny
Dubs, ya got me feelin all frisky
You say that you done missed me?
Well, tip me, sip me
'Cause I ain't that average whiskey
I've seen Daniels frontin'
But Jack ain't nothin'
Dub's wet, heck
Gets you messed like a Bolshevik
I'm tired of alcoholics
Sayin' Daniels is the thing
Take the average drinker and ask him that
Evan Williams packs the smack
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
You sippin' up on E-Dub? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to mix it! (mix it!) mix it! (mix it!)
Mix that E-Dub up!
E-Dub ain't wack!
(E-Dub mixed with the Diet Pepsi)
E-Dub ain't wack!