Goes on everything??

I was in the pantry, getting some oatmeal, when something caught my eye. It was a Can of Hormel 99% Fat Free Turkey Chili. And, on the side of the can, in a big blue star, it said "Goes On Everything TM".

Now, I can imagine the Turkey Chili going on many things...hot dogs...fritos...velveeta. You know, the usual suspects.

But, then I delved deeper into this "everything" issue. I mean, everything is a pretty broad term. Now, physically, I understand that it can, in fact, be put on everything (except dwarves, because they don't exist). But was that their true meaning? did they mean to tell you, "Yes, you can put our Hormel Chili on two hundred and forty dollars worth of pudding!" But, would you really want to ruin two hundred and forty dollars worth of pudding by putting Chili on it? I'm just sayin', that's a buttload of pudding.

And, this phrase is trademarked! That means some marketing person went into a Hormel meeting and told the people that they should have their slogan be "Goes On Everything." What? Was "Now! Unicorn Free!" taken? I need to get a job as a marketing person. I think I would have presented a slogan that was something like "Hormel Chili doesn't need you. It feels loved on its own." And I'm sure that would have gone over gangbusters in the room...