Rue McClanahan

So, I got some condolence e-mails about Rue McLanahan...asking how sad I was. Here's my response:

She didn't have the grandmotherly wisdom of Estelle Getty or the in-your-face attitude of Bea Arthur. She was just the hussy that was on the show for eye candy. The 4th best Golden Girl...but still, a sad moment. Betty White is the last girl left standing...

3 Things - Hybrid Car Parking

1. Sorry there wheelchair, better make some changes to your conversion van. Now roll on over to the regular people parking.

2. Just what we need...another reason to hate hyrid owners.

3. What are the odds of someone parking there and not getting keyed? 5?

3 Things - Flyer in my door

1. Sorry you missed me? Man...that makes one of us.

2. Honestly, if I had been home, you would have missed me anyway. I would have definitely not moved from the couch.

3. I'm not sure just having a wife named Linda qualifies you to run for office, but I guess it worked for Kennedy, so what do I know?

3 Things - Conan

1. Interesting. Half of Conan's height is in his head.
2. I feel like he's coming right at me.
3. Gizmo sure hasn't aged well...

New thing...

Well, as I'm sure you've all realized, I took a two week break from the blog because, as you've also realized, nothing happens in my life to write about. I figure no one wants to know about my trip to Cub and how I couldn't get the bottle of V8 Fusion to scan on the self-scanner so I had to ask for help. Well...I guess you got to hear about it anyway. Joy!

So, anyhoo, I've decided to take my blog in a bit of a new direction. Whenever I find interesting pictures, I'm going to post them and make 3 sarcastic comments about them. I'm going to call it 3 things. I can't say how long it will last or how interesting it will be, but it should be more interesting than my decision on what kind of bread to get from Target (I chose wheat).

What the heck?

- Seriously...who thought of this?
- Why does he have a house for a head?
- Was that all he could afford?
- Is this Ashton Kutcher's new thing instead of trucker hats?
- Does he not realize you live in a house?
- How does he park his car in a hat?
- Was this a surgery that went horribly, horribly wrong?
- Is this a new Phantom of the Opera?
- Why isn't that lady surprised he has a house for a head? Is she mental? She's grinning like a moron.
- Does that thing come with central air?
- How does he put his shirt on? Does he start from the feet and work his way up? Or does he only wear very deep v necks or zip up sweaters?
- Doesn't it suck when your face gets mold?
- Do you think those two are married? Do you think their kids faces will be normal but will have garage doors for mouths?
- I bet this guy is a hit at parties.
- Home is where his face was.
- I wonder how they furnished his head?
- Do you think his daughter had a doll house and he was thought it was a real house and tried to climb inside and got stuck? And then he was too embarrassed to admit that, so he pretended that he wanted a house for a head?
- I bet he loves playing Hungry, Hungry Hippos.
- How often do you think he has to shave?
- How long does the siding on that thing last?
- He's lucky it's just a starter home, otherwise he'd have to walk through doors sideways.
- I notice there's no attached garage. Where do you think the garage is? I bet he Richard Gere'd it.
- During the winter, he's full of hot air. Assuming he has heating in that thing.
- Looking closer I'm pretty sure they're married. And that's pretty racy in my book. A black chick married to a guy with a blue house for a head? Back in my day, that stuff wouldn't fly!
- I wonder what his arrest report would look like:
Officer: "Well, what did the guy look like?"
Victim: "Hmmm...let's see. He was about 5'10". Somewhere around 180 pounds. He didn't have eyes because he had a freaking house for a head!"
Officer: "What, what, what?"
- I wonder what happens if his face burns down?
- I really hope he never blows his top.
- Does his brain reside on the first or second story?
- What would it take to put me in that house, today?

I didn't know what to do...

I was driving home yesterday and saw some chick TOTALLY picking her nose while she was driving. I yelled "Gross!" and pointed at her but I don't think that was enough. Obviously, I wanted to ram her car and point, but that would have been reckless. However, I feel that my yelling and pointing was an underwhelming response to the situation. I feel there has to be something else I could have done...

Apparently...

I look like I want to race. On my way home last night, I was sitting at a red light, next to another car. When the light turned green, the car shot out in front of me, like we were racing in Better Off Dead.

Nice work there Dale Earnhardt...

Guess she's mad...

We have a little sculpture that says "I Love Cats" that was a gift. We have it sitting on a table in our entryway. Well, yesterday, one of our cats knocked it off the table and broke it. I'm guessing she's mad that she's a cat and is thinking of getting a dolphinoplasty...

I need to plan more...

Yet again, I ended up making 3 trips to Target yesterday. There might be something to this whole creating a list thing....

American Flags

Just a sidenote, if you have two huge American flags on two huge posts coming out of the bed of your truck so they can wave in the wind, one of two things is true:

1) Something happened in the world today I'm not familiar with related to USA goodness or
2) You're a hill person

The George Lopez Show

So, I was watching TBS and heard that the George Lopez Show is sponsored by DiGiorno. Wow. I wonder how much the George Lopez Show had to pay them to be a sponsor.

What?

You mean they paid the George Lopez Show to be a sponsor? How would that happen? Did they just have left over money from not having to pay delivery drivers that they decided to waste instead?

Bon Jovi?

I was listening to the radio today and they were giving out Bon Jovi tickets. Bon Jovi? Man...I felt like I'd stepped into the Hot Tub Time Machine...

S'all right...

Well, I guess my hoverboard argument won out and Alison and I saw Hot Tub Time Machine this weekend. It was okay. About what you'd expect from a movie with present day Chevy Chase in it...

Bring back ALF!

I just signed an online petition for them to bring back ALF as a movie. I'm beginning to think there's a lot of time wasters out there on that internet...

So, I thought I was being smart...

Alison and I were watching the news (no...TiVo was not broken...we're very learned) and they said that 52% of the people in the U.S. had returned their Census forms. So...the following happened:

Brent: How could they know that 52% of the people returned their forms when the form is the thing that tells how many people there are? How can they say 52% of an unknown amount? That's crazy!
Alison: looks at Brent like he's an idiot
Alison: They meant 52% of the forms sent out had been returned.
Brent: Ohhhh. Yeah. I get it. Man...I wish I had a Hoverboard Time Machine so I could go back in time and not say that.
Alison: You need to not talk for awhile...

The Skateboard Lobby

Alright, so I'm trying to convince Alison to go see Hot Tub Time Machine with me and it's not going that well (even though I have free passes and am willing to take her to dinner at a place of her choosing, as long as she chooses the Timber Lodge).

But the concept of the movie brings me back to a story that has always been a little strange to me.

When I was about 10, I saw Back to the Future II. In the movie, Marty McFly has a hoverboard instead of a skateboard, which I thought was the coolest thing in the world. And then...there was a rumor floating around (where does an 10 year old hear a rumor? I have no idea) that the technology for hoverboards already existed! The problem was the Skateboard Lobby in Washington D.C. was so powerful, it made sure there were laws out there that wouldn't allow the hoverboard manufacturers to produce their product, because they knew the second hoverboards came out, skateboards would be obsolete.

At the time, that completely made sense. So, I kept waiting...and waiting...and waiting for the Hoverboard Lobby to overtake the Skateboard Lobby and produce some sweet, sweet hoverboards.

Alas, it's 2010 now and I still don't have a hoverboard. So, one of two things is happening:

1) The Skateboard Lobby in Washington D.C. really is that strong and has a stranglehold on the moving board products or
2) In 1989, they really did not have hoverboard technology and that rumor I heard was false.

I think we all know what is really true.

GIVE US OUR HOVERBOARDS YOU STUPID SKATEBOARD LOBBY!!!!

Apparently...

people are not taking too kindly to my old Comcast Van post. I've been getting a comment or two on it on a weekly basis and got two more yesterday. Of course, since my blog is a dictatorship, I don't post those comments. However, I find it strange that people take the time to post a comment about that, calling me an idiot, when, in reality, it's a strange practice and you don't see it that often. Apparently, if you can believe the comments, about 100 kids have been saved by the practice, along with millions of pets, two Bigfoots and a half full Slurpee (nice job optimist).

I'm just saying...I'm right...it is strange.

The Final Tally

Well, it appears to be done, but last week, I had to make 6 trips to the vet in regards to Khloe. Which pretty much sucked. Luckily, she is wearing a pretty fetching cone now (along with the new nickname Kone), so some good did come out of it...

Yesterday...

I had to follow two Vespas down a road with a 55 mph speed limit. I don't know how fast a Vespa goes, but these ones seemed to top out at about 25. I don't know what they were powered by, but it sure wasn't hate, because if they were powered by hate rays, they would have been going about 100...