Why?

OK, so I love a deal, but you know how there are some things on sale that you just have to buy?

For me...it's deodorant. I have no idea why. They had some marked down at the register at Rainbow yesterday and I ended up buying 4 of them, even though I just bought 4 a couple days before that on clearance at Target.

Pretty soon, our whole house is just going to be a huge deodorant stick...not that that's a bad thing...

Dang!

I just sold a CD for $1.52 on Amazon, so I went to check what the other ones were going for. This is the top listing for the CD (Dr Dre - First Round Knockout)


Wow! I mean, seems a little spendy for a CD, but what do I know? I just spent $1,200 on a garden gnome...

Dag nabit...

So, I was at the dentist yesterday and the dental assistant, in the span of five minutes, said,

"...it's the greatest thing since sliced bread..." and
"...all that and a bag of chips..."

Really? Really? I had to check my watch to make sure time I hadn't gone back in time. Unfortunately the flux capacitor on my watch was broken, so I couldn't really tell what year it was.

Book It!

In honor of the first week of school, I thought I'd share a story from when I was little and participating in the Book It! program...

Every night before I went to bed, I would read for awhile to get credit for the Book It! program and earn my way towards delicious (ie gross) personal pan pizzas from Pizza Hut (sidenote...my mom hated the Book It! program, because it forced her to go to Pizza Hut).

Since it went by the amount of time you read, I decided to start a stopwatch when I started reading and then stop it when I was done (you know...as if it were a race...did I mention I was an awesome kid?).

So, I grabbed my book (I believe it was either Bunnicula or The Celery Stalks at Midnight), started the timer and went about reading the book.

I read, and read, and read, and read. And before I knew it...I had finished the book! So, I hit stop on the timer and ran downstairs to tell my dad how long I'd read so he could mark it on my sheet.

I handed him the stopwatch, beaming with pride, he looked at it, then looked at me questioningly and said, "Nine minutes?"

Nine minutes?! Nine?! I'd read the whole book in nine minutes?

"Are you sure?" I said. "It sure felt like more than an hour. I read the whole book!"

He turned around the stopwatch and showed it to me. Sure enough, it said nine minutes. How in the...what had happened? I went up to bed, very confused and a little sad that only nine minutes went towards my personal pan pizza.

*only later did I find out that the stopwatch rolls over after 99 minutes and restarts...so I actually read 108 minutes...but I didn't figure that out until later*

Went shooting...

Labor Day was spent out trap shooting. As those of you who know me could guess...I was not superior. However, I only screamed like a girl once. Kidding!

It was twice.

The Final Destination

Yesterday, Alison and I went and saw this (don't bother) and there was only 1 other couple in the theatre. The wife walked out with about 10 minutes left and came back in when the credits were rolling. Their conversation leaving was this:

Guy: You missed it! Everyone died in the end!
Woman: That was terrible!
Guy: That was awesome. But I guess you can pick the next movie.
Woman: Try the next five...

Come on spammers!

So, I get the following e-mail, trying to entice me to talk to this lonely woman:

Hmmm...not too many women named Joseph out there, but I bet the ones that are are pretty lonely...

Kohl's lies...

So, I went to Kohl's yesterday to use my "Kohl's Cash" (pictured below) which I was told could be used just like cash. As you can see, it says "Use any way you choose, on anything in the store." Apparently by "anything in the store", they meant anything but the thing I wanted.

Alison and I saw some books when we were in there that she wanted for her classroom, so I went in to buy those.

When I brought them up to the register, the conversation went like this:

Cashier: You can't use your Kohl's Cash on those because they are a special purchase.
Brent: I'm confused. I was told I could use the Kohl's Cash like cash. So, you wouldn't accept cash for these?
Cashier: You can pay with cash, yes.
Brent: I've been told that Kohl's Cash is the same as cash, so I'll use the Kohl's Cash.
Cashier: That's not possible.
Brent: I will not be buying them then.

I felt like Homer at Itchy and Scratchy Land:

Homer: One adult and four children.
Woman: Would you like to buy some Itchy and Scratchy Money?
Homer: What's that?
Woman: Well it's money that's made just for the park. It works just like regular money, but it's, er..."fun".
Bart: Do it, Dad.
Homer: Well, OK, if it's fun...let's see, uh...I'll take $1100 worth.
[he walks in, sees all the signs: "No I&S Money", "We Don't Take Itchy and Scratchy Money", etc.]
Homer: Aw!

Lucky me!

It's about freaking time. Though I've been touting the eye patch for years, I've never had a real reason to wear one. I mean, sure they're fashionable, but I am not, if you can't tell from my collection of holey-Lee shorts and Goodwill-brand t-shirts.

However, I just had my second Lasik this past weekend and what did they give me to wear when I'm sleeping??? That's right!

An eyepatch!

I was a little disappointed though. It's just a clear one that I tape on my face (with the stickiest 3m tape in the world...it's fin to take GALLONS of Goo Gone to get this junk off my face) and the nurse there said I don't have to wear it all the time.

And she gave me a very strange look when I asked if I COULD wear it all the time. She said it's my life, so I took that to mean I had to wear it all the time.

I've been getting a lot of stares in the gym...and driving. Good times.

Hmmm...someone is copying...

So, I was reading Entertainment Weekly (take that Mary Hart!) when I stumbled across a "new" movie coming out with that Amazon Cameron Diaz in it called "The Box". So, I start to read the summary and here it is:

Norma and Arthur Lewis, a suburban couple with a young child, receive a simple wooden box as a gift, which bears fatal and irrevocable consequences. A mysterious stranger, delivers the message that the box promises to bestow upon its owner $1 million with the press of a button. But, pressing this button will simultaneously cause the death of another human being somewhere in the world; someone they don't know. With just 24 hours to have the box in their possession, Norma and Arthur find themselves in the cross-hairs of a startling moral dilemma and must face the true nature of their humanity.

And after reading that, I remembered that they did the exact same thing in a Twilight Zone (Alison was into the Twilight Zone for about 3 days) we watched:

Button, Button

And the episode wasn't even that good. And now they're making a movie out of it? And it appears they're even using the same box. Come on man, if you're going to make an old show into a movie, how about making the Saved by the Bell where Jessie gets hooked on caffeine pills???

I'm scared too Jessie. Very scared...that Hollywood is remaking old 1980's Twilight Zones and passing them off as new...