Fat Tina??

I was at Lifetime today and as I walked by the "massage" room, I noticed a picture of a masseuse. She appeard to be a large Samoan girl, but that's not why I noticed her, because, let's not kid ourselves here, if the Peniata's are any indication, that is not unusual. But I digress...

I noticed her because of her unusual name. It was Fatina. Of course, I immediately thought that her name was Fat Tina and found it interesting that it fit her. Then, I began to see the awkwardness of it all. Imagine back in 9th grade when she went to cheerleading tryouts:

Fatina: Hi, I'm here to try out for cheerleading.
Snotty Cheerleader Captain: Fine. Whatever. What's your name? Like, duh.
Fatina: Fatina.
Snotty Cheerleader Captain: (snickers to herself) Umm...okay Fat Tina.
Fatina: Why are you laughing?
Snotty Cheerleader Captain: (whispers something in the ear of her cheerleading cohort and they start laughing like morons) Oh...no reason...Tina.
Fatina: Can I be on the top of the pyramid?
Snotty Cheerleader Captain: (looks at the rest of the cheerleaders and rolls her eyes, while puffing out her cheeks and stomping on the ground like an angry baboon) No, Fat Tina, I don't think you should be on top of the pyramid.
Fatina: (squints her eyes while looking at the Snotty Cheerleader Captain. The Snotty Cheerleader Captain explodes and blood and innards coat the whole cheerleading squad) Don't F with the Fat Tina!!!
Cheerleading Cohort: So, Fat Tina was a witch. Hmmm. Makes sense.

I'm sure that's about how it happened, because with a name like Fat Tina, you're either going to be picked on a ton or learn how to use witchery to defend yourself against people who make fun of your name.

Come to think of it, if I ever have a daughter, I'm going to name her Fatina. And if I have a son, he's going to be Fathomas. And soon, the entire world will be under the spell of the Fat Nelsons. (Brent starts emitting an evil sounding laugh)