The Meal Deal with Bill McNeal

So, you need to peep this. I just came back from the A.Z. and it was splendid, thanks for asking. But that's really not the point of the story. I mean, yeah, it was 75 and sunny everyday, but that's neither here nor there. I'm just saying, it was the most perfect weather ever. There I said it. Happy now? Jerks.

But anyway, while we were down there, my younger brother challenged me to an eating contest. HE CHALLENGED ME TO AN EATING CONTEST!! You gotta be kidding me. This, to the man who can Hambone an entire buffett (plate of meat, plate of meat, 3 desserts, 3 desserts) in 15 minutes. And he thought he was going to beat me?

But, of course I was up to the challenge. Hell, I'm like the Badlands Booker of my family and there was no way I was going to let that crank try to snag all my hard won glory. So it was on. That's right, he danced at me, so I danced back.

We went to a lovely little place called the Horny Toad, which is right down the street from the Satisfied Frog. It's a family style place, where the ribs and chicken flow like Jesus Juice at the Neverland ranch.

When the food came out, I was off. I felt like Raffy Palmeiro must have...except I wasn't all hopped up on Tejada's B-12. No, I'm an all natural eater and I don't condone those who use steroids or have surgery to add an extra stomach. No sir.

But, the gist of the story is, I was eating like a man possessed. I kept one eye on the ribs, one eye on the chicken and one eye on my brother. In the end, it wasn't much of a contest, as those who have seen me eat can attest to. My plate was full of 22 clean ribs and three chicken legs. In comparison, my brother had 14 ribs and 2 chicken legs.

So, the moral of the story is...don't mess with me on a day I'm eating a lot because I will own you and demoralize you in front of all your friends and loved ones. And no ones wants that. So...best recognize.