Friday, June 04, 2010

Rue McClanahan

So, I got some condolence e-mails about Rue McLanahan...asking how sad I was. Here's my response:

She didn't have the grandmotherly wisdom of Estelle Getty or the in-your-face attitude of Bea Arthur. She was just the hussy that was on the show for eye candy. The 4th best Golden Girl...but still, a sad moment. Betty White is the last girl left standing...

Thursday, June 03, 2010

3 Things - Hybrid Car Parking

1. Sorry there wheelchair, better make some changes to your conversion van. Now roll on over to the regular people parking.

2. Just what we need...another reason to hate hyrid owners.

3. What are the odds of someone parking there and not getting keyed? 5?

Monday, May 24, 2010

3 Things - Flyer in my door

1. Sorry you missed me? Man...that makes one of us.

2. Honestly, if I had been home, you would have missed me anyway. I would have definitely not moved from the couch.

3. I'm not sure just having a wife named Linda qualifies you to run for office, but I guess it worked for Kennedy, so what do I know?

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

3 Things - Conan

1. Interesting. Half of Conan's height is in his head.
2. I feel like he's coming right at me.
3. Gizmo sure hasn't aged well...

Monday, May 03, 2010

New thing...

Well, as I'm sure you've all realized, I took a two week break from the blog because, as you've also realized, nothing happens in my life to write about. I figure no one wants to know about my trip to Cub and how I couldn't get the bottle of V8 Fusion to scan on the self-scanner so I had to ask for help. Well...I guess you got to hear about it anyway. Joy!

So, anyhoo, I've decided to take my blog in a bit of a new direction. Whenever I find interesting pictures, I'm going to post them and make 3 sarcastic comments about them. I'm going to call it 3 things. I can't say how long it will last or how interesting it will be, but it should be more interesting than my decision on what kind of bread to get from Target (I chose wheat).

Friday, April 16, 2010

What the heck?

- Seriously...who thought of this?
- Why does he have a house for a head?
- Was that all he could afford?
- Is this Ashton Kutcher's new thing instead of trucker hats?
- Does he not realize you live in a house?
- How does he park his car in a hat?
- Was this a surgery that went horribly, horribly wrong?
- Is this a new Phantom of the Opera?
- Why isn't that lady surprised he has a house for a head? Is she mental? She's grinning like a moron.
- Does that thing come with central air?
- How does he put his shirt on? Does he start from the feet and work his way up? Or does he only wear very deep v necks or zip up sweaters?
- Doesn't it suck when your face gets mold?
- Do you think those two are married? Do you think their kids faces will be normal but will have garage doors for mouths?
- I bet this guy is a hit at parties.
- Home is where his face was.
- I wonder how they furnished his head?
- Do you think his daughter had a doll house and he was thought it was a real house and tried to climb inside and got stuck? And then he was too embarrassed to admit that, so he pretended that he wanted a house for a head?
- I bet he loves playing Hungry, Hungry Hippos.
- How often do you think he has to shave?
- How long does the siding on that thing last?
- He's lucky it's just a starter home, otherwise he'd have to walk through doors sideways.
- I notice there's no attached garage. Where do you think the garage is? I bet he Richard Gere'd it.
- During the winter, he's full of hot air. Assuming he has heating in that thing.
- Looking closer I'm pretty sure they're married. And that's pretty racy in my book. A black chick married to a guy with a blue house for a head? Back in my day, that stuff wouldn't fly!
- I wonder what his arrest report would look like:
Officer: "Well, what did the guy look like?"
Victim: "Hmmm...let's see. He was about 5'10". Somewhere around 180 pounds. He didn't have eyes because he had a freaking house for a head!"
Officer: "What, what, what?"
- I wonder what happens if his face burns down?
- I really hope he never blows his top.
- Does his brain reside on the first or second story?
- What would it take to put me in that house, today?

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I didn't know what to do...

I was driving home yesterday and saw some chick TOTALLY picking her nose while she was driving. I yelled "Gross!" and pointed at her but I don't think that was enough. Obviously, I wanted to ram her car and point, but that would have been reckless. However, I feel that my yelling and pointing was an underwhelming response to the situation. I feel there has to be something else I could have done...

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


I look like I want to race. On my way home last night, I was sitting at a red light, next to another car. When the light turned green, the car shot out in front of me, like we were racing in Better Off Dead.

Nice work there Dale Earnhardt...

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Guess she's mad...

We have a little sculpture that says "I Love Cats" that was a gift. We have it sitting on a table in our entryway. Well, yesterday, one of our cats knocked it off the table and broke it. I'm guessing she's mad that she's a cat and is thinking of getting a dolphinoplasty...

Monday, April 12, 2010

I need to plan more...

Yet again, I ended up making 3 trips to Target yesterday. There might be something to this whole creating a list thing....