Thursday, April 30, 2009

Is it really a choice?

Hmmm...which would I want?

It's almost as tough a choice as their other raffle:

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Take THAT Marty Crawford!

So, when my dad was growing up, there was a neighbor down the street (Marty Crawford) who got a new color TV. Now, this was the new thing back then, so they wanted to show off their astounding good fortune, so they left the empty box in the front yard to let everyone know they had a color TV.

Fast-forward to present day Maple Grove. I have a neighbor down the street (I don't know their name because I'm anti-social and do not converse with my neighbors) who just got a new grill. So, apparently, this might be Marty Crawford's family since they've decided to leave the empty grill box in front of their house for the past week.

I know what you're thinking, it's good to show off a nice grill. I know know that. However, I wouldn't consider this a nice grill. It doesn't even have fins for wind resistance or a racing stripe to make it look sharp!

Throw your trash away Marty!!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

America's Best Value Inn - Galesburg, IL

So, we're heading down to Galesburg this next weekend (congrats to Ja and Andy on the impending birth) and I had to check out some hotels.

So, of course, I start looking for the cheapest I can find and then look at the reviews. This place was $40/night. you think the 4th review is the owner or what?

Monday, April 27, 2009

RIP Bea Arthur

As you may or may not know, Bea Arthur passed away on Saturday at the age of 86. My thoughts are with her family.

Also, as you may or may not know, I have kind of an obsession with Bea Arthur. My goal was to name our dog (when we get one) Bea Arthur so, when he (yes...he) pees in the house, I can yell, "Bea Arthur, stop peeing on the floor!!!" I've also mentioned her in no less than 5 blog posts throughout the years, including talking about naked pictures of Bea Arthur (thank you Airheads) and mentioning how hot Bea Arthur used to be when she was younger when I was in Duluth (enough said).

But, apparently, I didn't understand how many people cared about my obsession. Here's how my Saturday went:

3:30 pm: My mom called to inform me of the news of Bea Arthur passing. I hadn't heard anything, so I whipped over to to read about it. Nothing had been posted yet. My mom beat to me with the news. Wow.

3:42 pm: posts their story.

8:01 pm: Devo sends me an e-mail to see if I was doing okay after hearing the news of Bea Arthur.

10:52 pm: Vance sends me an e-mail, informing me that we have lost yet another Golden Girl.

11:31 pm: Kevin posts on my Facebook wall, in a wailing tone, "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" I can tell he's as distraught as I am.

So, there we have it...4 independent people came to me and told me Bea Arthur died. That's strange. I can only imagine what's going to happen if something were to happen to Emilio Estevez or Keanu Reeves!

Friday, April 24, 2009

I can't read...or are I?

So, I'm playing PathWords (PathWords is the new WordTwist...check it out) and I see one of the famous Facebook ads on the side and I think it's about Pirates so, I look at it closer:

Nope, turns out it's not about Pirates at all...turns out it's about another ad that a company is paying for where they have a misspelled word in the ad. Come on...PIALTES? Really?

Regardless, I'm thinking of going there...

Man 1: So where can we shoot this picture?
Assistant: [holding a map of the US] We need a city that has a nuclear reactor, and a gorge, and can guarantee us the full cooperation of city officials.
Woman: I'll check "Variety". [flips past "Film New York", "Film Texas", and "Film Utah" ads]
Assistant: Wow! Look at that ad! [a small box with "Flim Springfield" in it] All right, this place must be hot. They don't need a big ad, or even correct spelling.
Man 1: I agree with that logic.
Assistant: [into intercom] Get me two plane tickets to the state that Springfield is in.

Thursday, April 23, 2009


Alison got the following ad in her e-mail. I mean...come on man...speelcheck...

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Usual...

So, last week, I got my usual summer dooskie (that's right Kell...Brent steals sayings...), which is a buzz cut, because everyone knows I'm too cheap to go see Steph more than once a year, and I can do this myself. It is what it is.

Well, yesterday, I was in Alison's classroom and one of her students came up to me and imparted this wisdom on me:

"Brent, your haircut looks bad."

Thanks dude. Thanks. Don't get into an insult battle unless you're ready to cry. Next time...I'm bringing fire!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


I'm reading On Wings of Eagles by Ken Follett (I know...I thing you know, I'll be watching Mr. Belvedere and listening to Wham!) and I'd never heard anything about it, but it's an autobiographical account of some guys arrested in Iran.

Anyway...not the point. The point is that the main "character" is ROSS PEROT!! Yes...THAT Ross Perot! Mister CanIFinish!

Now, obviously, I don't have a clue. When Perot ran for office, I thought he was just some crazy Texan with oil money. Turns out he was a FAMOUS crazy Texan with computer money.

I can barely even read the book once I saw he was in it. All I can think of is stuff like this every time I hear his name:

Thanks Dana Carvey

Monday, April 20, 2009

Note to self...

when a food's smell is described as "dicey", it's best not to plunge forward and eat it.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Well, guess we found out who's gross...

Someone was outraged over my post from yesterday. This person, who I will call Justin P (no wait, that's too easy to figure out, I will call him J Petredis) had an issue with this, since he loves to sit on his back patio and clip his toe nails and watch them suckas you can tell from this IM conversation:

You disgust me...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Poor use of a deck...

Maybe I spoke too soon about my hillbilly neighbors all needing a deck.

I was walking out to our security mailboxes to get the mail yesterday when I saw one of my neighbors out on his deck. What was he doing? Clipping his toenails over the edge of the deck! Gross!

Well, I suppose it could have been worse. He could have been sitting on his deck...clipping his toenails...naked...using his teeth.

Yeah, that might have been worse. Might.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Alison and I went to the movies on Sunday and saw Adventureland (I give it a "fleh" on a scale of "pleh" to "awesome"), which, apparently, is nearing it's run.

We were the only two in the theatre, which has only happened to me once before (when my mom and I went and saw Deuces Wild...what? You mean you've never heard of it? That's okay...neither had the ticket taker at the movie theatre...needless to say, that one got a "pleh").

But now, they have the ticket taker (aka 14 year old...or Benjamin Salisbury) come in and welcome you to the theatre and let you know to tell them if you have any questions or concerns.

And it was strange, because he was just talking to us. Normally, you can look around and not pay attention (you you do on an airplane to a flight attendant) but here, there was no one else he was talking to.

And what do you do when he's done? Clap? Wave? Say thanks? Stare some more? It's a really weird experience and we chose to say thanks.

Which I'm sure made his day.

However, I wondered what they do if no one is in the theatre. Do they still do their little Lobster Talk? It's like the whole tree falling in the woods thing. I assume they still do it or get the wrath of the manager...but what do I know?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

This Google guy...

knows what I'm talking about.

Now, if he could only get my neighbors to read my blog...or get a clue.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Hamburger Hill?

Apparently, PETA has asked the Pet Shop Boys to change their name to the Rescue Shelter Boys. The request, which would raise awareness at every tour stop of the "cramped, filthy conditions" that breeders keep animals in before selling them to pet stores, came 20 years after the band started recording under that name.

In an unrelated request, PETA has asked Director John Irvin to change the name of the movie Hamburger Hill to Boca Burger Hill for the 25th Anniversary re-release of the film. They're anxiously awaiting a response!

Friday, April 10, 2009


in our development, all the houses have decks (except for those chachbags in end units who were too cheap to pay the money to get them put on when their house was made and they make the neighborhood look cheap), yet some people insist on not leaving their grill on their deck.

They prefer to keep it in their garage and then open the garage and move the grill onto the driveway when they want to grill.

Listen up hillbillies...we're not living in Kentucky here. We're living in a society. A society where you don't have to keep your grill in the garage. You can keep it on your empty deck. Seriously. Seriously. Please.

You suck.

Thursday, April 09, 2009


I see Kal Penn is going to work for the Obama administration. Hmmm...I wonder if he'll be pushing to legalize something?

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Have you ever...

smelled someone who had such bad BO that you had to call someone, just to tell them about it (like the time I saw Dick Enrico driving on 494 and I had to call Devo)?

Well, this happened to me just the other day. I walked up to the counter at the post office to mail some CD's (just 198 left...there's still time to buy!) and the stink rays started hitting me as I approached the counter. It smelled like cat pee, left in the sun, next to Jeff Vanzile. So, you know.

I had to stand by the counter the whole time he was getting the postage and I felt like I was going to hork the whole time I was there. I felt like MacGyver on a mission to not breathe, if that ever happened, which I assume it did not.

So, once I cleared the stink zone, I had to call someone and tell them how bad Bruce (yes, his name was Bruce) stank. So, I called my mom, because I knew she would appreciate this. I think I might have been wrong about that.

However, the point still remains, that man was the stinkiest person I've ever been around and I am avoiding that place if he's working there anymore...

Tuesday, April 07, 2009


OK, so I'm watching TV (I know...weird) when I see this ad:

As you can read in there, you get the discounted donut when you buy a "medium or larger" coffee.

And, here's what I thought...I thought Dunkin' Donuts was coming up with a new sizing strategy, kind of like Starbucks does. You could order a medium coffee or a larger coffee and that's it. Didn't even think that maybe they meant any size larger than a medium...just that they'd turned "Larger" into a size.

Sometimes, I don't know about me...

Monday, April 06, 2009

Mildly Entertaining...

If you're bored and have some time, this is mildly entertaining...emphasis on mildly...

You friggin' pass them!

Pop quiz, hotshot. There's a car in front of you going 35 miles per hour. The speed limit on the road is 50 miles per hour. You are only going 1/3 of a mile further and the light might be red when you get there. What do you do? What do you do?