Friday, April 13, 2007

Photo finish??

So, I click on this link on, where this guy is racing a cheetah. I thought it might be interesting. I mean, cheetahs are fast. Men (some) are fast. So, if this is a girl cheetah, it will be a good race. I kid, I kid. Seriously though...

They set up this whole race thing and explain how they are planning on getting the cheetah to run. Then, they casually mention that the guy has a 35 yard headstart! Then, they race.

And the stupid anchor announcing this thing mentions it's much closer than anyone expected and it was a photo finish. Are you serious? I mean, the guy had a 35 yard headstart!

This would be like me, going out to left field at the Metrodome and hitting the ball into the upper deck, 520 feet from homeplate. Then,the announcer says that I hit the second longest homerun in Metrodome history, all the while, forgetting that I was standing in left field. I really don't understand morons like this guy...

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Stupid creating a scene...

So, I'm at Lifetime (Fitness, not the TV network...stupid Petredis) today and I was doing 40 inch box jumps. Good times.

I had to go grab the 36 inch box, which I had to wrangle away from one of their "trainers". As I grab it, she says "Are you going to jump up on that?" with a look in her eye like she'd just seen her first set of boobs (I don't know if she was a lesbian or not, but I assume everyone has the same reaction the first time they see boobs, men and women alike). I said I was and she said, "Sweet. She's really excited." and pointed at her client. Great. So, I'll have an audience. Which doesn't not kind of suck.

Then, I had to grab some of the platforms to transform the 36-inch box into a 40-inch box. Which is just as unsafe as it sounds (essentially, setting the big box on two platforms, which means the box and/or the platforms can move at any moment...more on that later).

Now, as I got ready to do my first set of 15 jumps, I could feel many sets of eyes on me, since no one really works out there, as the trainers only seem to teach people how to do lunges and curls at the same time (most bang for your buck!!). So, all I want to do is not biff it. So I start, and get going and everything went fine. First set of 15 was successful.

Alas, I was doing two sets of 15. And therein lies the rub.

I got ready to do the second set, and I felt the same group of eyes, if not more, on me again. Which is fine. I don't care. Much. Or are I?

So, I started doing the jumps. When I got to 14, I took an extra second to gather myself for the last jump, since my legs were cashed. Apparently, I didn't gather enough time. Because I made it to the top of the box, but not enough in the middle. A bit too much on the side. So, the box and/or the platform moved and I found meself (went Scottish on you there) horizontal to the ground, which is not where you want to be. (at least not in this case...wink wink, nudge nudge, creepy double thumbs up) And I stuck out my arm to break my fall, but that didn't help much, except it helped me to hurt my bad wrist. And I still landed completely on my back and butt.

So, the things that I think sucked about this are:

A) I didn't finish my second set of 15 successfully.
B) I landed on my bad wrist.
C) There were tons of eyes on me.
C corallary) None of those eyes knew it was my last jump, so they thought I quit after I biffed the jump, which I wouldn't have done.
D) Now all the lunge curlers think I suck, when, in actuality, I only moderately suck and they can't know that just from my appearance and lack of coordination.

Super long story short, I don't think I'll be moving above the 40 inch box the next time my workout calls for high box jumps. Hopefully I don't fall again next time and relegate myself to Ardolf status...

Sunday, April 01, 2007

My Pop Grades...

Now, since I've been questioned extensively as an expert on drinking pop (lest we forget the famous day when I consumed 35 cans) I thought I would give you all some advice on what kinds of pops I enjoy. Enjoy!

  1. Diet Pepsi - Better than Diet Coke. I can't say why, it just is. There...I said it (Don't you dare sue me Spade! I served you a hamburger damn it!).
  2. Diet Coke - A very good choice, when Diet Pepsi is unavailable, which is in most restaraunts.
  3. Coke Zero - Uses the original recipe for Coca-cola. Woooooo...I'm getting shivers! Or not. It's okay, but drink more than 3 in a row and your mouth tastes like Ellen DeGeneres looks.
  4. Diet Super Chill - Ahhh...the Cub brand cola. Excellent. Or not terrible. At least it's not Tab.
  5. Tab - Speaking of...


  1. Diet Mountain Dew - Delicious. Delicious. Delicious. Also, the best pop for chugging, you know...if you get into a pop chugging contest (I'm looking at you on this one Dvorak!)
  2. Diet Mountain Mist - Yep...this is the Cub brand. It's surprisingly good. And at lest it's not as gross as Vault Zero.
  3. Vault Zero - Speaking of...
  4. Sierra Mist Free/Sprite Zero - Both of these suck. Seriously. The only redeeming quality is they don't have caffeine. Bleh! Which is why they're last.
  5. (Fresca is not on the list, as I don't believe in it. It's like Unicorns or chiropractors. It doesn't exist.)

*sidenote* I have neglected to include Mello-Yello and Surge, since they are not made anymore. But Surge was delicious and I drank two cans before every baseball game my senior year of high school. Which, I'm assuming is why I led the league in homers. That, and our fence was shorter than the fence at Williamsport. It's also the reason I got fat. That...and because I could eat 18 pieces of Godfather's pizza at the buffet. But I'm getting off track here. My point, I think, is that I hate the TV show "The Wedding Bells." It sucks horrible. *end sidenote*


  1. Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi - Fantastic. Bold tase. Gives you wings. Or something more clever than that. No matter what anyone tells you it does not make you hallucinate.
  2. Cherry Coke Zero - It's good. Just not great. But better than any of the colas, and all the Non-Colas besides Mountain Dew.
  3. Diet Cherry Coke - It leaves a weird taste. Not bad. Just weird. Like Buddy Lembeck (come on Charles in Charge fans...get the joke!!)


  1. Pibb Free - Score one for the Coke company! This is a delicious, refreshing beverage. Though I hate the name change (like how the Mars company got rid of Mars bars and replaced it with Snickers Almond.). What kind of game are they trying to pull here?
  2. Diet Dr. Pepper - It's good, until you try Pibb Free. But at least it's not Diet Dr. Thunder.
  3. Diet Dr. Thunder - Speaking of...