Friday, October 31, 2008

Voodoo curse...

So, I'm doing terrible at fantasy football this season. Awful. Now, stupid LJ has gotten himself benched and Jonathan Stewart is on a bye. So, I'm going to have to start Antonio Pittman (back-up to Steven Jackson) and Derrick Ward (back-up to Brandon Jacobs) at RB.

But both of them have been a little banged up and it looks like Jackson might miss some time. So, I wanted to help them out.

I googled "voodoo curse chant" to see if I could easily come up with a voodoo curse to put on Steven Jackson and Brandon Jacobs that is not time consuming, using a minimum of cauldrons and, most importantly, is effective.

So, it took me to Spells4Free to cast a spell on someone.

I got there and looked at the list of items needed to cast a spell on someone:

Incense sticks
Black candles
Black kohl
An object belonging to the person in question

Damn it! I just got rid of my Steven Jackson authentic jock strap and I'm plumb out of black kohl (I only have white kohl left...and that's not racist...that's a fact).

So, I looked around the site to try to find something easier and I came across an item where the guy will cast a spell free...just for me. Then, I read the fine print:

"I will cast a powerful spell for the situation you need help with. Free of charge. This is not a joke! I have digged deep into my books of shadows to cast free spells to help you with your situation! A powerful spell, that would cost from 100 US-Dollars, if purchased from any other spells caster. Use it and solve your problems within 5 weeks! Now I will give you this for free when you sign up for my newsletter!"
5 Weeks? Damn it! And I don't want to go to any other spells caster, because I don't have 100 US-Dollars (I believe in the peso).

Screw it. Maybe I can get this loser and his 2-liter of Diet Squirt to put a curse on Steven Jackson and Brandon Jacobs...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Terrible company name...

Hate to tell you "terrible idea for a company name" (aka Fingerbiinger) there is no way someone looks at your name and doesn't think it says "Fingerbanger".

I'm sorry to break it to you.

The good news is, you might be able to get these guys to promote your company...

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I know you've been waiting!

Guess what got released yesterday? That's right...the first season of Sister, Sister!!

I know Sikes stood in line to get his copy, but I'm waiting for them to come out with the six season box set before I spend my money on it...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

So, I'm reading...

this story on, called Biggest danger for hunters? Heart attack, not stray bullet. Yeah. So, anyway, I get into the article a bit and out comes this quote...

The biggest danger that some hunters face isn't getting hit by a stray bullet or falling out of a tree stand, Good said. It's heart disease.

I bolded that part, because isn't that a little vague? I mean, the whole point of the article is that hunters are in danger of heart attacks. At least you'd think so. Apparently, just some. Couldn't the same thing be said about getting hit by cars? Or abducted from a mall? This is ridiculous.

Tomorrow...on biggest danger for some hunters? HOT AIR BALLONS!!

*NOTE: Yes, I had to photoshop that hot air balloon in. Yes, it took me way too long. Yes, you should judge me.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Friday, October 24, 2008

Pick the name!!

OK, in my SIM football league, I'm just finishing up on recruiting. This season, I recruited a RB that has the same name of a RB already on my team. Therefore, What If Sports let's me switch the name of the newer guy to avoid confusion.

This is a big, big task. And I'm looking for help. So, let me know if you can think of a cool name I can use.

Here are some ideas that have been floated out:

Jeff Ketcham
Mister Doctorcoolbot
Milli Vanilli
Vanilla Ice
KiJana Carter
Lawrence Phillips
Maurice Clarett
I.M. Hipp

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Lowe's self-checkout

So, I'm at Lowe's (I know...I know...but I seriously was. You can ask AMEX), buying some manly things (like flat-top stove cleaner) and I went through the self-checkout.

Well, I'd swiped my card and then the machine says, "Please verify last 4 digits of your credit card."

I'd already put my card away. What is the point of this? To prove you can read? Is this some sort of theft deterrent?

I mean, is someone with a stolen credit card going to see that question and start looking around, all paranoid? They'll start sweating and then have a breakdown right there in the store? Then admit to numerous petty thefts, including stealing trail mix at Cub?

If you've got a stolen credit card and you freak out at this question, you might want to look into a new line of work. Thievery is not going to suit you...

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Tired of crappy advertising?

Isn't this just like putting identical billboards right on top of eachother?

Hmmmm....I wasn't interested at first, but I LOVE repetition...

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Good news old people!

Apparently, there's a new hat out there that warns people that you require a senior discount (whether they're offered or not):

And if THAT doesn't make them smile, you can always pair it with the new t-shirt I've decided to market in conjunction with this hat:

You'll be the belle of the ball!!

Monday, October 20, 2008

13k a month!!

So, we're sitting at the corner of 494 and Bass Lake Rd. and see the following sign:

Sirs, your old, broken wire hanger and non-corrugated cardboard sign does not inspire confidence in this endeavor...

Friday, October 17, 2008

ESPN can't add...

So, I'm checking my fantasy football team for the week, and seeing who my "competition" is (if you can even call the Vance's team competition).

Here's the projected scores:

As you probably can't see (though it should enlarge if you click on it) my team is on the right and Vance's team is on the left. You can see the little checkmarks, showing who is going to win each match-up and a checkmark on the bottom, showing which team is going to win. They have Vance's team checked as the winner.

As you can also see, I added up the projected points and those have me winning 122-105. So which is it ESPN? Don't hide from me. I'm onto your little game.

*sidenote* I think my team will lose. I'm terrible.

*EDIT* And now Fake LJ has gotten himself suspended. What a d-bag.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Phone call...

So, I'm sitting at my computer yesterday morning, trying to figure out a way to salvage my fantasy football team, when the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and didn't recognize the number. Typically, I screen those calls, since I don't normally talk to people, but I thought, "just go for it Brent...confront your fear!" and I picked up the phone.

Brent: Hello.
Caller: Good morning Deb.
Brent: I think you have the wrong number...Susan.
Caller: Huh? What? Oh, wrong number. Sorry.

He thought I sounded like a Deb? DEB! He got me confused with someone who I can only assume is his daughter from his second marriage (I have an active imagination).

But I showed him. Bet he's writing a similar blog now about how he called a wrong number and the guy he talked to thought his name was Susan.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Thank you James Lee...

A few months ago, I had an awesome idea for a t-shirt and I begged James to work on it for me.

Then today, I received the finished product as a birthday present. I must admit, I could not be happier...

And here it is, actually on a t-shirt...

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

More CD sales...

I know this is boring to everyone, but the story must be told.

I got home from lunch yesterday and had an e-mail from Amazon, telling me I'd made a sale. Then it said 20 items. guy bought 20 of my CD's...for the following values:

Esham- Boomin' Words from Hell - $ 14.98
Kingpin Skinny Pimp - New Beginning - $ 99.98
RBL Posse's Hitman - Solo Creep - $ 89.98
11/5 - A-1 Yola - $ 39.98
Triple Beam - 28g Without the Bag - $ 7.98
San Quinn - Live 'N Direct - $ 99.98
Darkroom Familia - Veteranos - $ 8.98
Herm - Still Trying to Survive in the Ghetto - $ 7.98
Esham - Judgement Day, Vol. 2 - $ 17.98
Dre Dog - I Hate You With a Passion - $ 39.98
B.O.N.E Enterprise - Faces of Death - $ 39.98
11/5 - Fiendin 4 tha Funk - $ 99.98
San Quinn - The Hustle Continues - $ 39.98
Ill Mannered Playas - Back in the Days - $ 17.98
415 - Nu Niggaz on the Blokkk - $ 14.98
Skanless - Book of Skanless - $ 18.98
Celly Cel - Heat 4 Yo Azz - $ 49.98
Messy Marv - Messy Situationz - $ 24.98
Big Ocean Mobb 415 - Wrangler Tuff - $ 9.98
Tung Twista - Runnin' Off at Da Mouth - $ 19.98

Yep, that's take home total on this order, after amazon commissions, is $673.65.

Go Bay Area rap!!

Monday, October 13, 2008

This is gross...

So, I'm scouring craigslist, looking for a mini fridge, when I come across this one:

"Well, it came that time to start clearing out the bar area of our basement...again. Due to an increasing collection of guitar amps and exercise equipment, i found there was no room for our mini fridge. Offhand, I don't know what brand it is. Has a fake wood finish, and though i imagine it was white inside, it's yellow now. There are a few cracks in some of the trays, but it doesn't smell horrible and it does a great job of cooling things. What more do ya want for $20? Price is final, cash only, and you need to pick it up yourself."

What more do I want? Oh, I don't know...maybe something that won't give me scabbies?

Used to be white, but now is yellow? Has it been smoking? Are you serious? Doesn't smell horrible? So, it smells like what? Hurl?

I'm pretty sure this baby has already been snapped up...

Friday, October 10, 2008

Are Zubaz back?

Hmmm...I don't know, how about we ask this fella?

Guess so! And now, with 28% MORE homosexual! (not that there's anything wrong with that...though there is something wrong with being a tool, like this guy...)

For more outstanding losers, go here:

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Which "bag" would you choose...

The following was found on the side of a box of trash bags at Om's lake house...

It seems to me that Member's Mark makes a superior "unit" that will not "malfunction" when you "need it most".


Wednesday, October 08, 2008

I'm a sleuth...

OK, now this is going to be difficult, since no one watches either of these shows, but this is pretty amazing.

Last season, the show Back to You was getting terrible ratings. So, 5 episodes in, they recast the part of Gracie Carr to try to save the show. However, that didn't work and it was cancelled.

This season, Gary Unmarried has started off to lukewarm reviews. After the pilot, Gary's daughter, Louise Brooks, was replaced by another actress for the rest of the episodes coming out this season.

What do these have in common? Take a look to the right.

Both Gracie Carr and Louise Brooks were initially played by Laura Marano. And both of the characters were axed early on in the shows.

What has this kid done to deserve this? Was she the reason no one watches these shows? Has she been channeling her inner-Lohan on the set and they couldn't wait to get rid of her?

There has to be some explanation here. The viewing public (of which I'm probably the only one who watched/watches both these shows) have a right to know!!

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Very friendly...

So, I'm at the gas station, filling up my ride when I notice the following "help wanted" sign:

If you're the part time cashier at the gas station, what are the odds that you are "very friendly"? A million to one? I think they'd get more applicants if they had something like this:

Monday, October 06, 2008

Amish mismanagement?

So, Petredis and I were driving to the airport from Om's Amish house early on Sunday morning. Very early. 5 am early.

So, we stopped at a gas station at about 5:30. In the middle of nowhere.

And I go in there and they had TWO people working the registers. At 5:30. On a Sunday morning. In Amish country.

Just because you're not allowed to use electricity, you'd think you'd be able to figure out that the optimal amount of employees needed at that time was maybe one.

An "honesty box" to drop the payments might have sufficed...