Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Do they bring the food to you?

So, my dad and I went to the Nebraska game this past weekend. And we were dropping the car off at the airport when I had this exchange with the Hertz guy...

Hertz Guy: So, you guys in town for the game?
Brent: Yeah, we were at the game.
Hertz Guy: How was it?
Brent: Awesome. Ton of fun.
Hertz Guy: OK, I've never been to a game there, so do you mind if I ask you a question?
Brent: Sure, go ahead.
Hertz Guy: they bring the food to you or do you have to go get it yourself?
Brent: can do either, but if you don't want to move, they do bring it to you.
Hertz Guy: Sweet...

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Cancer Beets?

So, I was at the airport yesterday, going through security, and the woman in front of me was trying to carry-on jars of pickled beets to bring to a friend. The TSA agent wouldn't let her through with them because there was too much liquid (gross). Their conversation went like this:

TSA Agent: What's in those jars?
Lady: Pickled beets.
TSA Agent: I'm sorry ma'am, you can't carry those on. You can check them if you'd like.
Lady: What? I can't do that!
TSA Agent: OK, I'll have to take them then.
Lady: Are you serious? Great. Just great. Now my friend who has cancer won't get any pickled beets.
Brent (under his breath): Well, I guess you should get that guys name so she can send him a thank you card...

Monday, September 28, 2009

Modern Family...

Surprisingly, Modern Family was really good in the pilot, so I suggest you give it a chance. Alison thought it was okay, but then again, she married me, so can we really trust her opinion?

Friday, September 25, 2009

PetsMart conversation...

Interesting day at PetsMart yesterday. First, walking in, some psycho lady in a car was hounding some lady trying to walk her dog away from the store with tons of questions about the dog (what's his name? what kind is it? what kind of food does he like? I like that kind too.) which made everyone in the area (me) uncomfortable.

So, I went inside and went to the cat food section to get food (again) to feed our enormous (and other, regular sized) cat.

I brought it up to the register and some lispy chick is working the register. Our "awkward checkout conversation" went like this:

PetsMart Lady:, who are you shopping for today?
Brent: stares in silence, not knowing what that question meant
PetsMart Lady: I meant how many cats do you have.
Brent: How in the world would I get "how many cats do I have" from "who are you shopping for today"? It would be like me asking you if you like apples and then expecting you to give me fifteen dollars. Why didn't you just ask how many cats I had if you were interested? Or, if you were trying to make small-talk, why didn't you just stare at the register instead, like I was doing? Why don't you make sense? This is whack! Whackness!
PetsMart Lady: I have three cats.
Brent: Seems right...

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

So, I've been trying to find the DVD's for this show for years. Years. And now, the China bootleg companies have finally got it to a reasonable price for the whole series ($39.99) but they want $25 shipping. And I can't use paypal, so this fly-by-night company will have my credit card info and, I'm sure, steal my identity.

So, I decided to look on eBay and see if they had them, so I could use paypal. They didn't, but they did have this shirt from the show..It seems to me that this would probably be taken the wrong way, as most haven't heard of the show, or it at least wouldn't be the first thing they think about...

As Petredis would say, "You are either a fan of a great comedy, or finger cuffs."

I don't know what that means, but I assume, ewwwwwww...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I could probably watch this 100 times...

I can't imagine that run towards the hole after he made it...

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

George Wendt!

So, last Friday, George Wendt was doing a live chat on and Sikes and I tried to get our questions answered. of us did, as you can see in the picture:

I thought my question was pretty good, but apparently the moderator didn't:

When you were on Cheers, did you think they should have thought about changing the setting? What about a rec room? Or a community center? Because people do meet in places besides a bar...

I's true. Quit ducking the facts Wendt!

Monday, September 21, 2009


Since when are convicted murderers taken on field trips to county fairs? I guess they couldn't take him to the waterpark because he'd forgotten his swimtrunks?

Friday, September 18, 2009

Aw man...

I was watching TV yesterday when a commercial came on for that douche Michael Moore's new movie and I found out it's coming out on October birthday. Man...that's the third time that loser will have ruined my birthday...

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place?

So, from my post yesterday, I decided to contact WETV and see if perhaps they are planning on bringing back Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place and perhaps, you know, get some viewers for their fly-by-night TV station.

So, I nicely sent them this e-mail:

Hi -

A couple years ago, WE played 2 Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place. Then, all of the sudden, it was gone. I keep checking back on a monthly basis, hoping it's brought back in syndication because I love that show and WE was the only place I could get it. Are there any plans to bring the re-runs of it back? If there were, I'm sure the rating period between 2-3 pm (or the TV wasteland as I like to call it) would increase threefold!

Thank you for your time.

Brent Nelson

I figured there was no harm in asking if they were going to bring back one of the top five TV shows of all time. I mean, I'm just trying to help them out by helping me out.

This was the very terse response they gave me:

This show is not returning to WE tv.

Wow...I mean:

No explanation at all?
No thanks for the suggestion but we will not be doing that at this time?
No correctly identifying your evanescent station correctly?

I guess besides terrible programming, they've taught their customer service people how to respond in the most pithy manner possible. Maybe they get charged by the word on their e-mail?

Doesn't's not like anyone watches that channel anyway...

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

TV, why have you foresaken me???

What is the deal? Seriously...WHERE ARE THE NEW SHOWS??

I remember when September meant sweeps month and you knew that every night, you'd be sitting down to some good NEW mind-numbing goodness. Now?


I'm sitting there watching re-runs of How I Met Your Mother and rocking back and forth like Amy Winehouse after being sober for three days.

I know a couple new episodes of some shows are coming up in the next week. Great...but it's friggin' mid-September! Get the net!

The least that could happen is WE bringing back re-runs of Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place...I think that would tide everyone over until the new episodes of shows start...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

More "stuffed" crust?

So, as people know, I love stuffed crust pizza. And now, Pizza Hut has come out with their new pan stuffed crust. Notice anything wrong with it?

That's can SEE the cheese that's "stuffed" in the "crust"! This is the definition of not stuffed crust. Isn't this just extra cheese? I think it's weird that they don't mention that the pizza in the picture also has:

pepperoni stuffed crust and
sauce stuffed crust

Since, apparently, anything they put on top of the pizza is now considered stuffed. Pizza are not fooling me. You regular stuffed crust is bleh and this...this is not even stuffed crust. I hate you Pizza Hut. You are the worst. You are worse than the Gosselin's. Terrible.

Come back Little Caesar's Stuffed Crust!!!

Monday, September 14, 2009


OK, so I love a deal, but you know how there are some things on sale that you just have to buy?

For's deodorant. I have no idea why. They had some marked down at the register at Rainbow yesterday and I ended up buying 4 of them, even though I just bought 4 a couple days before that on clearance at Target.

Pretty soon, our whole house is just going to be a huge deodorant stick...not that that's a bad thing...

Friday, September 11, 2009


I just sold a CD for $1.52 on Amazon, so I went to check what the other ones were going for. This is the top listing for the CD (Dr Dre - First Round Knockout)

Wow! I mean, seems a little spendy for a CD, but what do I know? I just spent $1,200 on a garden gnome...

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Dag nabit...

So, I was at the dentist yesterday and the dental assistant, in the span of five minutes, said,

"'s the greatest thing since sliced bread..." and
"...all that and a bag of chips..."

Really? Really? I had to check my watch to make sure time I hadn't gone back in time. Unfortunately the flux capacitor on my watch was broken, so I couldn't really tell what year it was.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Book It!

In honor of the first week of school, I thought I'd share a story from when I was little and participating in the Book It! program...

Every night before I went to bed, I would read for awhile to get credit for the Book It! program and earn my way towards delicious (ie gross) personal pan pizzas from Pizza Hut ( mom hated the Book It! program, because it forced her to go to Pizza Hut).

Since it went by the amount of time you read, I decided to start a stopwatch when I started reading and then stop it when I was done (you if it were a race...did I mention I was an awesome kid?).

So, I grabbed my book (I believe it was either Bunnicula or The Celery Stalks at Midnight), started the timer and went about reading the book.

I read, and read, and read, and read. And before I knew it...I had finished the book! So, I hit stop on the timer and ran downstairs to tell my dad how long I'd read so he could mark it on my sheet.

I handed him the stopwatch, beaming with pride, he looked at it, then looked at me questioningly and said, "Nine minutes?"

Nine minutes?! Nine?! I'd read the whole book in nine minutes?

"Are you sure?" I said. "It sure felt like more than an hour. I read the whole book!"

He turned around the stopwatch and showed it to me. Sure enough, it said nine minutes. How in the...what had happened? I went up to bed, very confused and a little sad that only nine minutes went towards my personal pan pizza.

*only later did I find out that the stopwatch rolls over after 99 minutes and I actually read 108 minutes...but I didn't figure that out until later*

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Went shooting...

Labor Day was spent out trap shooting. As those of you who know me could guess...I was not superior. However, I only screamed like a girl once. Kidding!

It was twice.

Monday, September 07, 2009

The Final Destination

Yesterday, Alison and I went and saw this (don't bother) and there was only 1 other couple in the theatre. The wife walked out with about 10 minutes left and came back in when the credits were rolling. Their conversation leaving was this:

Guy: You missed it! Everyone died in the end!
Woman: That was terrible!
Guy: That was awesome. But I guess you can pick the next movie.
Woman: Try the next five...

Friday, September 04, 2009

Come on spammers!

So, I get the following e-mail, trying to entice me to talk to this lonely woman:

Hmmm...not too many women named Joseph out there, but I bet the ones that are are pretty lonely...

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Kohl's lies...

So, I went to Kohl's yesterday to use my "Kohl's Cash" (pictured below) which I was told could be used just like cash. As you can see, it says "Use any way you choose, on anything in the store." Apparently by "anything in the store", they meant anything but the thing I wanted.

Alison and I saw some books when we were in there that she wanted for her classroom, so I went in to buy those.

When I brought them up to the register, the conversation went like this:

Cashier: You can't use your Kohl's Cash on those because they are a special purchase.
Brent: I'm confused. I was told I could use the Kohl's Cash like cash. So, you wouldn't accept cash for these?
Cashier: You can pay with cash, yes.
Brent: I've been told that Kohl's Cash is the same as cash, so I'll use the Kohl's Cash.
Cashier: That's not possible.
Brent: I will not be buying them then.

I felt like Homer at Itchy and Scratchy Land:

Homer: One adult and four children.
Woman: Would you like to buy some Itchy and Scratchy Money?
Homer: What's that?
Woman: Well it's money that's made just for the park. It works just like regular money, but it's, er..."fun".
Bart: Do it, Dad.
Homer: Well, OK, if it's fun...let's see, uh...I'll take $1100 worth.
[he walks in, sees all the signs: "No I&S Money", "We Don't Take Itchy and Scratchy Money", etc.]
Homer: Aw!

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Lucky me!

It's about freaking time. Though I've been touting the eye patch for years, I've never had a real reason to wear one. I mean, sure they're fashionable, but I am not, if you can't tell from my collection of holey-Lee shorts and Goodwill-brand t-shirts.

However, I just had my second Lasik this past weekend and what did they give me to wear when I'm sleeping??? That's right!

An eyepatch!

I was a little disappointed though. It's just a clear one that I tape on my face (with the stickiest 3m tape in the's fin to take GALLONS of Goo Gone to get this junk off my face) and the nurse there said I don't have to wear it all the time.

And she gave me a very strange look when I asked if I COULD wear it all the time. She said it's my life, so I took that to mean I had to wear it all the time.

I've been getting a lot of stares in the gym...and driving. Good times.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Hmmm...someone is copying...

So, I was reading Entertainment Weekly (take that Mary Hart!) when I stumbled across a "new" movie coming out with that Amazon Cameron Diaz in it called "The Box". So, I start to read the summary and here it is:

Norma and Arthur Lewis, a suburban couple with a young child, receive a simple wooden box as a gift, which bears fatal and irrevocable consequences. A mysterious stranger, delivers the message that the box promises to bestow upon its owner $1 million with the press of a button. But, pressing this button will simultaneously cause the death of another human being somewhere in the world; someone they don't know. With just 24 hours to have the box in their possession, Norma and Arthur find themselves in the cross-hairs of a startling moral dilemma and must face the true nature of their humanity.

And after reading that, I remembered that they did the exact same thing in a Twilight Zone (Alison was into the Twilight Zone for about 3 days) we watched:

Button, Button

And the episode wasn't even that good. And now they're making a movie out of it? And it appears they're even using the same box. Come on man, if you're going to make an old show into a movie, how about making the Saved by the Bell where Jessie gets hooked on caffeine pills???

I'm scared too Jessie. Very scared...that Hollywood is remaking old 1980's Twilight Zones and passing them off as new...