No pictures...

If you've come to my blog expecting a daily picture that I make fun of, well, today, you've come to the wrong place. I have no picture. Alas, I have no gripe either. Pretty much, I'm like the Bengals; I got nothin'.

So, in my quest to sell all my old CD's (which is going quite well), I had my first one returned the other day. Which isn't that strange; idiots can give wrong addresses, etc.

However, this one was stamped "Contraband". Which is strange, since it was just a CD. However, one of the options besides contraband was "paroled".

So...apparently...I was sending the CD to a prison and the CD is something that's not allowed (though I was unaware that they had a CD playing device there), possibly because I would have put a sharpened toothbrush or shiv into the package (I know...I know...why would I sharpen a toothbrush? That's what they have to resort to in prison. But I'm on the "outside" so I could have just sent a knife. But that's neither here nor there...that's not how my mind works).

So, now I have to figure out what to do with this "The Firm" (with Nas Escobar and Foxy Brown) CD since Prisoner 405538 can't accept it. Nice that he had a valid credit card to pay for it though.
Oh, I lied about the picture. I'm such a scamp!

Again...gross...

That, right there, is an insult to people who are hairy. The ad needs to read more like this...

Josh Childress has GROSS teeth!

Maybe you can use some of that $20,000,000 for some experimental gum-reducing surgery? Hmmm? Hmmm?

KMart layaway?

Man, I know where I'm shopping this holiday season!

Maybe UPS?

I'm a frakkin' VIP!!!

So, I go out to the newly installed security mailboxes (thank you, thank you) and I see the following envelope sitting on type (address blocked out to ease my fears of paparazzo related stalking):


Can you believe it? Macy's wants only ME (or any hobo who finds this envelope in the garbage) to come to their PRIVATE (i.e. open to anyone) SALE!!!

I am faaaaahhhh-loating!!!

So...this looks gross...

Apparently Chuck E. Cheese is trying to make itself a lunchtime destination (you know...corral the whole office up and get them to Chuck E. Cheese!), but then they go and show a sandwich that looks like this!

Everyone knows food looks better in ads than it does when you actually get it so can you imagine what that sandwich would look like? I mean, it looks like some "chicken" sticks (I know there's no such thing, but those look a breeding between "chicken" and carrot sticks), cheesish substance (which is probably delicious), a sourdough looking bun and leftover fixins from yesterdays salad bar. You mean it's only $5.99 for that crap? Where do I sign up?

I don't even think Randi would eat that!

I didn't know...

that a dog could look embarrassed. I guess I was wrong...

Man. That sucks.

Apparently...

I'm about the most uncreative person in the world.

Our neighbors did a pumpkin similar to this one:


And I thought it was original and something people hadn't done before. Then, I go looking on the internet and apparently millions of people have thought of that before. I'd bet that gag has been around longer than I have.

How have I never seen it before? Seriously! It's almost like I'm living under a log.

On an unrelated note, I hear Mickey Rourke has a new movie coming out. Can't wait to see that! He was so good in Diner...

So....

that f'in voodoo curse didn't work at all damn it. I hope Brazdolph had her way with that guy. I really do.

Man, I suck at fantasy football anymore...