Cleveland Tourism videos...

Thanks to Petredis for forwarding these to me. I have nothing funny or clever to say about them and I had nothing to do with them. All I did was laugh hard at one part of each of the videos and chuckle throughout the rest. I'm sure you can identify the part of each video that's the funniest, since you're astute...at least astute enough to find my blog.

Burn pits?

So, I'm scanning CNN.com and I come across the following headline:
So, of course, I assume it was something to do with deoderant and some bad chemical they put into it. And I thought, I know about that a little bit...maybe I can sue too.

Turns out, it was about burning garbage in pits on US Army bases. Now, I feel stupid. Stupid and embarrased.

And I still don't know what to do with my own burn pits.

Shriekin' like a girl...

So, I was bringing down Alison's running shoes from our room and putting them in their rightful place in the car-hole. I opened to door to the garage and tossed the shoes onto the mullet-wig that sits by the shoe pile.

And I heard a squeak.

It sounded kind of like when you squeeze the nose of a clown (and don't act like you don't squeeze the noses of clowns...it's unbecoming). And, as far as I knew, Alison wasn't hiding any midget clowns (there shouldn't be any other kind...even though midgets don't exist) under the mullet wig, so that couldn't be it.

I reached over and grabbed the wig, and a bird hopped out!

And, boy oh boy, did I scream. I screamed like a grounder was coming at me at third base. I screamed like I was in...um...Scream. I screamed like a those guys behind me at Scary Movie. (I actually went to Scary Movie and had two black guys who were total stereotypes sitting behind me...and it was faaaaabulous).

Hmmm...maybe I should be more of a man and not scream when I see a bird. Humph...

Caught vandalizing a Wikipedia page!

As of Saturday, May 9th , at 1:01 am, the Wikipedia page for Darren Hambrick has had the career achievements switched back to "No Notable Achievements". And I got reprimanded by Wikipedia.

I still feel that anything in a career could be considered notable. Apparently Chicken Wing disagrees and feels getting Troy Aikman Gatorade is not an achievement. Man, if I had a Wikipedia page, I think "Getting David Spade dinner" might be my notable achievement...and I'd be happy to have it on there!

Well, it was a pretty sweet 2 day ride I had in Wikipedia infamy. If only I weren't such a vandal...

No Notable Achievements?

So, I was looking on the Wikipedia page for Darren Hambrick, the former NFL player turned drug kingpin, when I saw something that struck me as strange:
I've highlighted and circled what is strange, but think about it: Career Highlights. These are the highlights of his career. His career! And they put no notable achievements? Anything could have been the highlight of his career! Anything. It could have been one of his sacks. Getting drafted. Stealing checks from Carolina Panther players. Befriending Rae Carruth. Anything. It's the frickin' highlight of his career.

Screw it, I'm going in to Wikipedia and changing it now.There. Much better.

Swine Flu Kit?

So, I was looking on the internet (they're putting it on computers now!!) and I see this mass-hysteria induced Swine Flu (I mean H1N1 Flu...sorry Pork Industry) Kit (just yesterday...not weeks ago when people were freaking out):

Let me count the things wrong with this picture:

A) Regularly $59.95? How can they even have a regular price on this? Didn't they just invent this thing about 2 days ago? And now they're having a sale on it? What the b?

2) Couldn't you just go to Home Depot and get this exact same thing for way cheaper? Sure, it wouldn't be called the "Swine Flu Kit" and play into hypochondriacs hysteria, but you'd still have everything you "needed" that's in this kit.

D) Can I sub out products? I mean...I already have plenty of disposable rubber gloves and safety goggles...but perhaps I've said too much.

Follow-up

James was on the train in Boston and he saw some lady clipping her fingernails while riding the train?

Ewwwwwwwww.

Since when has grooming become such a public event? When does it end? Is that okay she was doing that? Is it okay if she was putting on deodorant on the train? Flossing? Trimming her nose hair? When does it end?

Weirdest thing...

So, I was going to Dick's (sidenote...if you're ever looking for Dick's Sporting Goods on the internet, what you might think is the address IS NOT the address...I know from experience) to get a scorebook for softball (not that we're actually fielding a full team ever) when I saw the strangest thing blow across the road...

a tumbleweed.

That's right, a tumbleweed blew right past my car. I know what you're thinking, they're not all the uncommon. Let me stop you right now...I was not in Back to the Future III, so I was not in the Old West.

Nor was I in some hillbilly town in the middle of southwest Texas. I was in the middle of a metro area where I didn't know tumbleweeds existed.

Now that I know they exist, I'll be on the look out for them the next time I'm driving, along with saloons and gunfights...especially at high noon.

Happy Hour?

I don't know about you, but at my office, we love to go to Dairy Queen after a hard day of work to unwind with a Blizzard flavored treat...


Then, after that, we sometimes stop over at Denny's for Fancy Eatin' Night. Mmmm...can you say Moons Over My Hammy? Don't front!

Ridiculous...

Seriously, you idiot, take that ridiculous thing off. You're going to cause a conniption around you!

And yes, yes I was talking about your stupid hat and glasses a-face.