Christmas Music...

So, during the holidays, Alison likes to listen to Christmas music on the radio. Which is fine. Whatever. We all have our drawbacks.

So, we were driving to the airport on the 26th and she was listening to Christmas music and I said:

"Man, every year, they start playing this stuff earlier and earlier..."

because they're already playing it for next yer. And then she punched me and I kept any further clever observations to my own person...

The Jerky Contest!

My dad reminded me this week that I was in a beef jerky contest a couple of years ago, so I decided to see if the link to it still works...and it does!

So...here you, though voting is done with...

Hey Jerky, What's Your Beef?

Classy guy I am...classy guy. I wish my nerds would have won it for me...instead, we got demolished:

Results

Air Freshners?

I was driving behind a VW bug yesterday (I know...gross...who even has those?) and it had, not one, not two, but three (THREE!) of those pine tree air fresheners swinging about in the car. 3!

How can you possibly smell that bad that you need that many? I mean, you get in the car with one of those and you'll probably say, "Yikes...didn't realize we were going to Yosemite". They're strong...He-Man strong.

Yet this guy (yes...it was a guy driving the bug) had such terribly strong BO that he needed three! How many decomposing bodies were in his back seat?

I think if someone gets pulled over and they have more than one of those things in the car, it should be grounds to search the car for body parts, because they're definitely hiding something...

7 times...

Yep...that's how many times I've watched Harry and the Hendersons since I won it at a Christmas party on Saturday. Man...I came out of there like aces in a fire!

6 year old kills Santa??

Now THAT is the kind of article I want to read about!

Unfortunately, I read it wrong and it was actually:

Which, lets face it, is not really news...

Ugh...thanks Chanticlear

Last night, we ordered pizza for pick up from Chanticlear Pizza and when I went there, I was told that the delivery guy grabbed it and took it for a drive, but realized he grabbed the wrong one when he got to the deliver house. So, the pizza we ordered at 5 pm and was done at 5:15, was given to us at 5:55. Mmmm...nothing like luke-warmish pizza...gross.

The e-mail vault:

Today, I went back to the beginning of my e-mail account to pull an e-mail exchange and see if it was funny. It wasn't....but here it is:

From: Brent
To: Will
Date: Fri, August 20, 2004 8:54:18 AM
Subject: Mario Kart

Any chance you still have my copy of super mario kart from
school and want to mail it back to me?

From: Will
To: Brent
Date: Fri, August 20, 2004 9:38:28 AM
Subject: Re: Mario Kart

yes, i'll be shipping that and all your transformers back to you next
week...idiot

From: Brent
To: Will
Date: Fri, August 20, 2004 12:21:18 PM
Subject: Re: Mario Kart

maybe you can ship back that Ozzie Timmons rookie card too…

From: Will
To: Brent
Date: Fri, August 20, 2004 3:05:47 PM
Subject: Re: Mario Kart

i'd have to go back to the future to snatch that ozzie timmons
"future stars" topps traded rookie card....man that i hate

From: Brent
To: Will
Date: Fri, August 27, 2004 6:25:30 PM
Subject: Re: Mario Kart

did I leave a penny in your room a couple of years ago? Any way
you could send it back to me?

Dear Vault Zero,

You, sir, are no Diet Mountain Dew. Not at all.

Nor are you even a Mello Yello, or a Surge.

You are not even a Diet Mountain Fury nor a Diet Mountain Lightning nor a Diet Mountain Mist.

You are repugnant. I can't stand you. Why oh why do I keep giving you a chance and everytime you scorn me?

Well...

at least it got above zero yesterday.

No...wait...it didn't. I forget how cold it is in the winter until it's actually here. And when it's actually here, I want it to leave. Kind of like if you have a party and invite Ted Danson. At first you think, "Man, that's going to be fun. Ted Danson is coming to my party!"

Then, 3 am rolls around, everyone is gone, except for Ted Danson. And you just can't get him to leave. And all he keeps doing is talking about Whoopi being "The one that got away." until you just want to clobber yourself in the face with a printer...

Shorts Maly on Modern Family

So, I'm watching Modern Family on ABC (and let's face it, who isn't?) and one of the characters reminds me of one of my friends from college. His facial expressions. His overall general appearance. The inflection of his voice.

So, without further ado, I present Shorts Maly, as played by Phil Dunphy, as played by Ty Burrell: