STOP IN TODAY!!!

Ahhh...more from the world of marketing/advertising. I still don't get it. I never will. I never, ever, schmever (made that word up) will. I must have been born without the marketing gene. Wait...I mean the moron gene. Sorry marketing professionals...

What in the world am I talking about? Why do I always rip on Marketing? Why do I have an unhealthy obsession with Bea Arthur? Allow me to explain...

I was driving by the Verizon store today, minding my own business. Then, I noticed a huge sign out front that said

STOP IN TODAY!!!

Stop in today? Are you kidding me? Does that really work? Will anyone be driving along, thinking, 'man, I should go to the verizon store tomorr...what the? Wait...they said I can stop in today. You know what? I should stop in today!!'

It's not as if they said:

BUY ONE PHONE, GET ONE FREE. TODAY ONLY!

or

PLEASE STOP IN TODAY OR WE'RE GOING OUT OF BUSINESS

but there is no way that someone putting the time and money into a sign that lets you know you are free to stop in today, as opposed to most days when you are not allowed in, is ever a good idea. It's like the Death Row Christmas album; no one wants to hear Snoop rapping about Christmas.

And that's why many marketing people astound me...

Or Al Gore is full of sh...

Dang it! After society gave Al Gore the Nobel Peace Prize for his fabled Pirate Research, FOX News and Yahoo! News both publish stories (albeit the same story, since it's an AP story) about the RISE of pirate attacks!! You can check it out here.

Now, this leads us to a very heart wrenching question; do we have to take back Al Gore's Nobel Peace Prize for misleading us and telling us that GLOBAL WARMING was killing off all the pirates? I submit we do. How can you give a guy an award when everything he's done is a blatant lie. If you're going to let him keep it, you might as well let Milli or Vanilli (whichever one didn't kill themself) keep their Grammy. I mean, this is a pretty big issue.

Now, I think Al Gore did this to make everyone disagree with GLOBAL WARMING. If everyone knew that GLOBAL WARMING increased the amount of pirates in the world, I think more people would be for GLOBAL WARMING then currently are (as a sidenote, I believe 7% of the population is pro-GLOBAL WARMING and only 3% of the population do not like ice cream, but that's neither here nor there) and Al Gore just couldn't take that.

So, Al. That invitation to come over and have egg nog has been rescinded. You sir, are not welcome in Minnesota and if I see you on my street, there is the very real possibility you'll be wearing your nog. You disgust me. Hoo-rah for Pirates!!

thank you to my dad and eric for pointing out this story and making me see that Al Gore is the ruthless bastard I originally thought he was

RBC Tile...

Alison and I had a new backsplash put up behind the sink and we bought the tile at a little outfit called RBC Tile. Well...we bought a little too much and I wanted to return the extra tile (which was all still in the full box they had given me). This is the conversation that transpired with their customer service department:

RBC: Hi, RBC Tile How can I help you?
BRENT: Hi. I bought some tile from you a couple weeks ago and we didn't end up using it all. I still have a ful box and was wondering if I can return it for a refund.
RBC: Did you buy it retail?
BRENT (confused): Umm...yes?
RBC: Then no. Sorry.
BRENT: Huh?
RBC: What you can do, instead of throwing it away, is bring it down to us and we can use it as samples to give out to people.
BRENT: So...what you're saying is, you can't give me any money back to use the product. But you are willing to take it back for free to use it? What if I threw in a Jackson? Would that make you happier when you took it back?
RBC (confused): Um...no sir. We'll definitely take it back for free. You don't need to give us any additional money to take it

---CLICK---

Al Gore WAS right?!?!?!?

Now, I hate to admit it. I've made fun of Al Gore as much as the next guy. Perhaps even more. Calling him Stumpy, Pigg-o, El Stupid VP, The Son of Sloth and Pedro. But no more. I'm actually issuing an official Brent Nelson-approved apology to Mr. Al Gore and when he comes to Minnesota next time, I'm offering an open invitation (right here...in writing!!) to come to my house and drink a bottle of egg nog with me (assuming nog is in season).

Now, you may be asking, what made such an about face, Brent? Aren't you the guy who hated Al Gore more than almost anything? Didn't you once compare him to Face Poop? Well...no actually. But I never liked him, and he always made such a big deal about GLOBAL WARMING (it goes in caps...for emphasis) which I thought was a farce. But check out the following graph, and you'll see just how real GLOBAL WARMING is:

As you can see, the population of Pirates is dwindling...in direct correlation to the planet getting warmer!!

You see people...this is where GLOBAL WARMING kicks us in the butt! No ozone? So what? No Jolly Roger? Frick that! We need pirates!

Who else is going to pillage and plunder? Who else will strike fear in the heart of Vikings? Who else will make people walk the plank? Crup...I mean, who else even has a plank?

So...people...we need to band together. Strike out as one. Take back the night. Sit in for peace. And, in case you didn't know...all of those are ways to stop GLOBAL WARMING and bring back the Pirates. Remember...your kids have to live hear when you're gone. Do you really want them to live without Pirate's? I sure as hell don't...

thank you to Josh Ryan for bringing this to my attention. Next time, perhaps we will have a graph that shows how a rock can keep bears away.