Brad and Angelina breaking up?

This is shocking! I mean, if you can't have a stable relationship with someone who wears a vial of blood around there neck, who can you have a stable relationship with?

Crazy...

Yes...Angelina Jolie is crazy...

Ahhh...the DMV...

So, I went to re-new the tabs on my car yesterday and I got to go to the DMV. Good times.

Once I was called, I had this conversation with a delightful lady:

Lady: Paperwork?
Brent: Here you go.
Lady: You're the third person I've had in today.
Brent: Huh?
Lady: Alright, sign this.
Brent: Um. Okay.
Lady: 20 minutes.
Brent: What?
Lady: All done.
Brent: What about 20 minutes?
Lady: We're finished. You can go.

So...that was that, I guess. I have to imagine she had some sort of bluetooth or something I couldn't see and was talking to one of her "friends"...at least, I hope that was the case...

Why don't I get e-mail like this anymore?

Apparently (as we all know), my blog has taken a turn for the worse.
Maybe I need to go to Target more?

Fri, March 17, 2006 11:29:32 AM From: Will To: Brent Brent, You were in my dream last night. We were hanging out somewhere, and I kept raving to you about how good your blog has been recently. No lie...and creepy

I'm pretty sure...

this is not a conversation that normal people would have:

Brent: You know why gold is awesome?
Justin: It's gold?
Brent: Because it's gold!
Brent: Dang...you already said that.
Justin: Idiot...

Menards

So, I was driving by Menard's and the scrolling marquee outside the store said:

Windshield washer fluid only $1.99!!!

And I'm looking at it, wondering if that's even a good deal. I have no idea how much windshield washer fluid costs regularly. 99 cents? 5 dollars? I have no idea.

All I know is that a scrolling marquee telling me it's $1.99 is not going to get me to come into that store and buy some. Then again, most things aren't going to get me to step foot into a Menard's...

Ugh...

So, I was at Target, getting assorted goods. I was in the express lane, so I had less than 10 items (because I'm not a d-bag and sneak in there with 15-20 items like some losers do), but it was enough to fit it all in one bag.

But they weren't all the same thing. I think there was some Windex and some ground beef. Also, a cat toy, or something like that (why don't I go look what was actually there...because then I'd have to move off my duff and that is not happening).

I go through the line and the woman back there starts bagging the items. And she puts them all in the same bag. Which is fine...I don't care.

But as she hands me the bag, she says, "Is one bag okay for all that?"

Kind of late on the quick there, huh? You wouldn't want to ask that before bagging the items, now would you??

Year One at Office Depot

So, I was at Office Depot yesterday and up by the register, in the impulse buy section, was Year One (starring Jack Black) for 19.99.

Seriously? Who thought that was a good idea? I wouldn't even pay 1.99 for that movie. And who's going to have an impulse to buy that at Office Depot? I wish I could meet the person who had the idea to put it there, so I could karate chop them in the eye, so they know how it feels...

Gigli?

So, Alison was browsing the 99 cent downloads on Amazon and the following came up:

Really? A retard? That's their plot outline? And how in the world is this the #3 download in anything?? Unless the category was "movies containing the word Gig", behind The Big Gig and Liian iso keikka aka Too Big Gig.

Depressed Cat...

Well, since we got Khloe, it's made our good cat, Klyde, depressed. He doesn't come sleep on the bed anymore and he won't go anywhere that Khloe is. Hopefully he gets over it soon, because basically we broke our best cat (Klyde) by getting a cat that likes to scratch up all the furniture (Khloe).

Alison chose poorly for her Christmas gift...

Better Off Ted has stolen from me...

I did this exact same "joke" to my brother Kevin when I was about 16 and my parents were out of town. I accidentally pulled a cabinet door off (I know...I know...I'm an idiot), so I placed it just so back on there and stood there and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

For someone to come to need something out of that cabinet. It took what seemed like an ice age, but Kevin finally came to the cabinet, opened it...and it came right off in his hand.

Of course, my immediate reaction was, "What did you do???"

You can see why my family loved me when I was younger...

Is Tony Clark the Candyman?

So, I was watching Baseball Tonight about the McGwire story a couple days ago (and...still my favorite baseball player of all time) and Tony Clark was the new anchor on there. I never realized before, but that guy looks just like the Candyman.

Or maybe I'm just semi-racist? Either way...this guy is creeping me out...

They need to have that guy stop staring right into the camera. It feels like he's looking right into my soul and me no likey.

That's not how you win friends...

So, I was looking on-line for some jeans and I came across the following picture...

Come on man...that's not nice.

Name change...

Alison just couldn't take it. She didn't want to call a girl cat a boys name...so we had to come up with a new name. So...Kliff is no longer the name and the new name is...

Khloe...yep...just like Khloe Kardashian. Ugh. I guess that makes me Bruce Jenner, so there is something good that came out of it...

You can put that YOGA back in the FRIDGE t-shirt!

Well...looks like I was right and it made an awesome t-shirt. Now, if only palmercash.com or someone would actually create it...

Yoga

So, Alison and I were talking last night and the following took place:

Brent: I feel like such an old man. My body aches all the time.
Alison: That's because you don't take care of it.
Brent: Huh?
Alison: You do all that heavy lifting. You need to do something more for agility. You need to do something like Yoga.
Brent: (thinks for a minute)
Brent: You can put that Yoga back in the fridge!
Alison: (looks at Brent like he has mental issues)

And then I laughed for about 5 minutes at my lame joke and said how cool it would be to have that on a t-shirt. Then Alison hit me where I got my shot...and then the laughing stopped.

Kliff's a girl!

Just went to the vet yesterday and it turns out...Kliff is a girl. Interesting. She asked what we were changing her name to. I looked at her like she was crazy...her name is Kliff. It's like on Friends...

Chandler: So, uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they gonna name her?
Phoebe: They're gonna call her Chandler.
Chandler: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?
Phoebe: Works on you.

That's right...Chandler and Kliff...very masculine names for a girl...

The Bachelor

Seriously, I can't stand this new Bachelor. All he talks about is how humble and nice he is, when you can tell he's actually a huge arrogant, conceited, cocky loser who thinks he's the greatest gift to women since sliced bread.

That being said, I think he picks that Ali chick in the end. And I will continue to watch the show...

Meet Kliff!

So, Alison got a new Kitten for Christmas. His name...Mr. Kliff Nelson. He looks surprisingly like Klyde, only smarter and more with it.

Toilet Kitten?

So, I'm getting Alison a kitten for Christmas and I've been scouring craigslist, trying to find their brightest, free-est kitten, when I came across this ad:

Kitten Ad

Check out the picture on the ad...I don't feel comfortable posting it here...

Aww...

Picture 1: Cute. The kitten probably just woke up from a nap!
Picture 2: Cute. He likes being pet!
Picture 3: Umm...some kid sitting on the toilet, holding the cat in front of him so his mom can take a picture and put it on the internet. Alright...
Picture 4: Cute. The kitten likes to hide!

I'm back!

So, we were in Arizona last week and was we drove by the Boulders resort, Alison mentioned that she had stayed there when she was younger. In fact, it was the same room that Pam Anderson had stayed int he week before. I said I hope the room was sterilized before they got there.

Zing! Back.