Last night...

we had a pretty big storm and about 3 am I heard a noise. I thought it sounded like water leaking into the house. I threw off the covers and rushed to where the sound was coming from.

Turns out it was just a cat puking. Thank God!

Er...wait. Cat puke? Gross!

Mini Cooper

So, I'm at Cub yesterday and had the following exchange:

Cub Lady: OK, here's your receipt. Would you like a window-cling?
Brent: Huh?
Cub Lady: A window-cling. They're giving away two Mini Coopers if you have one.
Brent: Yech. Mini Cooper.
Cub Lady: They're giving them away!!
Brent: Sweet. Then I could lounge around in my Crocs while surfing the internet on my Mac before I hightail it to Ikea in my Mini Cooper!!
Cub Lady: Yeah, Mac's are great!
Brent: Idiot...

Evite losers...

So, apparently Alison and I are losers. And Vance (first response in the no column) just wants to exasperate the situation...

(you can click on it for a larger view)

As you can see...no one wants to come to our party. I should try not annoying people at functions in the future. Eh...

Track & Field

So, I'm watching Bolt destroy everyone in the 200 on NBCOlympics.com and I see the following about the history of track and field

Olympic track and field comprises 26 running events, 3 walking events, 16 field events, the decathlon and heptathlon.

Walking events? WALKING!!? Who are these people? Do you get mocked by, oh, I don't know...EVERYONE?? Is there a less sought after medal? Do you get priority seating at Denny's? This is ridonk. And I want one. Bad. Watch out London...here comes power walking Brent!

Sinclair?

Have you ever been to a Sinclair station? If so, then there's a good chance you're a drug dealer. Or someone who was looking to score drugs. Because that's what EVERY Sinclair station looks like.

There is NEVER anyone there during the day. You can drive by and you might see one car there. Maybe.

But at night, all of the sudden, there are always about 40 cars parked out front. Where did all those cars come from? And why are they there at night?

Emergency oil change? Hash? You decide...

So...

I wake up this morning and I have the following message that has been commented on in my Comcast van post:
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get a life...
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Get a life? Is that what I need to do? You, sir, might want to look into that, searching about Comcast vans at 1:40 am. Shouldn't you be getting ready for your run-in with Chris Hansen about this time?

Gradumatate?

So, I look in my e-mail today and I got this notice about our 10-year high school reunion:

Help us find 37% of our missing graduates? I don't get it. Why don't they want to find all of the missing graduates? Do they only want to find certain people and they don't really care if they find Justin Ardolf or not?

Or, do you think they meant that they can't find 37% of the people we graduated with? Yeah...that's probably it, though apparently 27% of the people on the graduation committee might should not of graduated.

Me English-speak good.

I swear...

that I saw Yoda driving a Civic yesterday. Or maybe it was a turtle. Didn't get a really good look, as I ended up passing IT at about 70 while they were going 27 on the interstate. I love people (things?) like that!

Why is Wednesday special?

So, I'm at Diamonds a week ago for the softball tournament. I was looking at their weekly drink specials and noticed something strange:


MONDAYS - $1.00 22oz Domestic Taps
TUESDAY - 2 FOR 1 All Drinks (up to $4.50) & Domestic Tap Beer
WEDNESDAY - Wet Panty Wednesday's
THURSDAYS- Ladies Drink FREE Tap Beer & Drinks (up to $4.50)
FRIDAYS- 2 FOR 1 All Drinks (up to $4.50) & Domestic Tap Beer
SATURDAYS - ALL Drinks 1/2 Price
SUNDAYS - $2.00 Bloody Mary's

What in the world is the deal with Wednesdays? Seriously! No other day has a special name. And why would they call it that? You know that's just going to bring out the creepsters. I think their new management has some learning to do...

Olympics...

I'm just going to say it...what is the deal with that wig Bob Costas is wearing? That can't be his real hair, can it? I refuse to believe it's not a wig and don't try to convince me otherwise. If you don't believe me, you're just kidding yourself. Bob Costas wouldn't protect you if someone was making fun of your fashion statement, so why are you protecting Johnny Wighead?

Also...Michael Phelps is ridonk...

Louisiana bans cockfighting...

This just in...Louisiana has become the last state to officially ban cockfighting. Congratulations. Here are a few other things they're hopping on the bandwagon on:

- Pasteurizing milk
- Color picture boxes (aka TV's)
- Disco music

and, of course, vaccines for the bubonic plague. You GO Louisiana!

Olympians...

So, I'm reading SI.com and they're giving you a little information on what you need to know about the US athletes for each sport. Here's a little snippet from it...

SOFTBALL
The U.S. has won all three golds since the sport joined the Games in 1996 -- and outfielder Laura Berg has been on each of those squads. She should go 4 for 4 this year; Team USA is stacked. In 2004 third baseman Crystl Bustos set Olympic records with five home runs and 10 RBIs. Ace Cat Osterman pitched the title-clinching games at the 2006 worlds and '06 and '07 World Cups. The rotation also has Jennie Finch and Monica Abbott , who went 6- for the U.S. team last year and didn't allow a run. The full squad: catcher Stacey Nuveman, outfielder Caitlin Lowe, Osterman, Abbott, third baseman Vicky Galindo, outfielder Jessica Mendoza, infielder Tairia Flowers; Bustos, infielder Andrea Duran, catcher Lauren Lappin, Berg, Finch, shortstop Natasha Watley, outfielder Kelly Kretschman, second baseman Lovieanne Jung. Because the IOC voted to drop softball from the Games after '08 (but will reconsider it next year), "we've got two things in mind: win gold and get softball in people's minds," Berg says. "There are 128 countries that play the sport. It is important the IOC sees that."

WRESTLING
She missed the 2004 Games with a torn ACL, but freestyler Marcie Van Dusen is back -- and is a 121-pound medal hope.

Man, if I were Marcie Van Dusen, I would be pissed. I bet when she reads this, she'll feel like Marla Hooch (What a hitter!!)

Yahoo is very friendly...

So, I was sending an e-mail yesterday and apparently there was an error with it. I got a failure notice in my in box. Here it is...

Hi. This is the qmail-send program at yahoo.com.I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses.This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.

No sir, thank you for trying to deliver. And have a great day! Looks like rain though...better bring an umbrella. Hahahahahahahahahaha...

Unicycle...

I saw some weird-o out riding a unicycle yesterday. Minding his own business. Acting like it was a completely normal thing to do.

And the only thing I could think was, you go, you carny freak. Don't let my gawking and pointing ruin your unicycling experience.

And then I dropped a stick in front of the unicycle, because no one should be having that much fun on something with only one wheel.

You know what...

it sucks if your car breaks down in the middle lane of the interstate. We get it. What sucks more is you not putting your blinkers on and just sitting there so the traffic rolls up behind you and no one knows what's going on. That sucks more 1970's VW Bug van (wow...wonder why your ca broke down...)

OK...

So, I've decided I should be on LCS. This is how my first joke would go...
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So, did you guys hear about this. This really happened. A guy in Canada was riding a Greyhound bus, fast asleep, and the guy next to him cut his head off. I am not making this up...this is true.

Can you imagine something more terrible than that? (shudders) Riding public transportation? GROSS!

Seriously though, I guess this isn't all that rare on buses. They just went on to the next stop like nothing happened, and left the body...and his head, at the stop and kept on going.

I kid, I kid. That's not true. No, they didn't actually make the next stop...because he didn't pull the cord...
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OK, maybe I shouldn't be on LCS...

SPORK!!!

So, I'm playing Word Twist on Facebook the other day (anyone and everyone, feel free to challenge me...I like to play) and I see the following ad:





Wait...so you mean I can ruin my car and support Obama??!!?!? And it's free to do this? Where do I sign up? Put that thing in the mail...I've been looking for something to cover my Kerry-Edwards bumper sticker...

Whoah. Hold on. Wait, you mean people actually sign up for this?

Really? Really?? Allllright...