Freegan??

OK, so I was reading CNN.com and I saw this thing called freegan.info...which is a site dedicated to getting food out of Dumpsters...or Dumpster Diving.

It lists the best places in cities to get...um...free food. So, to the right is what they have for Minnesota.

Next to a paint store, eh? So you may want to watch out for paint. Good to know. On an unrelated note, I know of a WonderBread Outlet that is right next to a clinic where they...um...perform...eh...abor...you know...

So, when you dive in the Dumpster...you know...ummmm...FREE!!!

Intervention Link?

OK, so Alison likes to watch the show Intervention. I don't really care to watch it. I know...I know...it is TV. Apparently I won't watch just anything they put in front of my face. Who knew?

Anyway, she watches it upstairs while I'm downstairs. And, every time the show starts, I hear the music and start getting this familiar feeling.

This feeling that I want to find the Silver Sword.
This feeling that I need to find a piece of the Triforce.
The feeling I need to find Death Mountain and destroy Ganon.
The feeling that only I can save Princess Zelda!!!

That's right...they jacked the soundtrack from The Legend of Zelda and they're using it for the show Intervention. I hope they're paying Link some royalty money for that...

Your wife's car?

So, I'm driving home from The Gym (take that Lifetime!) and I get to the corner of Bass Lake Road and 494 and come up to the stoplight.

I get there and I look at the car in front of me. It's a VW Beetle with a vanity plate that says "SUMMERS". And, I take a closer look and...there's a dude driving it!

Now, I don't know what would be more embarrassing than that. If some dude had to drive that car, they might actually think about cross dressing, just so people don't get the wrong idea. But perhaps I've said too much...

Anyway, I hope that wasn't his car. Otherwise, I just feel bad for him.

Eh, at least he isn't driving a PT Cruiser...now that would be embarrassing!

Craigslist...

So, I was scouring Craigslist, trying to find a free power rack that I don't have room for when I came across this ad:
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Maple Bed (full frame with box spring and matress) Headboard/foot

Full bed frame headboard and footboard with mattress and box spring, in exchange you bring two guys to carry another full bed up two flights of stairs. Bed would look adorable painted white, it is in good shape. You might want to replace mattress but it is not too bad. Email me.....Colette
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You might want to replace the mattress? Might? Ew. I bet there are all kinds of...um...how you say...fluids...on that mattress. Might want to get that thing ScotchGuarded next time Colette.

Gross...

I'll take S Words...

In honor of Benny and the party last Saturday night, I leave you with a transcript of SNL today:

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Sean Connery: Uh.. I'll take "Swords" for $400.

Alex Trebek: It's actually not "Swords".. these are words that begin with "S". The answer is: "Popeye is this sort of man".

[ Reynolds buzzes in ]

Alex Trebek:Burt Reynolds.

Burt Reynolds: What is.. Popeye?

Alex Trebek: [ sighs ] No.

[ Connery buzzes in ]

Alex Trebek: Sean Connery. And, remember, these are words that begin with the letter "S", not "Swords".

Sean Connery: [ bangs podium, thinking ] Saber!

Alex Trebek: No.

Sean Connery: It began with a bloody "S"!

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Stupid S Words...

Sally Methface...

OK, so Alison and I (mostly Alison, since I was trying to watch an old episode of CI) were looking on line for return address labels. Apparently, we were looking for "cute" ones, and "cute" means they must have caricatures of us and the cats on them.

So, eventually we find a site where we can do that. And you can arrange all the faces on there to look like your own. But, looking through them, there's one face that just stands out; you can see it on the left:


You have all these nice, normal looking faces and then, all of the sudden, you got the face of someone addicted to meth popping up.

Now, first of all, I seriously doubt any methfaces are looking for return address labels. That seems to be the least of their worries.

But, we'll say they are looking for return address labels. Do you really think that someone is going to pick out a picture for their label where they look haggard, at best? Doubtful...

Then again, they could have been going after me, because I wanted Alison, me and the cats to all look like this. Surprisingly, I was overruled...

The Hills Quiz Rip-off...

So, V sent me the People magazine quiz for the Hills. I went to the site and took it and here are my results:


Now, I very much feel I am an expert and expected to get 9 out of 9 (or a billion out of a billion, depending on the amount of questions). I wish to claim shenanigans on this quiz.

I missed the one about LC's dress named for her friend, but I give that question an asterisk anyway since we've never heard anything about the Lauren Conrad Collection on The Hills, therefore, that's Lauren Conrad trivia and not The Hills trivia.

But perhaps I'm a little too sensitive about that...you know...seeing as I'm a dude and all...

Genius...pure genius...

Now, we've all been using coffee mugs for years. Everyone knows this. But all coffee mugs have had an inherent problem that no one ever talks about. It's the elephant in the room whenever you're drinking coffee. It's like that mom on 20/20 who had no upper lip and no one said anything, but everyone knew about it.

What is the problem with coffee mugs, you ask? Below is a standard mug:

Now, as you can see, the handle curves in. That means, to hold the mug, you either have to have your pinkie finger outside of the handle, or squeeze your little fingie in there and have it be uncomfortable and go numb, possibly getting gangrene or frostbite and then falling off. All because some adwizard couldn't come up with a functional mug, like the one below:

Now, as you can see, the handle curves down, so all fingers can easily fit. It's a dream for coffee drinkers. You have not drank a cup of coffee until you've drank a cup with all your fingers comfortably fitting in the mug handle.

Why is this kind of mug just coming out? Why wasn't this the first handle invented? Seriously? Why??

All About Foreclosure Arsonists

People are burning down their houses
          Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Rates adjusted, can't afford the payments
          Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Now their house is in foreclosure
          Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
They think this will relieve their debt
          Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Now they get to go to jail
          Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
But they still owe all that money
          Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Maybe they should live within their means
          SMART SMART SMART SMART SMART
Now we all have to clean up their mess
          Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
          Dumb dadumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
          Dumb dadumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
          Dahumb dahumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
          Dumb dumb dumb dumb duuumb, duuumb.

Castle Times?

So, I'm sitting down to eat my delicious post-workout bowl of Golden Corn Nuggets (which might, or might not (but probably is) be the grossest name for a cereal ever) when I take a peak at the back of the box.

On the back of the box, as you can see, they have a word puzzle for kids to enjoy, so they can learn as they savor the nuggets of golden corn (which, as the front of the box points out, are not as large as they appear on the front of the box...those are enlarged to show detail).

So, I start to read about the Castle Word Puzzle. And, if you don't want to zoom in on the back of the box provided, here is how it starts:

Life in castle times was exciting and so different from the way you live today. Learn some cool facts while...

Castle times? CASTLE TIMES!!?! What in the hell are castle times? Why are they trying to make kids morons? Are they going to have a time-line with all the periods there have been:

Cave Times

Stick and Mud Hut Times

Pyramid Times

Castle Times

Cottage Times

Ship Times (you know...Pilgrims)

American Cottage Times

House Times

Hamburger University

Bigger House Times

Spaceship Times

There...I think I have them all. Come on Golden Corn Nuggets..learn me....