Office Max Christmas?

So, I was at Office Max yesterday, picking up some office supplies that Target didn't have, since there's no other reason to go into Office Max unless you're in to getting verbally assaulted by the "Office Max Team" the second you walk into the door (I'm looking at you on this one Toast).

Anyway, I go walking up there with 4 letter trays, 2 reams of paper and a little container of binder clips and I got this small conversation:

Office Max Lady: Wow. Bringing me some presents?
Brent: Damn, Christmas must have sucked in your house lady...

Wow...

Peter King pointed this out in his MMQB article yesterday, but you really have to see it...

I mean, really? Really? Who was the writer on this? John Bowman? And who at Burger King greenlighted this? Did the producers of Gigli start working at Burger King and thought this would be a good idea? And why keep pointing out her weight without making the obvious joke of, "She must have been eating double Whoppers for the whole off-season!"?

She's a hussy

Good call US...it's true, that Olive Cohen dresses like such a little hussy, it's sickening. I'm glad you helped put her in her place!

Trainee

So, I was at the dentist yesterday (it's almost like I'm living there...like a crappy version of You, Me and Dupree) and I had a trainee dental hygienist working with the dentist.

It sucks. I mean...I thought it wouldn't matter, but she was terrible. Terrible! You know how when you have a waiter having a trainee with them at a restaurant, it doesn't matter? Well...trainee's in dental practice matter.

She was very, very slow with the suction hose, to the point that I felt like I was being waterboarded (and, to be honest...it's not that bad) and she also was very stingy with the sprayer thing. I mean, the front of my mouth was the Sahara and the back of my mouth was the Native American Ocean. It was ridiculous.

And she kept asking the dentist questions. How long do I do that for? Do you need this now? What's that?

I didn't know you get to work in the dental office on your first day of dental hygienist school. I thought maybe they taught you some things before they threw you to the wolves.

Well...at least she didn't kill me...I have that going for me, which is nice...

Airport security...

So, I was walking through airport security last week and you know it's a little uncomfortable. Everything is hurry up and wait and you have to believe that that wand shouldn't be lingering there for that amount of time...er, um, or never mind. It's a hassle.

So, I was going through the security the other day when the TSA agent started talking to me while he was looking at my license:

TSA Agent: You know they invented the perfect woman.
Brent: Huh?
TSA Agent: Yep, the perfect woman.
Brent: Is that so?
TSA Agent: Yep...a gingerbread woman!
Brent: Huh?
TSA Agent: Yep...if she gives you any lip, you just bite her head off!!
TSA Agent: (looks at me, expecting laughter)
Brent: hahahahaha
Brent: Can I go now?

I mean, they kind of have you over a barrel there (and not in that good, Yogi Bear kind of way). What are you supposed to do? Obviously, that was a worse joke than John Bowman would come up with...probably.

But you can't just stare at him. Because he has the power to not let you on the plane. So, you have to give him a horrible courtesy laugh, like you're watching Hank or something like that. It's the worst.

And I just know he tries that joke out on everyone that passes through. Hopefully his headless gingerbread wife doesn't take any offense...

STARKEY!!

Stop being "that guy" and send in your fantasy football payment!

Signed,
Me

Thank you Family Guy...

for bringing Parker Lewis back into the mainstream! Man...I loved that show. I loved Kube. Great times. No, wait. GREAT times!

Don't act like you didn't want to write Parker Lewis in your hair back when you were in 6th grade. I mean...I can't be the only one, right? Right?

Snart...

TiVo be busy...

on Wednesday nights. Just getting around to watching the shows over the weekend but realized we recorded 12 shows between 7 and 10 pm. 12!!

How many of them are good? That's yet to be seen...

Someone is gettin' presents!

I know what you're thinking...which one am I going to order? The answer, of course...is both! I can't wait to get the blackhead remover so I can use it on my dwarf seahorses! I better frickin' be delighted with it...

Herr Nebraska fans unite!

Who knew Hitler was so passionate about the Huskers?

He makes some good points though...I hope it didn't lose anything in translation...