Guest Blog: The Wedding Story w/director commentary

The following story comes from my esteemed colleague, Justin Petredis. Anything that is added in red is added by me, the director. If you don't know these people, you might not enjoy this story as much as I do. But, after reading it, I almost pulled a Lisa and needed a pair of Depends. About 4 of you got that joke. On to the Blog!!

OK. Here's the deal with Urbs. (This is all about Kevin Urban...who lives in Las Vegas. As a sidenote...Urban loves to get it on with girls who are wearing do-rags.)
Meets Kristen (Huber's date) at my wedding. (When asked if his date at the wedding was his girlfriend...Keith replied "Not really." When questioned further and asked if she thought he was her boyfriend, Huber replied, "Probably." So...facts, shmacts) When everyone goes to Splitsville (you were there right?) (indeed I was at Splitville...physically) he talks with her for 2 hours or so alone (technically, I was passed out at the table for part of that time) , and both drunk. They don't exchange numbers, emails, they don't kiss. That is it. Or so he thought. Plus she had a boyfriend (who wasn't named Keith Huber) of 6 years who lived with her.

He tries to get a hold of her, and she is trying to get a hold of him. (Mmmm...Fatal Attraction. Plus, Kevin is fun...but not fun enough to try to get ahold of for months) They finally talk, FOR HOURS, about how much they loved talking to each other. (An interesting and well thought out topic of conversation. Many a relationship have been built on this tenent) How much they dig each other. Etc. (They probably also talked about how hard it was to talk when they were blasted off rum at the wedding...the only other time they have ever spoken) Then she says she just broke up with her boyfriend. (Nice) Now I have conflicting stories. One is it was a concidence. (Bullshit) Another is that it was b/c that 2 hour conversation with Kevin was more interesting that 6 years with her boyfriend (I like that one more). (That has to send that old boyfriend to the razors) But apparently neither can remember what they talked about, just that they really enjoyed it. (I remember bits and pieces...but I could be making it up. I also remember running into a Puma that night...but again, bad memory)

And now it gets real good. She is going to visit him. (Hell yes!) For the entire Thanksgiving weekend. (Ummm...that's a looooong first date) This will be the first time they will have talked while sober in person. (Urban doesn't talk about anything besides the Riz and sports) I assume she is staying with him. (What an awkward situation) Huber and I plan to harass them then entire weekend with phone calls. (A very noble idea) Feel free to do the same. (Done and done...hope we got extra weekend minutes that month mom)

Also Kevin tells me, although this is not certain, that she is thinking of moving out there in April. (Yes, this sounds like a good idea. Well, I can't say too much. I've been seeing a girl for two weeks and am contemplating asking her to move to KC when I move. If things are still going as well as they are in a month. Which they probably won't be. Off Topic!!) What??!?!? Yes, that's right.

Then last night it all got even better. (Impossible!) How you ask? (You read my mind) Well, settle down and I will tell you: (Thank Allah!)

I get a call from a number I don't recognize. Answer it, its Kristen. She's pissed. (That sounds like fun...that's why I don't answer the phone unless I know the number. But no one calls me anyway. Back to the story) Asks why have I been telling people she was my high school girlfriend. I say I never have. ( I told everyone we went on a few days over a couple/few weeks, then went to a dance as friends, which is the truth). (That is the truth...that's what the Trete said. He also told me in confidence that he rounded first base and was at second base with her. But that was in confidence. So don't tell anyone) She says she heard it from a reliable source. (Urban). (Urban is not reliable. He...um...lies) I deny it again. She says, "OK, just checking up on you" (whatever that means) and hangs up. Whole conversation, approx. 39 seconds. Good times. (Checking up on what? I mean, if she were smoking hot, maybe you'd lie about going out with her. Or if she had a Guiness World Record in DVDA, you might mention you had dated her, but she';s just some girl who is falling for...Urban?)

So now apparently Urban is selling me out by telling lies to that whore, and for whatever reason, this really pisses her off. (Apparently she's had enough of the Britney and K-Fed baby stories and she wants something else to harp on) Why she cares about high school is beyond me. (I went to high school!) But there it is. Now you are up to date. And I will keep you informed.

I just wrote him an email calling him out, and telling him to tell that "slut to lose my number" which he will no doubt forward to her, so this may lead to more phone calls and bridges burned. I can't wait. (And I'm sure your little screenplay with director commentary won't help the matter. Well played Mr. Trete...well played indeed)