T-Paw?

So, for some reason, Alison got an e-mail from the Tim Pawlenty campaign people. The subject was "T-Paw Meets the Press"

Really? T-Paw? That's what you're going to call yourself when you send out campaign literature. Well, I guess it worked for A-Rod when he was voted King of the Centaurs...

Nice job picky...

So, I was pulling into the Target parking lot, when a truck was pulling out and he was taking a WIDE turn, causing me to have to slam on my breaks or be hit. I should mention, he was picking his nose while making the turn (more deadly than cell phones!).

So, as he went by, I gave him the stink eye...and then I noticed what was on the side of his truck:

SEARS DRIVING SCHOOL

Yep...old Picky McnoSepick is a certified instructor, teaching other people how to drive, while almost causing accidents.

Then again, what do you really want when you get taught to drive by Ted Danson's favorite clothing retailer??

You know what...

when someone says the thing they're best at is Wii Bowling...you might not want to talk to that person much anymore. There's probably a good chance they are a sociopath...

Mr. Handyman

That's right, Mr. Fixit has strucken again. After all the do-it-yourself jobs I've done around the house (putting up crooked shelves (they weren't crooked when I bought them...I just made them that way), hanging things on the wall crookedly, etc.) I had one more chore I had to take on. I had to change the weather stripping on the door to our garage.

Only I wasn't sure it was called weatherstripping. So, I went to Lowe's...went to the door department and ambled around for a bit. Finally I asked a guy, and I described what I was looking for.

Brent: You know...that foamy stuff that goes between the door and the frame.
Guy: You mean a door stop?
Brent: I don't know.
Guy: Walks and show Brent a wooden doorstop.
Brent: No. It's more...um...foamy. Squishy. Like softer Silly Putty.
Guy: You mean weather stripping?
Brent: Yes! I guess.
Guy: So, I guess you're pretty handy.
Brent: walks away in shame

So, anyway, once that was done and the guy got done laughing at me, I got home and installed it. And now if I can just get the door back on the hinges, we're golden!

I just realized...

that Ted Danson is coming out with a new movie. First of all, who's putting Ted Danson in a movie? No matter that you want it to be 1988 Richard Moll, it isn't and Ted Danson will not draw a crowd (except maybe Whoopi and the cast of the View). And second of all...Ted Danson is still acting? Who knew?

Regardless...I boycott this made up movie that I used for this blog post...

My Next Birthday Present...

I know what you're thinking. Brent, you bring me moderate joy. What could I get you for your birthday?

Well, since you asked, I want this (even though the grammar on it is sub-par at best...I'll let it slide. Especially if Klassik Stak shows up!):


Looks like the Hired Goons got a new member!

Also, for only $7,500, you can have Haystak perform in your town. I wish Alison and I had known that for our wedding. Would have been WELL worth it!

Gross...

So, I was cleaning out Khloe's litter box and I saw something blue and shiny. Unfortunately, I decided I needed to look closer. Overcoming the nastiness that is the smell of a litter box, I went in for a closer look.

What was it, you ask.

It was a blue piece of ribbon, with little dingleberries on each end of it.

Yep, she ate a piece of ribbon from one of Alison's birthday presents, it worked its way through her little system and came out the backdoor.

Gross. Well, at least it didn't strangle her insides. I have a feeling I'm going to end up regret getting this present for her....

Betty White Movement?

Apparently, there is some new movement on Facebook to get Betty White to host SNL (Betty White movement) .

Seems like they're a little late on the get up. I've been a proponent of a Golden Girls renaissance for years (Betty White nude). I think it's about time America catches up.

Now, if they can just catch up with my eye patch idea...

Red Robin?

So, we went to the best hamburger place in the world last Saturday (it's Red Robin for those of you who don't know...I'd get the Sauteed 'Shroom Burger) and we ran into some people we knew on the way out:

Friend: So what are you doing here?
Alison: Oh, this is Brent's favorite place for burgers, so we decided to come.
Friend: You like this place?
Brent: Yeah!
Friend: Why?
Brent: speechless

Are you kidding? Why? Because I can actually taste things and I enjoy life. I'm not a stuffed up nerd who wouldn't know something good if it knocked out their pocket protector. That's why. Man, am I fired up. You're next!

The Sullivan Nod

When I worked at Chi-Chi's they taught us about the Sullivan Nod, which is basically slightly nodding when you say something that you want someone to do. So, I'd say, "Want to go to Red Robin for dinner?" while nodding and then Alison is supposed to say yes.

I'd say it doesn't often work...

Made-up words...

So, when I'm frustrated, I've taken to making up new words or using words that don't make sense (like Butters on South Park does when he's upset...Oh Hamburgers!). Apparently, this drives Alison crazy. I know not why.

Some of the new words I've been using:
Marf
Flang
Blunk
Snag
A Factory
Frag
Murt
Hort

Listen to the War of the Roses with Janessa

I thought this was hilarious when I heard it. Fantastic. Fantastic.

What do you do about the Prius recall?

I guess you've have to invent a way-back machine, go way back to before you bought that Prius and then shoot the Past You for even thinking about buying that hippie mobile. Other than that, I guess you're screwed...

Ugh...snow

Man...I thought the snow was done for the season. Little did I know. I just hate the winter. I know what you're going to ask...why do I live in Minnesota then. Easy answer...that's where my house is. Kind of a dumb question for you to ask, don't you think?

Super Bowl Party...

As we were on the way to an actual Super Bowl Party, we went by this sign right by our house...

Really? A Super Bowl Party put on by a bunch of realtors. Nice. How much of a loser do you have to be to end up at that? Unless they had build your own burgers. Wait...I bet they did have build your own burgers. They should have put that on the sign. I would have stopped by...

...And I almost spit my pop out...

I saved this clip for Alison to watch, because I pre-watch Tosh.0, American Dad, Family Guy and the Cleveland Show and then just show her any parts that I think are funny.

I was laughing so hard, I thought my insides were going to become outsides. She was not. From her reaction to this clip, I can probably just stop saving them for her.

Radar Detector...

So, I was gassing up the car at Costco (go cheaper gas...I'm taking that 2.40 to the BANK!), when I looked over at the car next to me. It was a minivan. What brand, I don't really know, but if you're curious about minivan brands, I don't really want to talk to you.

Anyway, as I said, I looked over at the minivan and noticed that they had a radar detector.

That's right.......a radar detector.

Who in the world are you needing a radar detector in a minivan? Who in the world are you, Andy Green out in Blackrock?

How about this...instead of a radar detector, you invest in not driving 25 miles an hour over the speed limit when your kids are sitting in the back of your minivan. Hmm? How about that. Yeah...that might be nice.

Spirit Airlines MUFF ad...

So, Petredis sends me this e-mail about the new MUFF plan for Spirit Airlines (thanks for the heads up):
Not to be confused with their less popular BOOB plan to solve checked baggage:

Bring
Only
One
Bag

Rear Windshield Wiper?

Why do SUV's have rear windshield wipers but you rarely see one on a car? I mean...I'd like to be able to clear the back in a seconds notice on my car. I think it's a form of discrimination. Seriously. I'm pretty sure I know what it feels like to be Renee Zelwegger now...

Dinner?

So, Alison and I were deciding where to go to dinner yesterday and the following conversation happened:

Brent: So, where do you want to go to dinner?
Alison: I thought we said Ruby Tuesday's?
Brent: Ruby Tuesday?!? More like Ruby TODAY!!
Alison: sighs
Alison: You're the worst.