Ridonk...

I don't know if anyone watched AG on Monday night, but in the second half, they had a dude with one leg on the show, which is all well and good. And it was a happy moment when he finished the eliminator, but seriously...

watching him go through some of those events was painful. There was just no chance of him flying up the net, or getting across the tight rope, or running down the barrel roll. Just crazy.

I'm happy for him, but I also doubt someone who is blind would do very well on the show. Basically, what I'm saying is, Jerry got a cheap win and I hope he loses next round...

Sidenote: Rocketball is SWEET!

One Republic ft. Timbaland - Call the Judge

I don't know if you've heard the song Apologize by One Republic ft. Timbaland, but every time I hear it, I hear the refrain wrong. The refrain goes like this:

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

And every time I hear it, I hear

It's too late to call the judge, it's too late
I said it's too late to call the judge, it's too late

You know, like on Law & Order: SVU, when they need to get a search warrant signed at night, and they don't want to go wake the judge up, because the judges hate getting woken up in the middle of the night. So, I just picture this for this song:

Ice T: Man, we need this search warrant signed now!
Kasey Novak: It's too late to call the judge,
Stabler: Then he's going to walk!
Kasey Novak: It's too late.
Olivia Benson: We need it right now!!!
Kasey Novak: I said it's too late to call the judge,
Det. Munch: Kasey, this murder is on you if we don't catch him.
Kasey Novak: It's too late.

I'm an idiot.

Baking Soda weirds me out...

Alison just bought a new box of baking soda and on the front, it says it's good for "baking, cleaning and deodorizing."

Seems to me, it shouldn't be possible to use the same product to make cookies and clean up cat puke.

But that might just be me. I'm a purist...

Don't act like you're not jealous...

Try to beat this:

BLOXORZ

Good, clean, fun, frustrating times. Good luck on level 27...

I think he meant "Softball Bats"

But I could be wrong. I sent the following to him:
-------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 07:19:41 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Brent Nelson"
Subject: Doftball bats-composite (south metro)
To: sale-671342834@craigslist.org

Would you consider a trade towards a Pii?
-------------------------------------------------------------
And then, I got this back...
-------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 07:31:07 -0700 (PDT)
From: "greg l"
Subject: Re: Doftball bats-composite (south metro)
To: "Brent Nelson"

What is a Pii ?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Followed closely by this...
-------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 07:49:53 -0700 (PDT)
From: "greg l"
Subject: Re: Doftball bats-composite (south metro)
To: "Brent Nelson"

Or is that sarcasm for doftball ?
-------------------------------------------------------------
HILARIOUS!

Lopsidey...

So, I go to get my hair cut and the following conversation happens:

Hairdresser: So, been awhile since you got your hair cut?
Brent: Yes.
Hairdresser: You're not very talkative.
Brent: Yes.
Awkward silence.
Hairdresser: So, did you know that your right ear is a tad lower than your left?
Awkward silence.
Brent: Actually, I did know that. The Bearded Lady and the Fat Man make fun of that all the time. And I always respond with, "Well, at least I don't love to eat bananas like Gorilla Boy over there!" And we laugh, and laugh, and laugh!
Hairdresser: Huh?
Brent: Because I'm in a freak show with the other freaks because of my lopsidey ear! It's painfully obvious, yet you had to be a D-Do and point it out. I didn't come to your chair to be ripped on. I also didn't come in and ask you if Mr. Ed was your dad.
Hairdresser: Huh?
Brent: Damn it! Because you look like an f'in horse! I swear I saw you in the Kentucky Derby! Didn't they have to put you down? Because your breath smells like death. It's pungent. It smells worse than hurl!
Hairdresser: Ummm...
Brent: Stuff it. Nelson...out.

And that was the end of that. At the end of the day, you probably really shouldn't tell someone if they look like a freak, unless it's something they can fix. Might want to look into that...

The Stolen Waterboy Theory...

So, How I Met Your Mother stole the Waterboy Theory last night. Except they used Jerry Maguire (blech!) to prove the point. Gross.

Now, it's painfully obvious that I should be writing for a network TV show, since apparently my ideas are gold. So, I'm thinking I'm going to write a script about a dog who speaks English, but is a little racist and he refuses to clean up his own mess. Oh yeah, he also has a rocket car and solves crimes. I think people would love that.

Or, I might just watch Hell's Kitchen. One of those...

Grossness...

OK, so I was cleaning out our shower, using the "magnificent" Mr. Clean Magic Reach. And that's when I noticed the drawing on the back of the package, which is also on the website:

OK, I don't know who in the world has a shower this dirty. But instead of reaching for Mr. Clean Magic Reach, you might want to reach out and discover the fact that you're a dirty slob and cleaning the shower is not going to change the fact that people turn the other way when they see you because of your repugnant aroma and your soiled underoos.

You sir, disgust me. You are nothing but a piece of crap. I find you extremely ugly. As I said before, you emit a foul and unpleasant odor. I loathe you...

Things I Hate Week - Day 5

You know what I really hate? People who drive cars. It doesn't matter who. You. Me. Not-gonna-turn-right-at-a-red-light-lady. Everyone.

I don't think there is anything more frustrating than following someone in the left lane of the interstate who is going 55 mph. And no amount of banging on my steering wheel and cursing at them through my windows will get them to move.

Why do people do that? Do they want to give me an ulcer? Because they are well on their way. I think you know who I'm talking about Wayzata-Soccer-Mom-Xterra.

I think it should be legal to nudge people like that. I should start a petition. But that seems like a lot of work...

And, apparently, my posts have fallen back into the murky gray area they had emerged from. Dang. Double dang.

Things I Hate Week - Day 4

Today, I'm going back to my old standby (and I know everyone feels the pain of this one); people who pay with checks at Target/grocery store/etc.

It's the same, no matter who it is...no one ever has the check all made out. It's like it's a surprise when the cashier tells them they need to pay:

"What? Oh, seven dollars? Jeez...you caught me off guard. Here, let me put my screaming toddler in the cart, set my purse down, pull out the checkbook, start to write out the check and attempt to block all the eye daggers being shot at me by my fellow customers."

Idiot. Get the net...