Pumpkins??

So, I'm at Target today, stocking up on various Target items, such as t-shirts, trail mix and a kayak when I saw something out of the ordinary. In the back of the store were two pins, stacked to the gills, with pumpkins for Halloween. It's September 9th!

How long does a flippin' pumpkin last once you cut it? Two weeks? Then it starts to liquify into a pool of it's own putrid innards? Wouldn't this be akin to buying a Christmas tree at the beginning of November? What kind of brain dead mountain person is going to walk their butt into Target on September 9th and buy a Halloween pumpkin?

This is going to be the same moron who's going to be in front of me in the Target return line in three weeks with his sack of liquified pumpkin remains, wondering if he can get a refund because his pumpkin didn't make it until Halloween. How about you just come up to me, I'll punch you in liver and take your 5 bucks and we can call it a day?

Mountain people; the human Opossum.