New Blog fools - and Scattered Eggs

I have been sub par on my updates to the blog. For my various fans and allies, I apologize. While I'd like to blame my strenuous sex life, exotic night life and sheer amount of things going on in my life, I can't. I basically have to chalk it up to pure and utter laziness. I've turned laziness into a new artform and people are starting to call me DaVinci. Which utterly rocks...and/or rolls. Like Snapple.

So, anyhoo, I have started a fantasy sports advice site. It can be found at rotocop.blogspot.com. See, I call myself the Roto Cop. It's like Robo Cop...but not. So lame. So lame indeed. I feel like my right arm when I sleep on it; lame and useless. But I will offer sage advice there and would like people to feel free to ask questions, make fun of me and generally enjoy themselves. Like Snapple.

The Sports Guy is finally coming out with a book. I have been anticipating this for quite awhile, then I heard what it was. It's him stringing together 50 of his columns about the Red Sox. Are you firkin' kidding me? First of all, I pretty much want to rip my fingernails off everytime he writes a column about the Red Sox and now there's a whole book? Cripes! Why didn't he just throw together a bunch of his reader mail and make that a book? Ooops...I probably stole his next idea. (For the record...I will still get the book and probably enjoy it...but I was a bit disappointed.)

I hate Lacey on The Real World. She's such a joke. Two thumbs for Danny on calling her on being that seterotypical person who bucks music just because it's popular (I sometimes do the same thing). Too bad he didn't do it to her face. He's exactly like me; except he has a hot girl fawning all over him and is on TV. Otherwise, we're like Siamese Twins born to different mothers. Like on Perfect Strangers.

So, I like Prison Break. Duh. I knew I would. Now, of course, there's people complaining that it's not realistic. Who cares? It's not a flippin' documentary. Seriously, if you want realistic, go rob a liquor store at gunpoint and spend the next 5-10 in a cell. That will be the realism for you. I'll take full body tattoos, sneaky hot girls and cell phones made of soap. Kick it...

I was walking around the lake at my new house today and the whole thing was covered by either pond scum, algae or the Toxic Avenger in liquified form. I prefer to think it's the Toxic Avenger...mostly for selfish reasons.

Apparently, Duluth turns me into the make-out king. 2 for 2 this summer, so rock it and roll it people. Were the girls hot? Ummm...well, short answer short...no. Did I care at the time? Not one bit. Do I care now...well, besides the fact that Carla probably thinks less of me than Shawn Kemp, I really don't. See, I've ruined any chance of Carla hooking me up with any of her friends I would suppose. But that's the way it goes when you go to drink pitchers of long island iced tea. Butt happens. Deal.

If I ever get shot, I hop it's a glancing blow off the elbow. Just seems like the safest place to me. Can't be sure though.

I know someone who complained about how mad he was he was forced to watch hurrican coverage instead of Friends, Seinfeld or The Simpsons. I can't tell you how bad I felt for this person, not getting to watch what he wanted and having to watch all these people lose their homes and...um...lives. Actually, I was watching The King of Queens, so I'm totally not one to judge. I'm coming Emilio.

I never want to see another Kevin Costner movie again in my life. I've had enough. Can't he just retire and leave us all in peace?

My goal is to bench 315 lbs. by February. Right now, I'm at 265 lbs. It can be done. We'll see.

If anyone is interested in specific lifting or diet advice, feel free to contact me. I am setting up personal diet programs for $50 set-up and then $20/month maintenance fee. I will do the same for a lifting program. If you combine the diet and lifting programs, I will cut it to $75 set-up and $30/month maintenance fee. Feel free to ask about the friend benefit, which offers reduced rates to folks I consider friends. Spread the word.

I hope to update more often...and will try to be funnier than I have been today. I think I'm broken. On a scale of 1 to sucking, this was like a 6. Sorry.

Till next time...