The Gift...

"I can't believe you broke the ornament? Why the hell did you get them a sand dollar anyway?" Jillian yelled at me as we drove to my uncle's house.

"Umm...HE'S FROM IRAN, DUH!!" I yelled back.

"What in the hell does that mean? You're retarded!"

"I'm retarded? Did you hear that, she thinks I'm retarded. I'm retarded? Oh yeah, well......SHUT UP!!"

"That is the lamest thing I've ever heard. OK, we need to calm down. What's open on Christmas?"

"Ummm...Kvotzki's Deli?"

"I hate you."

"OK, let's see if we can stop in the Quick-O Mart."

"Do you really think they'll have a gift there? What are you going to get him; jerky and a 48 oz. cola?"

"Maybe they'll have sand dollars in there?"

"Get off your stupid sand dollar horse and get in the actual gift mode. You cheap bastard."

"HE'S FROM IRAN!!"

"Don't they have enough sand over there Hawking?"

"It'll remind him of home. I don't care, the gift is a sand dollar and if Jonny Giftman at Quick-O Mart doesn't have another sand dollar, I'm getting some Kra-Zee glue and putting that bitch back together."

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Next to you getting him a sand dollar because he's from Iran."

I pulled the car to a fast stop and went into the Quick-O Mart. Luckily, they did have a tube of Kra-Zee glue. I purchased it and came back to the car.

"See...Kra-Zee glue. Akmed is going to love it!" I said vicotiously.

"So, you just going to glue it together?"

"Umm...no, smart ass. I'm going to make Akmed glue it together himself."

"WHAT? You're going to give him a broken sand dollar...and a tube of Kra-Zee glue?"

"Yep. He'll love it. It'll be the three things Iranians love most: Sand, Puzzles and Glue."

"You are retarded."

*Thanks to The Vance for the virtual premise of this story. Keep fighting the good fight.*