Last Saturday, I heard someone say the dumbest thing I've ever heard in life. IN LIFE! Some woman at LifeTime was walking past a trainer and commented to her that she wasn't dressed up. The trainer replied, "I guess I should have weared costume." Weared?Is she Scottish? Moron.
There's something about a 60-year old woman wearing a Playboy shirt that makes you instantly contract gonorrhea.
Apparently, when I drink, I think it is hilarious to yell "Hoo-ray for School!" and "Hoo-ray for Sports!" constantly throughout the night. Yeah, that's funny. Big time funny. That's Carrot Top funny right there!
Did anyone else who got that KA decal from the National Office instantly put it through the paper shredder? And how in the world do they keep finding me? It's like the Shadow is secretly a mole working for Holakhjnjjkijher and crew.
Have you ever seen the ugliest person in the world working out? And then, they're straining to do a lift, so they do the official "Fred Flinstone on the Rock Pile" face? Then, did your soul instantly turn to Jell-O and you seriously contemplated giving them a plastic bag? Or is that just me?
They say 50% of marriages end in divorce. But that's only true half the time.
I wish I wasn't DA absolute BOMB at adding, because I'd like to give others a chance.
I was at the movies last night (No, not alone. I was there...with a girl) and there was some creepy old couple. The dude was sitting there and all the sudden the lady laid down and put her head in his lap. About five minutes later, the guy put his hands behind his head and leaned back. Imagination, you're on...
Devo drank a pitcher of Long Island Iced Tea in 16 minutes on Saturday, breaking Dan's seemingly unbreakable land speed record of 20 minutes. Nothing funny there, just impressive. In a related note, Devo smashed his head on a dryer doing the three-point stance. Would have been funny if I weren't too busy yelling.
I did 315 on the floor press today. Nothing funny, just happy.
I'm just saying, when a girl you like asks you to spend the night, you might want to do that. For future reference. Put it in the back pocket...in case it happens...again!
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Whoa on that last one there. "You BLEWWWWW it."(In De Niro's voice) I can hear him whispering, well yelling it in my head, but for the love of gawd can't remember from where.
Where the Fuck is this from? I hate when this happen. I might go crazy...probably won't get much work done the rest of the day now.
Maybe I'll jump out the window and end the agony, its only the 3rd floor....
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