So sorry...

Now, I know I have ones of followers who expect moderately clever things from me, possibly on a daily basis.

However, I will be out of town for the next week and there is a very good likelihood that there will not be updates. But, after that, I'll be back in whatever kind of force I was in before...

Movie preview...

So, Alison and I were at the movies and we saw a preview for the Clint Eastwood movie, Gran Torino, and had the following conversation.

Brent: Hey, does Clint Eastwood die in that movie?
Alison: I don't know.
Brent: Because it really looks like he's going to die...

Idiot...

So, it snowed here about 6 inches a couple days ago. And we have a moron who plows our street (apparently, Waterstone doesn't pay all that well).

What he decided to do was create a nice speed bump, disguised as a snow drift. Allow me to elaborate...

As you can see, first he plowed everything one way. Then, he plowed it the other way. Then, it was all plowed into a big speed ramp thing, disguised as a snow drift that you can drive through. Then, Brent tried to drive Alison's new car through the drift and went airborne...and new car values flashed before his eyes...

Lame. Merry Christmas Eve all...you're welcome Sikes...

Being a CSI is easy...

So, I get this e-mail inviting me to become a CSI.

Man, if it's as easy as checking the "solved" beaker, you might as well have a monkey (or a really smart dolphin) be your CSI...

Weird...

So, we're at Target yesterday and I see three teenage kids walking around, no cart or anything, and one of them is holding a tall wooden stool, like you'd set at a bar. But just one of them has one. The other two don't have anything.

Which leads one to ask, 'how did this come to be?'

Do you think it went like this:

Kid A: Hey dude, what are you up to?
Kid B: Nada
Kid C: Nichts (sidenote: I assume Kid C is German. Don't know why. Just a hunch)
Kid A: Want to go to Target? I have to pick up a stool for my mom.
Kid B: Aw snap. You said stool!
Kid C: Herrlich!
Kid A: Come on...let's go...

And that's how they ended up there? Or do you think it was more of a spur of the moment stool purchase?

Man, if I enjoyed people at all, I would have found this out from them...

My "modeling" debut!

As many of you know, I had a photo shoot with Lifetime Fitness about a year ago. Well, I occasionally check their website to see if any of my pictures made it. And today...one did! Kind of.

Here it is:

I know, I know. Pretty disappointing. They took about half of the pictures like that and the other half we were both facing the camera. Apparently, they didn't want my smoldering good looks to detract from the health shake that's near Wade's arm.

Regardless...still very exciting...for me. Hopefully more will pop up...

Apparently 80 year old women love Facebook...

Now, if only I can find the Murder She Wrote and Butterscotch Hard Candy fanpages...

So...

we traded in the Grand Prix and got a Murano. Not the point of the story. The salesman was looking at my car, trying to put the info down on the trade-in sheet and asks the following:

Salesman: The Grand Prix is green, right?
Brent: Yes
Salesman: I thought so. I couldn't really tell though. I was rubbing all the dirt and grime and...
Brent: Yeah, I'm a little behind on washing it
Salesman: and salt, and sludge, and mung...
Brent: Wow
Salesman: and bits of panther, and crap, and blech...
Brent: You done yet?
Salesman: and burnt hair and hurl off of it. I just wanted to make sure that that dirty pile out there actually is green.
Brent: Yep. Forest green, I believe.
Salesman: Excellent!

And so on. Regardless, we got an awesome deal on the trade-in. We got $1,455 over the Edmunds.com True Market Value for a trade-in. We almost got what's listed as the dealer retail. Zowie!

So, I'm being recruited...

I look in my e-mail today and what do I have? The following e-mail:




Looks like they want me to come and design old school Super Nintendo (or SNES, as they say in the "biz") games for them, judging by the controller. I'd be lying if I said that I was not intrigued...

Gross

So, all night last night, I could hear the wind. It was very strong. And I knew it was supposed to be cold out today. Cold and wind...not a good combo. So, a quick look at weather.com and I get this...

The HIGH is negative 6. HIGH!! Ahhhh...barf...

The Grand Prix has had it...

It's a sad day...Alison and I have decided to get rid of the Grand Prix. I know, I know. It's a great car, why would you get rid of it, you ask. Well, mostly, it involves it's ability to stall when you start moving...sometimes. So, you never know if it's going to stall or not. Which is fun. It's like a game. A lame game, like parcheesi, but a game nonetheless.

So, we're looking for a new used car. And we're split on what to get. Alison wants a Pacifica but I feel it looks too much like a station wagon, except it doesn't have the sweet rear-facing seat. I want an Endeavor, but the one we were going to test drive sold in between when I set up the appointment and yesterday morning.

So, moral of the story is, does anyone know how to install a rear-facing seat in a Pacifica?

TiVo reflex...

I was watching Burn Notice on DVD the other day, when the strangest thing happened...

Since it's a TV show, it got to the point where it would be a commercial and...I grabbed the remote to fast forward through the commercial. But, since it's a DVD, it doesn't have a commercial. But my reflex is to grab the remote and fast forward anyway.

And it happened every time, even though I knew it wasn't TiVo.

Man...TiVo has me so conditioned...I'll do anything he says. Anything!

And I have a closet full of Bounty to prove it!

Facebook listens to me...

I just saw the new ad on Facebook (here's my blog about the old one)...

Apparently Micheal Scott was wrong...you can't call people retarded...

And I need to make sure I use my blog for good and not evil, since I, personally, can control the advertising of a huge company such as Facebook...

Special occasion?

Due to unforeseen weather, Alison and I had to eat dinner at the Macaroni Grill on Friday. I know, I know...not the best place in the world, but at least it's not Olive Garden.

Anyway, here's the conversation we had with our waitress to get us started. Everything went downhill from here...

Waitress: Hi, welcome to the Macaroni Grill!
Alison: Thanks.
Waitress: Are you guys out celebrating a special occasion tonight?
Brent (looks sideways at Alison with a "can you believe this?" look)
Brent: Ummm...no. We're at...the Macaroni Grill.
Waitress: Oh, I see. So, just out for a nice evening out?
Brent: Ummm...no. We're at...the (shudders)...Macaroni Grill.

EW be STEALIN!

OK, so, I wrote my According to Jim blog a couple days ago. Then, I go and start reading Entertainment Weekly and I see the following:



Now it's not only Family Guy and How I Met Your Mother that are stealing from me. Even the print media is. Get outta my brain Gorblar!

New Mug, courtesy of Sikes

So, apparently, Mr. Sikes has tons of time on his hands and he's been sending me different ideas for Christmas presents for people. There was the "Beard Cap" as you can see to the right, from the Scandinavian Grace store.

As you can imagine, a treasure like this is not cheap, but this one is $135.00. I have to assume that's in Scandi's (which are the Scandinavian equivalent of Schrute Bucks). Anyway, unless that thing is made of Lion's heart and flaked with gold, I ain't buying it.

But the one that he sent that really caught my eye is the the coffee cup with Brass Knuckles as the handle, that you can see on the left. I mean, who wouldn't want this?

But I believe it can be improved upon, or at least have a full collection that people can buy and use to creep out houseguests (assuming they ever have houseguests; I do not).

So, let's explore the studio space with this a bit and think of what else we can use on mugs. Here are three ideas:

A) Put a loaded gun as the handle, so people know you mean business
2) Put some nun chucks as the handle, because ninjas are fascinating and a conversation starter
D) Have them drink out of a cannon

I'm quite positive all of my ideas will sell as well as that $98.00 Brass Knuckle mug. Now, if we can only find operating room outside of the Dickie division of FFS, I'll be set...

Can you even say this anymore?

So, I'm playing Word Twist (I use playing loosely...James has been destroying me...I don't even know why I play him anymore...) and I see the following "ad" on the top:

Are you even allowed to call people retarded anymore?

I guess we'll have to go to the expert, Michael Scott:

You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded.

I stand corrected. Carry on Facebook!

Prepare to be SHOCKED!!

OK, so I was going through the TV guide (not TV Guide...the guide, through TiVo on my TV...don't get it twisted), trying to see if there were any shows on that I wanted to record.

So, I'm looking at 8 pm on Tuesday and I see The Mentalist is on (already recording it) and then I see that According to Jim is on at 8 pm too.

I thought that was weird. Why are they showing old re-runs of According to Jim in primetime. So, I clicked on it for more information. And it's a NEW EPISODE!!

This blows my mind!!! Did anyone know this? They're making NEW episodes of According to Jim? I thought that show went off the air three years ago. Did they pull a Family Guy and resurrect it? Does anyone watch it? This is astounding to me.

So, I had to take the time to look up the Nielsen Ratings for According to Jim, since I don't believe anyone watches it. Now, this is a difficult task. I'll have to believe Wikipedia when they say last season, it was the #143 ranked show. Which seems about right, since CAVEMEN was the #107 ranked show for that time.

CAVEMEN!! You're worse than Cavemen and still on TV. I hate you TV execs...

Ugly Sweater...

So, Dan and Melinda are having their traditional "Ugly Sweater Christmas Party" in a couple of weeks and I've been scouring the internet (did you know they're putting the internet on computers now?), trying to find the ugliest (and cheapest...lest you forget who I am) sweaters to wear.

I have now found and bought one for Alison and one for me. They're both bad, but I think mine is worse. I don't want to spoil the surprise for anyone who will be attending the party and who also reads this blog (Devo) but I have two words for all the rest of you: shoulder pads.

Think about it. Think about it.