Prepare to be SHOCKED!!

OK, so I was going through the TV guide (not TV Guide...the guide, through TiVo on my TV...don't get it twisted), trying to see if there were any shows on that I wanted to record.

So, I'm looking at 8 pm on Tuesday and I see The Mentalist is on (already recording it) and then I see that According to Jim is on at 8 pm too.

I thought that was weird. Why are they showing old re-runs of According to Jim in primetime. So, I clicked on it for more information. And it's a NEW EPISODE!!

This blows my mind!!! Did anyone know this? They're making NEW episodes of According to Jim? I thought that show went off the air three years ago. Did they pull a Family Guy and resurrect it? Does anyone watch it? This is astounding to me.

So, I had to take the time to look up the Nielsen Ratings for According to Jim, since I don't believe anyone watches it. Now, this is a difficult task. I'll have to believe Wikipedia when they say last season, it was the #143 ranked show. Which seems about right, since CAVEMEN was the #107 ranked show for that time.

CAVEMEN!! You're worse than Cavemen and still on TV. I hate you TV execs...

Ugly Sweater...

So, Dan and Melinda are having their traditional "Ugly Sweater Christmas Party" in a couple of weeks and I've been scouring the internet (did you know they're putting the internet on computers now?), trying to find the ugliest (and cheapest...lest you forget who I am) sweaters to wear.

I have now found and bought one for Alison and one for me. They're both bad, but I think mine is worse. I don't want to spoil the surprise for anyone who will be attending the party and who also reads this blog (Devo) but I have two words for all the rest of you: shoulder pads.

Think about it. Think about it.

Parakeeting...

So, Kallie (one of our cats) is super annoying almost all the time. She walks around, making weird cat noises and generally making me want to destroy her.

But I have found a way to solve this problem. When she's being super annoying, I just parakeet her, which means I take a blanket and drop it on top of her so she thinks it's night. Next thing you know, she shuts up and rests.

I know this shouldn't work since cats are "supposed" to sleep about 20 hours a day and it might just be a coincidence. However, since I believe it works...it does.

They got me...

So, about a year ago, Alison and I started using the Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower cleaner to clean the shower. It's a decent product for someone too lazy to use a squirt bottle and spray the shower down.

Well, now I'm hooked on it. And, the big issue is, it's very temperamental. It works about half the time. Sometimes. I've tried changing batteries, letting it dry out, reading it soothing poetry; nothing works.

Now, I probably have to buy a new one. I realize it's only 15 dollars, but it's still 15 dollars. So, which is going to win out? My cheapness or my laziness?

Mmhh?

Answer...BOTH! I'm just going to wait for a coupon and then buy it. The best of both worlds! I am so smrt...S-M-R-T...I mean S-M-A-R-T.

Idiots...

So, every time I go to Green Mill, I bring the following coupon that I print off the web:

Notice on there it says : No Photocopies please


Wow. Wow.

You've done me wrong TiVo...

So, I'm looking at TiVo and it has this ad that is for "Fun Thanksgiving Activities". I decide to click on it and see if there's anything that would be fun for Alison's class. And I get this:

I know of NO kid, not one, not ever, who would think a "Fun Thanksgiving Activity" is getting a $1 coupon and buying Bounty.

Not one...not ever...

The Ham spot...

Now, I went to order The Ham (yes, ham is capitalized in the first place, because it's a proper noun, but it's not in the explanation...don't front) from the ham spot (get your mind out of the gutter Petredis (you may or may not notice that dedicated followers of the blog can identify themselves as followers now to the right and are much more likely to be mentioned in said blog)) and they had this message:

I'm sorry, C&G Ham and deli is no longer in business. Thank you for your years of service.

Dang it! I order a ham once a year...maybe. And this is the place I go. It's the Ham Spot. Now I have to go find a new freakin' place to order my ham from. And I'm going to go in blind. I have no idea what kind of ham I will be getting and it could not be moist enough (shut up Sikes), which would ruin the holiday.

Man...I just can't imagine a place going out of business that sells stuff three days a year. I'm shocked.

Whelp...off to the magnet store...

Faty?

So, Sikes sends me an e-mail about the AdSense ad I had. I clicked on it to see what he was talking about.

Now, a couple of things strike me as odd with this ad (that they're driving people towards). They both involve the same item, since I couldn't get past there. This is the item (or the "before" picture):

1) I went to save the picture and the name of the picture that they had it saved as is "Faty". That's awesome. I mean, it would have been cooler had they spelled Fatty correctly, but it's nice that they label the picture with what they believe it represents: a large chick who can't spell or Al Gore.

2) Don't act like you don't save your old shoe laces to tie your jeans together when they don't quite fit anymore. You're not fooling anyone liar...

Only $10.99??

So, apparently I'm an idiot. Or idiota, as they say in Spanish. Or maybe that's Spanish for a female idiot. Whatever. I'm easily tricked.

We were out driving and we went by a Space Aliens restaurant (and, amazingly, were not pulled in by their tractor beams) and I noticed their billboard out front.

"All you can eat rib dinner, ONLY $10.99, every Wednesday"

Which got me to thinking, couldn't you just put "only" in front of any price and it makes it seem cheap? I have no idea how much an all you can eat rib dinner should cost, but it seems to me that "only $10.99" is a steal.

However, they could have said "only $17.99" and I would have thought that was a good deal.

Why don't people do this for everything?

BRAND NEW FORD RANGER, ONLY $48,000!!!!!
BATTERIES, ONLY $12.00 FOR 3!!!!!
FOAM MESH TRUCKER HATS, ONLY $370.00!!!!!!!!

I figured adding the exclamation points was quite dashing. And makes it seem like even a better deal than having the only. Man, I'm like a marketing genius...or geniusa, as they'd say in Spanish...

She doesn't even know me...

So, I'm checking my e-mail and this ad pops up...

Hey, creepster, your fly-by-night credit card is of no interest to me. I would rather use a Discover card than your credit card. I would rather eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken than ever, ever apply for your credit card...