How do you know if you're a tool?

People often ask me, "Brent, how can I tell if I'm a tool."

Typically, I'd respond, "If you have to ask, then you know you are douche," followed by me giving them the wink-and-the-gun.

But homey ain't gonna play that today. So, first off, that's a great question, for a tool. Second off, it's obvious you're an idiot. But that really doesn't matter right now. So go back to your rice Chex and listen to the knowledge.

You were asking how to tell if you are a tool.

I'm sure there are tons of different ways, but I've discovered one for a fact the other night.

You are a tool if you:

Sit on a bench by Lake Minnetonka
by yourself
with your guitar
playing songs you made up
while no one is near you
really loudly

Yep, you meet all those you're definitely a tool. And if someone yells at you, "Keep a rockin' John Mayer" that's another sure sign you're a tool....