Desert Island

I’ve been stranded on a deserted island. Unfortunately, I will never be rescued and I will have to spend the rest of my days trapped there, hunting mongoose and eating coconuts fresh off the trees.

Luckily, before I was stranded there, I was allowed the luxury of one celebrity to accompany me for my journey. And, through my political connections, I’m allowed to pick anyone and they have to join me, under threat of guillotine. Needless to say, option A is at least 5 times better.

The toughest part of the whole journey, besides deciding what to wear for the rest of eternity, was deciding which celebrity to pick.

Now, an obvious call would be to pick Katie Holmes, or someone hot like that. The downside of that is that she’ll probably get bored of me and end up trying to swim off the island and getting eaten by sharks.

Another option would be to pick someone who can help me with the hunting and gathering. This would be someone like the Crocodile Hunter. I think eventually I would get bored of his accent and he seems a little too clingy for my taste. I think after a couple of days, I would want to go Carrie on him and drench him in pig blood. And that situation wouldn’t be beneficial to either of us.

No, after much deliberation, I have found the perfect celebrity to stay with me for the rest of eternity. This is someone I would get along with and I would probably end up being Screech Powers to his Zack Morris. I, of course, am talking about Mr. Keanu Reeves.

The first conversation would probably go something like this…

Brent: Keanu, man you are the greatest. Point Break kicked ass!

Keanu: I hate you for making me come here.

Brent: I loved you in Bill and Ted:

Keanu: I hope you die.

Brent: Dude, why didn’t you do Speed 2? I loved Speed!

Keanu: They didn’t offer me enough money.

Brent: Oh.

Brent looks around. He toes the sand a little. He looks up at the sky and covers his eyes from the brutal sun.

Brent: Man, it sure is hot here.

I’m sure we’d find out we have other stuff in common over the years. He probably likes to play Domino’s and compliment me, which is everything I want in an island companion. Oh…the fun we will have!