Ugliest car alive...

So, I'm in the Target parking lot and I see what has to be the ugliest car I've ever witnessed. It looked like a cross between a Scion (sorry James) and the Jetsonmobile. I present, for your horror, the Nissan Cube:

Seriously, look at that monstrosity. Gross. And what kind of Trekkie engineer thought it was a good idea to put some Geordi La Forge glasses on this thing?

I can't even describe how much awfuller (yeah, it's so ugly, I'm making up words to describe it) it looks in person. It's like Castro barfed and they put it on wheels. Who would buy this? Who? GROSS!!!

TiVo done done me wrong...

So, as we all know, Alison and I are watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

We'd been waiting for TiVo to record the two part (because one part can't contain all the drama!) reunion special. And waiting. And waiting.

Finally, I decided to look it up and see what the deal was. Turns out our season pass is for The Real Housewives of New Jersey. The reunion special had a different name: The Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion Special Part 1. As you can guess, the second part had it's own unique name too.

Why in the world would you change the name and eff up everyone's season pass? It's like when The Bachelor changed the name to The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman for one season and we missed the first two episodes. Why would you do that?

C'mon TiVo! Be intuitive! If the label is that close, record it for me. I won't be mad. Worse case, I delete it. No harm, no foul.

But at least I won't miss my precious reunion shows.

*sidenote* The reunion special was way overhyped and it was, all in all, pretty boring.

More Target eavesdropping...

So, again, I'm in Target, and hearing snippets of conversations as I trudge down every aisle, trying not to yell at people who have stopped their cart in the middle so no one can get by, when I hear this:

Have you heard of that show, um, Seinfeld? There's this fat loser guy named George and...

I had to keep walking at that time before my face exploded. Nope, I've never heard of this Seinfeld you speak of. Perhaps tomorrow you can enlighten me on cars...

Morons in line at Target...

So, Alison and I are in line at Target and the cashier tells us, "This is going to be awhile."

Turns out, the two moronic High School Musical wannabe chicks just can't add. They had $60 between them and guess what their bill came to.

Guess.

$91.22!!!!

They missed by over half of what they had! They missed by over $30! How can you not count that out? Seriously...are you that dumb?

Then, the cashier starts taking stuff out of the bags, to figure out what they're going to put back. First two items...two huge beach towels. Nope...they needed those.

3rd through 12th items...10 packs of gum!!!

10 packs of gum? Really? REALLY?? I mean, come on, you know you don't have that much money, maybe you can get, oh I don't know, 1 pack of gum. Or maybe two, so then you'll have more packs of gum than brains between the two of you.

Now, I don't know if this is just me being Grandpa Brent (Back in my day...people could actually count) or if these two were really that dumb. I have to believe that they were really that stupid.

It's come to this...

This last weekend, I watched a show on the History Channel about old Asian weapons and how good they actually were (like the Staff, etc.).

Really Summer TV, put something on. I mean, sure, I'm still going to watch, but if you're not careful, I may knock my TV time down from 8 hours a day. You wouldn't like that, I'm sure...

Curling Iron Warning?

So, I'm in the bathroom and I notice Alison's curling iron and it has the following warning on it:

Unfortunately, it didn't mention anything about ears and now I'm going to be deaf for a week...

Who's the Boss?

If you've been watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey (yes Sikes, I'm talking to you), then you obviously know who the boss is, right? Right?

That's right...it's MONA!!!

Bartering?

So, I have this CD for sale on Amazon. It's list price is $99.98.

So, I get the following e-mail:

Is this the Re-Release or 1st Press??Could you lower the prcie to $25??

And I have to respond with this:

It's the first press. And, I assume you mean price, not prcie. If so, I cannot lower the price to $25. However, I know of a gift card you can buy for UPULLRPARTS that you might be interested in...

Target Time!

So, I'm walking out of Target when 5 team members were walking in (apparently, they don't know the difference between an in-door and an out-door and I got swept up in their wrong way wave). I caught this snippet of their "conversation":

Employee A: Yeah, I guess.
Employee B: Well, it really depends on what kind of Windex they used.
All the rest of the employees nod their heads furiously, like Employee B just split the atom.

I plan to go back there tomorrow to hear their follow up conversation:

Ammonia: The Silent Cleaner

Geico Cavemen?

So, I'm zipping through the commercials in Charm School (you go Ricki Lake) yesterday when one of them caught my eye.

Yep...Geiko has brought those annoying, unfunny cavemen back. Or maybe they've never left, I'm not sure.

All I know is...come on. I thought we were done with this blatant rip off of Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer (RIP) after their TV show (TV SHOW!!!) got cancelled mid-way through season 1...in 2007!

But apparently, I was wrong.

Now, I'm no ad-wizard (I'm a Brent), but perhaps, just maybe, if people have been annoyed by this "phenomenon" since (I'm guessing) 2005, why are they making new commercials for them? WHY?

And why aren't they as clever as this?

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer @ Yahoo! Video

SPF 70??

Hmmm...spf 70, eh? If I'm going to use that to go outside, I may as well stay inside, in my basement, with the lights off, in a judicial robe, covered by a trashbag, under a bean bag chair, with tin foil duct taped to the windows. Excellent...

Mmmm...Vinyl Air!

Other brand names not featured in the ad: Spandex, Purple, Magellan.

Nice sweater old dude...

Yeah right...

Don't think so...I've gotten my butt handed to me one too many times by 4 year olds...I'm not going to pay to have it happen. If they only had an infant class...

Pontiac Aztec

So, I was leaving Cub yesterday morning and there was a guy in the parking lot, loading his bags into his Pontiac Aztec.

He looked embarrassed to be driving an Aztec.

Rightfully so.

I didn't look right at him, because I figure he gets enough shame driving around in that ridiculous contraption.

Donuts?

So, I'm walking into Target the other day and this guy and his (I'm assuming) grandson are walking out of Target. And I hear the guy go:

Don't worry, I got the donuts.

Oh, I forgot to mention that this guy weighed about 3,000 pounds.

Well played donut man. Well played.

SAFETY is MY goal - bumper sticker

So, I'm out driving, minding my own business, listening to some Haystak, when I see a bumper sticker on the car in front of me (and of course, I always read them, because apparently I'm a yokel):


Yeah...great. Wow...that's quite a good goal. I mean, that's not the goal of everyone when they're driving. Nooooo, not at all. I've numerous of these bumper stickers out there:

Because who doesn't like to get in an accident?

But wouldn't it be strange if people actually had to put their goals on their bumper stickers? I mean, it would make it a ton easier to figure out who the bad guys were:

And also, it would make it easy to find out who the idiots are:

I like it. No way I'm sitting behind Aardvark chick at a red light. I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know she's in a vehicle...

Octomom? Octumom?

Apparently, they've started calling the Octo-mom the Octu-mom. It just appeared one day. Now, I keep pretty on top of my "celebrity" news and I'd never heard this. So, I had to make sure if Alison had heard about it:

Brent: When in the world did it become the Octu-mom as opposed to the Octo-mom? Did I miss that memo? Shouldn't that have been publicised somewhere?
Alison: I was not aware of that change either!
Brent: And we watch a lot of TV! I'm sad this snuck by us...unless they just changed it today. I wonder if I can figure out when they changed it...
Alison: You would have thought you'd be the first to know!
Brent: Apparently, Best Week Ever and the Soup have failed me. Paul F. Thompkins and Joel McHale...a plague on both your houses...

Heidi Pratt will be Brittaney Starr!

So, I've immersed my self in VH1's Charm School 3 (because I'm a nerd...and hey, I've watched all the Rock of Love's...I might want to know what the "ladies" are up to) and I've come to a startling realization (as you can see by the title):

In the future, Heidi Pratt (to the right here) will be Brittaney Starr! (That's Brittaney to the left here).

I know what you're thinking; of course she's going to be Brittaney because Heidi is going to start doing porn very soon, if she hasn't already done it to further her "career".

No, that's not what I'm talking about at all. And I'm not talking about the absolute insanity that is Brittaney Starr either. Sure, Heidi Pratt now wants to be referred to as just Heidi (like Cher or Madonna...though I think she'll end up looking more like Rosanne or ElephantMan (after her 8,000th surgery) if we're just picking one name for her), which is crazy enough.

But really, what I'm talking about is they look like twins. I didn't see it at first either. I was too busy noticing that Ashley looks just like Sluttier Juliette Lewis to notice.

But, now that I have noticed, I think it will be fun to follow both of their careers from this point forward. I've created a graph on how I think it will go...enjoy!

Stuffed Crust Pizza

Now, as we all know, stuffed crust pizza is the best kind of crust on pizza. I don't think we have to debate that.

What we need to debate is why is it so freaking hard to get a stuffed crust pizza anymore? If you want one, you either have to go to Pizza Hut (gross) or buy a Digiorninsdfkanknsdkno's (or however you spell it) pizza for $8.99.

Why did Little Caesar's stop making the stuffed crust? They had the best stuffed crust back when Alanis Morisette first came onto the "scene" (and yes, I'm talking about the "scene" at BYU).

Why doesn't Papa Murph's (yeah...I cut off the y on Murphy, saving time, what, wanna fight about it?) make a stuffed crust? Or anywhere else?

Snart...

Fergie has manhands? Or is it man hands?

I was looking through US Weekly and saw a picture of Fergie. Maybe I'm seeing things, but it seems like that chick has some definite mitts on her person...


I'm not sure if they're manhands, or man hands, but either way, there's no way that "chick" needs a bottle opener...

Chair Mat

So, I just got a new chair mat for my "office" because the last one we got cracked. And I was at Costco and I saw one reasonable priced and it said it had a crack-free warranty.


Then, I got home, fired up the internet (on my computer!) and checked out the warranty.

Yep, $20 for shipping and handling to get a new mat. I paid $21.79 for it at Costco. Don't think I'll be wasting my time filling out the warranty.

Thanks E.S. Robbins ChairMATS. Thanks for your nothing "warranty"...

Phone books...

So, our phone books got delivered today. Does anyone still use phone books? Is there any way I can work out a deal with the phone book delivery people to just put them straight into my recycle bin and cut out the middle operation of me taking them from my front step and putting them in recycling?

That may be my platform when I run for Maple Grove City Council...

Vote Nelson; Vote No Phone Books.