So, I'm an idiot...

Alison and I were at Target last night and I was all cranky (which is weird, because I'd had my snack) and in my haste, I accidentally grabbed a 12 pack of REGULAR caffeine free Pepsi, as opposed to DIET.

Now, I haven't drank regular pop since they got rid of Surge (me and you Tony P, me and you) so I'm not sure what to do with it. Can I return it? I mean, I have the receipt, but isn't that strange to return a food item? I know it's not like returning an apple (we also bought apples and I got the right kind of those...well, not the right kind, because Granny Smith is the right kind, I got the kind that Alison likes, which is not Granny Smith, which makes it wrong, but right in her mind...ya feel?) but it still feels strange.

And I don't want to get laughed at by the Target folk (anymore than they currently laugh at me)...

I think I'll try it, but if I have to run home in shame, I'm just going to pretend it never happened...

Operation Repo

Okay, so I was kind of digging this "reality" show called Operation Repo on TruTV. Shows cameras following guys as they repossess cars. Kind of interesting...

Except it's not real. Now, it's apparently just my fast TiVo hand and never watching the beginning that I didn't realize this, but they have a disclaimer that says these are re-creations.

Why? Why? Why can't they just get a camera team to go out and follow a repossession crew and actually make the show, instead of recreating events. I don't think I'm going to watch it anymore...

Actually, I probably will...

The Forgotten Network Badge...

Well, I thought about it and if Christian Slater isn't going to make a badge for them to use, I will. They can just print this off, trace it on an old cereal box and then glue it onto said box. Presto...instant credibility!

Notice the confused looking man...like he's "forgotten" something. If any other secret societies need me to make badges for them, I come cheap. Very cheap.

The Forgotten

So, Alison and I have been watching The Forgotten with Christian Slater. It's okay...whatever. It's pretty similar to Cold Case, you know, back when Cold Case wasn't terrible.

It's not about cops, and that's where we get the rub. These people are volunteers at The Forgotten Network, where they use their spare time to help the police identify individuals who have been Jane or John Does for an extended period of time.

Which is all well and good. Who am I to tell anyone how to use their time?

But it's awkward when they go up to an individual and start asking them questions. When the person inevitably asks if they're cops, they say no, they're with The Forgotten Network...and the person will act like they know what in the world that is.

If that happened to me, it would be more like this:

Christian Slater: So, you knew this guy?
Brent: Are you a cop or something?
Christian Slater: No, I'm not a cop. I'm with The Forgotten Network.
Brent: The who?
Christian Slater: No, not The Who. We're not a band. We're a group of people who help out the police in our spare time. It's called The Forgotten Network.
Brent: Do you have any authority?
Christian Slater: I have the authority to ask if you know this guy.
Brent: But I don't have to answer, right?
Christian Slater: Well, right. But it would really help out if you did.
Brent: Help The Forgotten Network?
Christian Slater: Yes.
Brent: Sorry, I don't believe that's a thing. Do you have a badge?
Christian Slater: No.
Brent: Sorry, not going to answer. Tell Dr. Venkman I said hi though.
Christian Slater: Man, we're The Forgotten Network...not Ghostbusters!

Circle one? YES!!

My neighbors just got their dish installed by DISH Network and guess what the driver of the van did? That's right! Circle One!

As a sidenote, these people just moved in yesterday morning and the DISH guy was there by 11 am. You have to like that... I assume they got teh 8-12 window, which is really the earliest you can get TV when you just moved in that day. Looks like someone might have new friends...

Is it just me...

or does overshooting the airport by 150 miles seem a bit excessive? I mean, you've already flown 1,500 miles...might as well go another 10 percent.

I don't know what I would have been thinking if I'd been on the plane. You're watching Minneapolis go under you and you ring the little flight attendant thingy and the only thing they say is that they can offer you more peanuts. Which is a grand gesture, because we had to suffer through so many years where we got friggin' pretzels instead of peanuts.

Alas, I'd probably rather land on time than fly an extra 150 miles and get some free extra peanuts. But that might just be me...

Seems like an obvious call to me...

Here was the listing of the headlines on cnn.com yesterday. See if anything stands out to you that might be underlined, arrowed and circled in red (if you're color blind...I'm sorry, but I guess you won't see it Vinny Testaverde)...

I hear they also may force kids to guzzle cough syrup to "calm down". Not sure I'm for that one either...

Sikes does it again!

Once again, I feel the need to congratulate Mr. Sikes. After his triumphant "run" at the Mazola Corn Oil National Race Walk Invitational, he has now come out with his first national ad campaign, appearing now in your mailbox. Proving, once again, that Sikes doesn't feel the heat when it comes to advertising!

WHY?

Why does nothing remotely interesting happen anymore? I go to Target...nothing. I go to...um...Target I guess...nothing. No interesting conversations. No one stalking me. It's terrible. Which means I'm reduced to hawking my favorite brand of Q-Tip. Terrible. Terrible.

At least Alison thought of a killer Halloween costume for us...

I'll tell you what...

Q-Tips and generic Q-Tips are just not the same thing. Most things, generic is fine (that's right Dr. Thunder and Mountain Lightning) but a generic Q-Tip is gross. Do yourself a favor and spring for the name brand on this one...

Finally!

The cats are sure in for a treat! After 7 months, and an increase of 400 reward points, we've finally got their soft dome thing in stock and ordered! Take that! You thought I wouldn't wait it out!

Should be here just in time for Christmas...

The RU/|\NS

Yes, you read it right...this is about the Ruins on MTV...the latest installment of the RW/RR Challenge and, as always, my favorite TV show.

Now, before, I listed my top 5 competitors ever, so today, I thought I'd say who the top 3 on the ruins who I would least like to face in a challenge and the three I would most like to face:

Top 3 I don't want to face:
1) Wes - Duh...he's the best challenge guy ever. In my previous list, he was #2, but in this what-have-you-done-for-me-lately world, Alton has dropped behind Wes. I have no doubt Wes would destroy me.
2) Derrick - This kid (and I use the term loosely) is always good and he's very scrappy. He might be small, but man...he's good.
3) Evan - He's got me by about 80 pounds. The only way I want to face Evan is if we're having a spelling, adding or making complete sentences contest. Otherwise...no thanks.

Top 3 I want to face:
1) Adam - Come on.
2) Danny - This kid is the biggest p**sy in the world (that's for pansy...did you think it was something else?). Way too overconfident and he's not done 1 thing to ever impress.
3) Syrus - Unless the contest is who has the darkest skin, I think I could take him...

Office Max Christmas?

So, I was at Office Max yesterday, picking up some office supplies that Target didn't have, since there's no other reason to go into Office Max unless you're in to getting verbally assaulted by the "Office Max Team" the second you walk into the door (I'm looking at you on this one Toast).

Anyway, I go walking up there with 4 letter trays, 2 reams of paper and a little container of binder clips and I got this small conversation:

Office Max Lady: Wow. Bringing me some presents?
Brent: Damn, Christmas must have sucked in your house lady...

Wow...

Peter King pointed this out in his MMQB article yesterday, but you really have to see it...

I mean, really? Really? Who was the writer on this? John Bowman? And who at Burger King greenlighted this? Did the producers of Gigli start working at Burger King and thought this would be a good idea? And why keep pointing out her weight without making the obvious joke of, "She must have been eating double Whoppers for the whole off-season!"?

She's a hussy

Good call US...it's true, that Olive Cohen dresses like such a little hussy, it's sickening. I'm glad you helped put her in her place!

Trainee

So, I was at the dentist yesterday (it's almost like I'm living there...like a crappy version of You, Me and Dupree) and I had a trainee dental hygienist working with the dentist.

It sucks. I mean...I thought it wouldn't matter, but she was terrible. Terrible! You know how when you have a waiter having a trainee with them at a restaurant, it doesn't matter? Well...trainee's in dental practice matter.

She was very, very slow with the suction hose, to the point that I felt like I was being waterboarded (and, to be honest...it's not that bad) and she also was very stingy with the sprayer thing. I mean, the front of my mouth was the Sahara and the back of my mouth was the Native American Ocean. It was ridiculous.

And she kept asking the dentist questions. How long do I do that for? Do you need this now? What's that?

I didn't know you get to work in the dental office on your first day of dental hygienist school. I thought maybe they taught you some things before they threw you to the wolves.

Well...at least she didn't kill me...I have that going for me, which is nice...

Airport security...

So, I was walking through airport security last week and you know it's a little uncomfortable. Everything is hurry up and wait and you have to believe that that wand shouldn't be lingering there for that amount of time...er, um, or never mind. It's a hassle.

So, I was going through the security the other day when the TSA agent started talking to me while he was looking at my license:

TSA Agent: You know they invented the perfect woman.
Brent: Huh?
TSA Agent: Yep, the perfect woman.
Brent: Is that so?
TSA Agent: Yep...a gingerbread woman!
Brent: Huh?
TSA Agent: Yep...if she gives you any lip, you just bite her head off!!
TSA Agent: (looks at me, expecting laughter)
Brent: hahahahaha
Brent: Can I go now?

I mean, they kind of have you over a barrel there (and not in that good, Yogi Bear kind of way). What are you supposed to do? Obviously, that was a worse joke than John Bowman would come up with...probably.

But you can't just stare at him. Because he has the power to not let you on the plane. So, you have to give him a horrible courtesy laugh, like you're watching Hank or something like that. It's the worst.

And I just know he tries that joke out on everyone that passes through. Hopefully his headless gingerbread wife doesn't take any offense...

STARKEY!!

Stop being "that guy" and send in your fantasy football payment!

Signed,
Me

Thank you Family Guy...

for bringing Parker Lewis back into the mainstream! Man...I loved that show. I loved Kube. Great times. No, wait. GREAT times!

Don't act like you didn't want to write Parker Lewis in your hair back when you were in 6th grade. I mean...I can't be the only one, right? Right?

Snart...

TiVo be busy...

on Wednesday nights. Just getting around to watching the shows over the weekend but realized we recorded 12 shows between 7 and 10 pm. 12!!

How many of them are good? That's yet to be seen...

Someone is gettin' presents!

I know what you're thinking...which one am I going to order? The answer, of course...is both! I can't wait to get the blackhead remover so I can use it on my dwarf seahorses! I better frickin' be delighted with it...

Herr Nebraska fans unite!

Who knew Hitler was so passionate about the Huskers?

He makes some good points though...I hope it didn't lose anything in translation...