Yashika the Spendthrift?

Now, as you all know, the Strike is putting a definite crimp in the shows I watch. So, now I've resorted to watching anything MTV puts on in hopes that it's good.

So, I've started watching My Super Sweet Sixteen. The whole episode, I basically hope for a sniper to pick off the 16-year old and the show to end. So far, it hasn't happened. Unfortunately.

However, something entertaining did happen when I was watching the episode with the infantile, snot nosed Yashika.

So, this moron is getting everything. EVERYTHING! Her dad is getting her a 100k Mercedes (because she said the 41k Mercedes was not expensive enough, and the mirror to look at herself was too small), she's getting dresses, she's getting coats. Basically, I bet the party (including the car) costs over 250k.

So where does she get her make-up done?

That's right...THE FREE COUNTER AT THE MALL!! After spending 250k, she must have decided,

"Whoah...don't want to go overboard here. This is getting kinda out of control. Don't they have people at Macy's that put your make-up on for free?"

I think it's nice that she learned that money doesn't grow on trees and it pays to be thrifty. Good job Yashika. Good job.

Where's that sniper?

Like you belong in Grease...

Alison: Hey Brent.
Brent: Yeah?
Alison: You look kind of bad ass right now.
Brent: smiles and gets his hopes up
Alison: Yeah, like you belong in Grease or something.
Brent: shoulders slump in defeatedness

No matter what anyone says, we all know that no one in Grease looked bad ass. Kinda queer, maybe, but not bad ass. Might as well have said I look kinda like Chingy...

To the moron down the street...

So, I went to my mail box yesterday and what do I find inside? This (which has been edited to protect the dumb):

Good idea buddy...advertise to see if someone wants to be your roommate...TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ALREADY LIVE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND ARE PAYING A MORTGAGE!!

Maybe you can send some Eskimos a flyer and see if they want to buy any ice while you're at it...

Johnny Knockers

Anyway, I'm sure you're all enjoying the Gauntlet III, which is my favorite show on TV. Last night, I had to pause it while watching it to make Alison guess who I think the top 5 competitor's in RR/RW Challenge history are (by the way, she got 4 of the 5 and her 5th guess was someone I would have at #6).

But that's not why I write. I'm not writing about the new lesbian Brooke. I'm not writing that Danny is on HGH, though he is because you can see his extended stomach where his organs have expanded (though I'm not a doctor, I've seen the same thing on Ronnie Coleman).

No, what I wanted to write about was something you may not have noticed...Frank has grown the biggest set of Man Knocker's in the history of the world!

Seriously...those things are huge! That is not a bra-less woman right there! That is the d-bag Frank! Creepy I noticed this? Yes. But are you happy that I made myself seem a bit queer for your benefit? I think so...

TOP 5 COMPETITORS

1. Alton
2. Wes
3. CT
4. Abram
5. Miz

And Derek just missed the cut...

Today...

So, anyway, everyone knows the old saying,

"I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like you."

Well...I was putting my pants on today and I decided to try to put them on two legs at the same time.

Let me tell you, it's really not all it's cracked up o be. First, I hopped both feet into the pant. Then, I kept jumping and pulling on the pants, trying to get hem on After about 15 seconds, they were finally on.

Then, I got to thinking, that sucked. Why did I do that? Who was I trying to impress? Does anyone really care how you put your pants on? No. They don't. So, I just strained myself and wasted time that I could have been playing with Lego's trying to fancily put on my pants.

Eh...I probably would have just wasted that time anyway...

The Life of Ryan...

Sometimes...

When I watch...

The Life of Ryan....

On MTV...

I almost...

Fall asleep....

Because...

He talks...

For a sentence...

Then he pauses...

Like he forgot...

What he wanted...

To say...

And he has...

To think about...

What he wants...

To say next...

And he sounds...

Like a broken...

Terminator cyborg...

And he does it...

The whole show...

And before you know it...

The show is over...

And you forgot...

To change the channel...

Man, I wish...

The writer's strike...

Would end...

Today...

True Life

So, I'm watching MTV's "True Life" series last night. You know, it follows some people around who think they're pretty sweet and then we watch them and feel bad for them because they're not quite as sweet as they think we are.

And then, sometimes they do something that makes us cringe. Like last night.

So, this one chick is the director of a play and she has a crush on the guy she tabbed to be the leading man. He is giving her all the signs that he's not interested, but she is not taking the hint. Even her friends are no help, such as this advice she was given,

"Do you want to be a few years from now, hey, that would have been kind of cool just have asked"

Ummmm...no. But anyhoo, this caused her to ask him out. Here's how it happened. She asked him to walk to play practice with her...

Director Chick: The reason I wanted you to walk with me today is because, I don't know how to put this exactly, but I kinda like you. I was wondering if you wanted to go get dinner or hang out sometime or something.
Patrick: casts a sideways glance at the camera, realizes if he says anything but yes, he's going to look like a complete a-hole on TV
Patrick: shrugs his shoulders
Patrick: Sure.
Director Chick: Really?
Patrick: Why not?
Director Chick: Okay. It sounds like fun then.
Patrick: can't believe she did that on TV and keeps shaking his head and turning red

So far, this is the pivotal point of TV in 2008. Thank you MTV.

I'm Big in Europe

Now, as anyone who knows me understands, I have an extensive sweet t-shirt collection. Sure...they may barely fit a toddler, but they're still funny.

So, I'm in Target a little bit ago, wearing my red t-shirt that says:

I'M BIG IN EUROPE

and I'm heading up to the cash register to check out with my funions and Diet Mountain Dew. And, I get the Weird Register Guy (WRG), who kind of smells like burnt Emilio Estevez; you can imagine how awful that smells. Anyway, here's the conversation that follows.

Brent: puts items on conveyor
WRG: No you're not.
Brent: Huh?
WRG: You're not big in Europe.
Brent: Oh...my shirt. Riiiiight. Just scan my items.
WRG: starts scanning items
WRG: Ohhh....I get it.
Brent: Huh?
WRG: The shirt is big in Europe because they wear smaller sizes.
Brent: Can I leave now?

I don't know if it's true that they wear smaller sizes in Europe, but that man's stench was overpowering...

The Reverse...

I don't really care for elections. I typically don't want to vote for either of the presidential candidates (and that's really what I consider the only election...state senate doesn't count...sorry LeRoy A. Stumpf) so I normally end up just picking the least objectionable candidate.

But what I would rather do is cast a negative vote against the person I dislike more. An example is, say I hate Hillary Clinton (I hate Hillary Clinton!) and she's running for President against D.A. Arthur Branch. Now, at the moment, I'd be inclined to vote for D.A. Arthur Branch, but it would make me feel better if I could use my vote to negate a vote that some moron cast for Hillary Clinton.

I know it's the same principle at work here, but it makes me feel like I'm making a difference; I'm using my power to actively vote against pure evil, instead of using my power to vote for moderately good.

I suppose it would kind of give you the same feeling that Jeff Gillooly had when he tried to rid the ice skating community of Nancy Kerrigan. Except my negative vote would actually work and not make Ms. Clinton more famous than she deserves to be...

Titan is an A-Bag...

So, as we already know, you're all watching the new American Gladiators. While some of you might think there's a little too much talky-talky and not enough Human Cannonball (and you'd be right), it's still a fine program.

Except for Titan. That man is an idiot. Surprise, surprise. Also...pizza is good.

So, I was watching the latest episode and this moron tears his ACL playing Powerball. Of course, he can't move and is basically just laying there. And Titan comes walking over, saying:

"This man here is a warrior! Let's give it up for him! This man is a warrior"

Right...this man is a weekend warrior who forgot that he's not 18 anymore and his body rejected his advances. Fantastic. If this man were a true warrior, he might look a little something like this:

Instead of like this:

Then, Titan comes up with this other great one, while standing next to the ACL dude:

"This is why I do it."

Why? Because people get hurt? Or because they pay you? I think it's the latter, as I bet you rarely strap on your unitard and head on down to the park to do battle with the homeless. Well...maybe Titan does...