Served by the Belding

The other day I was not fortunate enough to sit down with Dennis Haskins, who many of you probably don’t remember as Mr. Belding from Saved by the Bell and Saved by the Bell: The New Class (though if you watched the new class you were probably in the latent stage of syphilis at the time and are most likely no longer amongst the living). Luckily for us, Dennis hadn’t any time to fit us in for an interview between his mid-morning meal and his brunch. If he had had time to talk to me, I’m sure the interview would have gone like this…

Brent Nelson: Dennis! Thanks for taking time out of your schedule to join us today.

Dennis Haskins: Brent, it’s always a pleasure.

BN: So, Dennis, tell us what you’ve been up to since Saved by the Bell was cancelled.

DH: Honestly Brent, that’s a part of my life I really don’t want to discuss. I can’t really get into it, but it involves an inflatable alligator and a bucket of sardines. Enough said.

BN: Yikes! Well, that’s understandable, what with Zack Morris starring on NYPD Blue, A.C. Slater getting his own talk show and marrying the Doritos girl and Tiffani-Amber Thiessen becoming among the hottest women in the world, while you’re hurting to earn a couple bucks in a Camry commercial. Speaking of, let’s talk about this Camry commercial. How did they rope you into that? Did they have compromising pictures of Mrs. Belding?

DH: You may have forgotten. My character was Mr. Belding. My name is Dennis. I really don’t want to touch on that today either Brent. You understand, right? I mean, there are a plethora of subjects I can explore with you. As you may have known, I have been brushing up on 19th century Russian juggling. Would you care to explore that forum?

BN: (under his breath) Wow. You are such a loser.

DH: What’s that Brent?

BN: Nothing. I think I saw an onion. Umm…let’s see. So, it says here you gained 184 pounds since the end of the show. Sounds like someone had a little eating problem! Ha-ha! How did you manage to gain all that weight, Beldo?

DH: My name is Dennis damn it! I’m really not at liberty to talk about the weight. Let’s just say I might have a deal with KFC brewing and I don’t want to jinx it. Double crosses.

BN: OK, so no Saved by the Bell, no Camry and no weight gain. I hear you’re working for Hollywood Is Calling dot com. Is that correct?

DH: Yes.

BN: So, how’s that going for you?

DH: I’ve only had one person use my services. Some kid in Wisconsin.

BN: Dennis, I’m not going to lie, you are about the most boring thing I’ve ever interviewed in my life. All of my readers are now dumber for having read this. Thanks for your time.

DH: Always a pleasure Brent. Stop by anytime. I mean anytime!