Alumni Event!!

In my mind, there are only a few scenarios that can happen at the KA/A-Chi-O social event at Hofbrauhaus. This is the event that Holzhauser is trying to get alumni brothers to go to. And all of these scenarios I dreamed up could very easily happen and none of them are very pleasant. It’s going to be a car wreck. Without further ado…here is what will happen…


Phil: Man, I could have been a Delt. But I decided I didn't want to be a badass, so I went to KA.
Girl #1: Ummm...aren't you, like, 28?
Phil: I totally used to rip it up on the IM football team. You may have heard rumors about my 90 degree snap.
Girl #1: Actually, I don’t think anyone cares about what happened in the ‘50’s. So, what do you do now?
Phil: Yeah, you're right. I do have a Hummer. You’ve probably never seen one of those before. Only the cool kids get to drive them! Want to see?
Girl #1 (looking around nervously): Not really. Because you're pretty creepy.
Phil: Yeah, I totally used to plow girls like you two at a time.
Girl #1: Uhhh...I'm going to leave now.
Phil: Tell your friends. I’ll be here all night. Glory days! Yes!!


Andy: Man, I love living in the house. It’s like my parents totally used to get on my case about everything, but now I have the freedom to do what I want! Do what you want Andy! Do what you want!
Girl #2: You mean, you like visiting your older brother, who lives in the house?
Andy: No, I live in the house! Do what I want!
Girl #2: You're too small to be in college!
Andy: Actually, I'm 28.
Girl #2: And you live in the house?
Andy (beaming): Yep!
Girl #2: The fraternity house?
Andy (glowing now): Yes.
Girl #2: Didn't you graduate?
Andy: Heck yes I did.
Girl #2 (confused): But you still live in the house?
Andy: Yes.
Girl #2: The fraternity house, right?
Andy: You bet.
Girl #2 (slowly backs away in terror)
Andy: Do what you want Andy! Do what I want!! I don't wanna go to bed, I don't. I live in the fraternity house. That's where I make my own rules! As long as the president says it's okay. Excelsior!!


Kucera: I want to have sex at you!!
Girl #3: Aren’t you like 30?
Kucera: You might not know it to look at me, but I slept my way through the whole Gamma Phi sorority. Jealous?
Girl #3: Not really. Aren’t they a rather homely sorority?
Kucera (thrusting): Yeah, they all wanted a piece of the Stevinator. So I gave it to them!
Girl #3: You know who you look like?
Kucera: The guy who is going to give you the old 'life jacket on an airplane'?
Girl #3: Cute analogy. No, actually, you look like the kind of guy who would profess his love to someone else’s fiancée via the internet.
Kucera: Like she wasn’t nailed down!
Girl #3: I really don’t know what to do with that. That’s barely a sentence, much less a rational thought. Where did you say you went to medical school again? The Galapagos Islands?
Kucera: I owned this school!!
Girl #3 (walking away): You and your hand have a good night. Maybe you can tell that story to some 18-year old in 20 years!


Go alumni!! Come out and strut your stuff! We got a sweet pledge class too. They really want to get to know all of the alumni. Hoo-rah for KA. Hoo-rah for school!!