Larry Csonka...

In a stunning turn of events, I was interviewed by football legend Larry Csonka today. What follows is the account of what happened. We’ll let you be the judge. Enjoy…

Larry Csonka: Brent, great to have you here. Glad you could stop by.
Brent Nelson: Well, you are in my room, so I really didn’t have a choice. By the by, you have an awful stench about you. Perhaps you should look into that. It’s not impolite to wear deodorant.

LC: Ha, ha. Very true indeed. So first, what’s your favorite animal?
BN: 5.

LC: Um…I don’t really know what to do with that. That’s a number, not an animal. You do know the difference, don’t you?
BN: I actually get asked that a lot. This is kind of strange, seeing as I have never written a dictionary. You’d think people could look up definitions of words on their own.

LC: Riiiight. Good avoision of the question. Well played. Turning to current events, do you think Ted Turner and Demi Moore will get married?
BN: In fact I do think they will get married. I think Turner has this all planned out. First, he gets Ashton Kutcher to hose some lame TBS sleep-over party. Then, Turner makes sure Ashton brings Demi. While Demi isn’t looking, Turner uses his obscene producing budget to doctor up a tape that intimates that Ashton was getting a little “Michael Jackson” with the children. Demi will then leave Ashton and fall into Ted Turner’s arms. I think it will be…

LC: Sorry to interrupt you. You seemed to be on a roll, but I messed up on the question. I wish this wasn’t a live ‘typing’ of this show (audience groans). I meant, do you think Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher will get married?
BN: Hmmm…yes. Yes I do.

LC: Wrong! They will not get married. Demi will die in a fiery crash that looks like an "accident".
BN: All right.

LC: What do you think Ashton Kutcher’s favorite berry is?
BN: Uhhh…I have no idea. Strawberry?

LC: Wrong! Actually, it’s a huckleberry.
BN: Oh. Good to know. So, now if I’m ever on Jeopardy…

LC: Ashton Kutcher likes pie. What is his favorite kind?
BN: I think you may have an unhealthy obsession with Ashton Kutcher.

LC: Wrong! My obsession is perfectly healthy and one day we will be joined in holy matrimony! And he likes huckleberry pie.
BN: Interesting.

LC: Ashton Kutcher likes to fantasize about things. What’s his favorite thing to fantasize about?
BN: Get the hell out of my room. This interview is over!