Stocking Stuffer?

OK, so I'm at the local Holiday Stationstore (yes...it's all one word...I have the receipt right here), pumping some gasoline into the old ride. I'm out there, shivering my buns off, when I see the advertisement on the pump for what's in the store.

At the top, it says "Holiday Stores Stocking Stuffers" and then it lists three items, each more ridiculous than the previous.

1. M&M's : I know what you're thinking; you wouldn't mind coming downstairs on Christmas morning and finding that the fat man left you some chocolate instead of stealing your goodies. And you'd be right. This is the "Terminator" of their stocking stuffer gifts.

2. Pringles : Really? Pringles? Well...I guess I can see it if you really like chips. I mean, Pringles are pretty decent chips, if, you know, I hadn't choked on one when I was little. But still...I can think of about a million things (like this) I'd rather have in my stocking than Pringles. I suppose this is the "Last Action Hero" of their gifts.

3. Red Baron Pizza : Oh, come on! This can't be for real. Frozen pizza? Who in the butt has an Igloo-brand stocking to keep the pizza cold? And seriously, unless your stocking comes in "John Goodman Size", you're not fitting a cruppin' pizza box in there! This...this right here...is the "Batman & Robin" of their ideas.

Who are these people? Seriously! Where are they getting their ideas? Has this ever caused anyone to go..."You know what...Johnny does like pizza; maybe I should put some in his stocking?"

While you're at it, you might as well get him a lifetime supply of zoloft, because little Johnny is going to be pretty depressed when he realizes his parents are morons...