Ashlee Simpson...

Written Oct. 25, 2004

This absolutely kills me. As I'm sure some of you heard, Ashlee Simpson got "caught" using vocals on SNL and she was just doing the lip synching/having her voice made to sound better than it is. They played a different song than the one she thought they were going to and you can hear her the vocal tracks while she stands there and hops around like she was in an Irish Jig video.

Remember when this happened to a popular group called Milli Vanilli? They were stripped of a grammy and forced to live in humiliation until you thought it couldn't get any worse. Then, they did a behind the music to open up all their old wounds. It got so bad that one of the members killed himself. He killed himself!! After two unsuccessful attempts, he took his own life because of how he was strung up by the media.

And what happens to that stupid twit Ashlee Simpson? Nothing. Nothing!! She blames her band for starting the wrong song. The wrong song? Do you not know your songs? You have about 10 songs and you can't remember the lyrics to them? Are you kidding me? And tonight she has another live show. It's like nothing happened. What has changed in the past 10 years? Gosh. I guess I'm pretty mad that she rides the coattails of her famous sister and is a no talent hack who couldn't sing her way out of a wet paper bag.

Yeah, I guess it's obvious, I'm not a fan. She totally rode her sister's coat-tails to being a pop "star". She is a no talent hack who should be roasted for being the no-talent hack that she is. Besides being a no-talent hack, she is also a moron. But at least she is annoying. So she has that going for her. Which is nice. This is a hot-button issue with me. Ever since she got her own MTV show, it has been my goal to take Ashlee Simpson down through derogatory e-mails and threatening posts on message boards. I feel vindicated by her lapse of talent on SNL. I could go on for hours...

Now I don't begrudge Ashlee Simpson for becoming famous from her sister. Far from it. I think that is a perfectly acceptable way to use and degrade your family. That's all fine and dandy. But when you become famous through another sibling through no merit of your own, you should become a running joke. Such as Don Swayze, Ozzie Canseco, Frank Stallone or Billy Carter. She needs to take her rightful spot next to them. I would have nothing against her if she were appearing in Nightmare on Oak Plaza 4: It's Still Alive! co-starring Kelly Osbourne with Aaron Carter as Eddy. That would be fine. And I hope her SNL appearance is the start of her downfall into Loser Sibling Hell.

All that being said, I would date her if given the opportunity.