Apprentice III

Wow, Verna quit! No one saw that coming…except for the whole damn viewing audience. Talk about misleading commercials…”It’s not who you think it is…” if you’re someone who doesn’t watch the show. What a letdown. This was the TV equivalent of Y2K. So much hype, so much drama, and all of the sudden, you’re sitting in your basement with an oxygen tank and a can of pork ’n beans, waiting for the world to end, when the lights are all still on and nothing out of the ordinary is happening. That’s how I feel about this Verna quitting on the Apprentice.

Audrey is still super hot. She keeps getting hotter. This could be the equivalent of the 1993 Braves, coming back from 13 games behind the Giants. I can’t verbalize how shocking this is to me. No one saw this coming. She’s like Amanda Peet…except a hotter, less slutty version. Not that there’s anything wrong with being slutty.

Speaking of coming out of nowhere, where did this Stephanie girl come from? She’s looking like Christine Taylor and I haven’t even noticed her before? Am I losing it? Next thing you know, I’m going to have to put some sort of bungee contraption on my pants so I can find them when I wake up in the morning. If any other beautiful women appear on this show, I may just let the aliens abduct me…because I am serving no purpose here.

“Hi, my name is Tana. I look like a horse. Do not be mesmerized by my extra long face and prominent teeth. Continue on with your business”

Here’s a little hint Magna Corp…if you’re putting someone in charge because of their creativity…and in a previous task, they created the “throw a ball in the homeless man’s house” game…you may want to rethink that strategy. Next thing you know, they’re going to bring Verna back and put her in charge of team morale. It’s like watching student council in seventh grade. No one has any idea what they’re doing; all they know is that they want a vending machine in the cafeteria.

I sat there wishing and hoping that Michael was going to perform more tricks to go along with having the plate on his head. Some things I thought he could have done were; get a spoon to stick to his nose, some sort of yo-yo trick, or the ever popular, pull my finger gag.

Bren is quite the artist. Too bad NBC couldn’t show the other signs he created to go along with his “task 3 is going to hell sign”; “Michael is a doody head” (a drawing of Michael with poo on his head) and “I would do anything for Trump but I wouldn’t do that” (use you imagination).

“Hello, they call me Tana. Please try not to stare at my flared nostrils and flowing mane. Continue watching the show.”

So, Linda Cook won the 10,000 dollars. I have 2 predictions about Miss Cook. The money has already been spent on a combination of booze, heroin and Vicadin. She did not fill out any tax forms for her winnings, so once this airs the IRS will be on her tail.

They got mimes to appear at their event. Plus 10 points. Whose idea was that? All the juggling clowns on stilts busy for the day?

“Hi. My name is Tana. If you can, please ignore my four-legged stature and flopping tail. Do your best to concentrate on the view from the helicopter. Do not let me distract you.”

Sidenote: How does Paris Hilton have her own show and is now hosting SNL? Can anyone explain this to me? She has no talent. She’s known for being rich. That’s it. Then she made a sex tape which she helped leak to boost her career and now she is everywhere. She’s like the Starbucks of C-list celebrity. 10 years ago, you had to search for them. Now, you roll out of bed and there are two of them down in the kitchen and one of them in the bathroom. End Sidenote

I love how Michael got blindsided in the boardroom. Can you imagine what he was thinking while everyone was talking? It’s like your boss telling you he’s going to pay you for your work, then when you go to use the money in the bank, there’s nothing there. Well played.

I don’t know if Danny knows it or not, but when he went to boardroom, he had his hair in a ponytail. Might have just happened while he was walking. I don’t know. He might have slipped and stood up with his hair like that. One thing is for certain…white dudes in ponytails will not endear you to Mr. Trump. Were the tank top and dolphin shorts in the laundry ya stupid hippie?

“Michael, do you think you should be fired?”
“Ummm…no, I have exemption from being fired. Would you like to borrow a dictionary Mr. Trump?”

I wonder if Danny was thinking about bringing his imaginary friend Jorky into the boardroom with Michael, so that Danny would have been the only one who could have been fired. I like his strategy. Maybe he should go talk to the Crystal Pepsi people and try to work something out.

My prediction for a winner after week 3: Still Kendra. She’s the anti-Paris Hilton and is staying out of the spotlight. Sentimental favorites are Audrey and Stephanie. Hopefully no more super hot girls pop up next week, lest I have to retire my head to the kitchen over.