I think I should be the new Intern so I can be the Screech Powers to your Zack Morris. Sure, you’d probably like a nice A.C. Slater, Kelly Kapowski or, to a lesser extent, Mikey Gonzalez to be at your side. However, no one is going to be there for you like Screech.
When you need to bug the girls slumber party to hear what they’re saying about you, who are you going to ask? You’re not going to ask Mikey because he’s too busy trying to sell potatoes to help Miss Bliss recover from the “margin fiasco”. When you need someone to go the extra mile for you, Screech is there with running shorts on.
Who is your source when you need someone to hook you up a fake ID so you can get in “The Attic”? You can’t ask Slater because he can’t tear himself away from blathering incessantly about Jessie Spano. The only one you can trust to handle the responsibility of changing your identity is your boy Screech.
If you’re trying to “win” a free trip to Hawaii through the glee club, is Kelly going to make sure you bake in the sun? Hardly! She has the vocal talent of Britney Spears after four “Diver Down’s” and a pack of Swisher Sweets. No, the only man who’s willing to do anything to help you out is that “special” kid with the heart of gold, Screech.
Screech always makes sure the job gets done. (Please bear with me as I drive this theme home like Carlos Delgado) He might not be the flashiest guy out there, but he’ll do whatever is asked of him. When the links need to be out there to entertain the millions of SGW readers, Screech will make sure that amusement is provided even if he has to write with two pencils simultaneously. The most important thing is to make sure the readers (and the Sports Guy) are happy with the end product that is put out. Like Buddy Bands, your satisfaction is always guaranteed.
I am that Screech that ESPN.com needs and I can continue in the immense shoes of The Intern and will always serve…
The Few…The Proud…The Readers.
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