Conversation II...

Brent: How hard would it be to get tickets to Wrigley for you? Easy or super easy?

Eric: It would depend on whether or not a game was being played.

Brent: What if a game was not being played, but I wanted to re-create the movie "Rookie of the Year" only using monkeys and midgets?

Eric: Well, I think that you would have to buy tickets for everyone involved (perhaps discounted due to tiny stature or simian nature), but they would probably be cheap and relatively plentiful if no actual game were being played. Of course, I assume that tickets are printed every day regardless of whether or not an event is taking place.

Brent: You would have to think so. I was thinking of getting Mr. Jangles to play the role of the kid from “American Pie”. I think he can handle it. I think the rest of the Cubs will also be monkeys, because I think monkeys should be the underdogs, don't you? I mean seriously, who's going to win in a fight, monkeys or midgets?

Eric: Depends on what kind of monkey (and what kind of midget for that matter). Monkeys can be pretty mean and rabid (so can midgets for that matter). In conclusion, neither group would be a match for a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

Brent: While I concur with your shark assessment (especially if they have some sort of glo-gun that sends radioactive pulses from their heads), it is hard to control the shark. Now, I assume the shark would be wearing some sort of seatbelt contraption so the he doesn't fall off the elephant and perhaps injure it, thereby stopping time and causing all of the world's chocolate to simultaneously combust. I'm correct in this assumption, right?

Eric: There's some sort of fastening device, obviously. I envisioned bungee cords but am willing to be flexible. However, I know little about the physics behind the mighty chocolate conflagration of which you speak.

Brent: First, allow me to explain the glo-gun. It sends radioactive pulses from the wearers’ brain out into space, until it hits something. This renders the target temporarily immobile. This would normally be the time for scavenging his wallet (if you're a midget), eating him (if you're a shark) or throwing your own feces at him (again, if you're a midget). Now, if the shark was wearing this and fell off the elephant, his glo-gun would hit the elephant, who would fall over, creating an earthquake, which will stop all the chocolate machines at the same time, but the machines would start trying to move faster to produce more chocolate. Hence, the combustion. Questions?

Eric: Well, I know that! I guess we have different definitions of "spontaneously combust"...or "chocolate"...or both...I'm not really sure.

Brent: Yeah, the definition for "chocolate" is really a slippery slope that only Larry Flynt and Stephen Hawking should discuss...whilst they're having wheelchair races, of course.

Eric: My money is on Flynt. I assume he has spikes on his wheels like old-timey chariots. Of course all bets are off if the Hawk utilizes a wormhole!

Brent: I think Flynt is way too smart for Hawking in wheelchair racing. What's Hawk gonna do, diagram a cosmos model that has four cluster idioms located in single Socratic organism? Puh-lease!!