Apprentice V

Wow, that Audrey has some little mouth on her. I like it. Not swearing in the boardroom and then bringing the thunder in the suite. That’s the professional way to do it. Some people may call her a raging, psychotic bitch. I call her spirited; a powder keg. And once her divorce goes thorough…hey, hey!!

So the only thing that separates Michael and Trump is a few billion dollars? Did you hear that Michael and Trump both only date Eastern European girls? Michael does it exclusively! The only difference, of course, is that Trump doesn’t have to use “Brides ‘R’ Us: Mail-Order Bride Service” that Michael does. And why do they keep leaving him once he brings them over? Could it be his overwhelming ego? Or the mysterious odor that emanates from his armpits? I’m just sayin’…

Why, when Rhona calls them about the task at hand, are they sometimes in their underwear and sometimes all dolled up with make-up on and a snappy business suit? It’s because some people know the value of “face-time” and some people don’t. It’s valuable, like Easter eggs on Easter Sunday. Use it.

Has anyone else noticed that The Apprentice is actually the show: It’s Good to be: Donald Trump”, but it has the twist of a “game” on it? Helicopters, limos, buildings…and, oh yeah, I guess there’s a job involved in the end. Savvy. Trump understands “face-time”.

Mr. Ed as project manager? Yes!!

Massage-a-go-go? Really? Why did Michael keep saying different things “a-go-go”? Like sushi a –go-go? Does he have some rare form of Tourette’s? Was he dropped on his head recently? Maybe that same piece of “ceiling” that fell on Omarosa, also hit Michael in the head?

I like how Michael got the very important (and spicy) task of cooking the lunch pizza. Now, I’m not going to say he did a good or bad job on his assignment, but the pizza did look a little burned. That might come back to haunt him in the boardroom.

Sidenote: Bren must have some sort of ESP or something. Not two minutes after Michael cooked up his fabulous pizza, Bren asks him to bring food for the group? Come on! What does Bren know that he’s not telling us? End sidenote

Does Erin really hate Michael? I vote no. It seems like she has that “third grade I like you so I’m going to steal your lunch and make fun of you until you notice me and try to kiss me under the jungle gym during recess when no one’s looking and then I’m going to tell all my friends and we’re going to giggle and point at you during art class while you’re playing with the finger paints” kind of vibe going on. Does she even talk about anything else during the interviews? I think she may be a potential stalker when this is all over and done with…

Sweet casting sign that Net Worth had. Maybe if their casting studio didn’t look very similar to a rape van, they could have gotten some people to fork over some monies to go inside. Instead of scaring them away, like Kathy Bates in Misery.

What are those footsteps you hear? That’s the jockey taking a victory lap on his favorite thoroughbred, Tana. That’s right, she’s won this round, and will be here next week, and the week after at least. Someone (me) needs to think of more horse jokes…stat!

Do Miss Universe and Miss USA ever get to take off those sashes and crowns? Do they have to wear them when they sleep? If they are “being intimate” with a fellow (or lady, as the case may be in my mind), do they have to wear them? I hope so. I know I wouldn’t want to go anywhere with them if they didn’t have that sash on. You probably get some pretty sweet discounts at Denny’s when you wear that get-up in there.

Tana has a husband? There’s a “horse cross-bred with human” joke just sitting there, waiting to be made. Unfortunately, I can’t think of it right now. I will bow my head in shame. I apologize. I’ve let you down.

There are two kinds of people in this world…those who wear bow-ties and those who don’t. I hate them.

Kendra flew under the radar again. I swear, in the boardroom was the first time she’s even spoken in the last three episodes. What is she going to do when she needs to be a leader? Hopefully it’s some sort of “mime contest” so she can win. Otherwise, I think she’s in trouble.

Was Michael hitting on Trump after he got fired? Why did he leave him his card? Will Trump ever call him? Can Michael have his own show? That way we can watch him walk around and eat pizza, while spouting nonsense. I like it. Maybe The WB can pick it up. And give him Damon Wayans as a sidekick. They could fight crime and eat pizza. God, I should be a TV exec.

My prediction for a winner after week 5: Still Kendra. Again, Audrey is smoking. I can’t stop talking about her. She’s pulling a Lou Gehrig. She’ll be in my thoughts for 2,130 straight nights.